Benzos It's 4/20 and I'm more upset that my doctor didn't refill my valium

[Mr. Krinkle]

They said I tested negative for celiac, I don't think I have UC as I don't have like, 95% of the symptoms. It could be swollen from kratom use possibly? Hard to say exactly
I thought about food intolerances, but literally, when I'm not at work. I can eat anything. Yesterday it was a stressful day at work and I had a little back of graham crackers, seemed alright. As the day got worse, I had TWO CRACKERS and horrible abdominal pain. Then I come home, it goes away, I eat dinner and am fine.

Today was a day off and I hate a big breakfast, piece of cake midday, fried chicken sandwich for dinner. Bloat level? Negative 10. Like, completely fine. But I've cut my hours back a lot so it should help. I can starve myself at work for short shifts, come home and eat something. Only problem is my dumbass manager still has me on long shift saturdays when I specifically had it on the sheet not to do this. those are the most stressful days, and we're usually OVER staffed, so it's like, wtf you thinking? It's shit like this, and the overall effect of the job on my stress levels that are why I'm going to quit. I have a college degree, I don't need to be working at a hick state walmart.

I happen to work at a walmart and one of the worst walmarts of all time, probably. I'm gonna be quitting this summer though.

But yea, the G.I doc said the swelling is unlikely related to UC or anything else. I did cut out the bread at work awhile ago because that bloated me the most, but... I can eat it fine at home or on days off, it makes no sense.

I was on PPI for a few months so that could've maybe related to this a bit. Finally off that crap.

yea just quit dude - fuck it - don't wait until blah blah

fuck you i quit

im out


ya know how many times ive even given 2 weeks notice?

once

and i still burned the bridge on the way out

let everybody know what i think

which i normally do anyway

but it's a green light for me to get carried away too

and i love getting carried away

 

[BourbonMac]

Something that will probably help you and is most definitely good for you is unfiltered raw honey. I had mysterious right side pain last year, and they found nothing after a scope.
I had on again off again symptoms this last year. After diet change which included adding raw unfiltered honey, I am symptom free atm.
I will say I have been militant with my diet, so I am sure this is just as important as the raw honey.
I have a compulsive disorder, so sticking to a rigid diet is actually really easy for me.
(who would have guessed being obessive could actually have some positive benefits )

I know correlation doesn't imply causation, but it's impossible to deny that after taking a spoonful of raw honey on an empty stomach has improved my condition.
My side pain has basically disappeared since I began the honey regimen.
I generally eat two spoonfuls a day. This may seem like a lot, but I have pretty much cut out any refined sugar/carbohydrates so actually need those sugars.

Here is a link that explains why raw honey is good for your gut :

If you have blood sugar issues you'll naturally want to consult your doctor before loading up on the honey. Having said that, the raw honey is good for you even if it doesn't necessarily fix your stomach issues.

I actually have a pretty good amount of honey every night, have for the last few months actually. I assume it's raw? It's local honey, but I've tried some others like acacia (the one with a comb in it, not super fond). My local honey is very dark in color, very rich in flavor. I've also had tupelo honey which is pretty good, but higher in fructose which apparently can lead to more constipation/slow motility. Either way I prefer my local honey. It's sweet with a bit of bitter afterward and I like it that way.

There are some honeys there which have a firmer, honey mustard type of color, I don't know if that's raw honey. I just googled raw honey and saw pictures that looked like this. Maybe it's all raw. I'd been having some brand from a grocery store awhile back that was good, but nothing on my local honey. I think all the local honey I've had is why allergy season is doing nothing to me this year.

 

[BourbonMac]

yea just quit dude - fuck it - don't wait until blah blah

fuck you i quit

im out


ya know how many times ive even given 2 weeks notice?

once

and i still burned the bridge on the way out

let everybody know what i think

which i normally do anyway

but it's a green light for me to get carried away too

and i love getting carried away

Yeah I could go on and on about how retarded my manager is, but it would get too long. One thing that's been KILLING me lately is we have these 2 checkout machines which are cash only. It says it on the screen, yea, but what do people look at when they go to those machines? The scanner. What does a pitcher look at while on the mound? The strike zone. They don't look up and see what the crowd looks like.

People are constantly like "where's the sign" and I have to tell them "my manager is retarded and won't let us put up signs." I've been going against her in general anyway and taping a no card payments on the scanner, but someone always takes it off. I'm not gonna quit just yet because I need money, but I'll be out for 10 days after my sinus surgery later this month, and I've got 4 days off in a row in the beginning of next week to accompany my mom during a major hip surgery, she's really freaked out about it and wanted me to be with her. Kind of a big gap between us, I'm 28 and she's 65. Worries that she won't wake up from the anasthesia or something. I know she will be fine.

 

[BourbonMac]

Oh and on an unrelated note, I FINALLY got properly stoned last night for the first time in MONTHS. I've had problems with headaches, toothaches and general sinus related issues when I've tried smoking, vaping, even edibles for some reason. Clearly all the nasal rinses and flonase at least reduced my inflammation by now to the point where I can do this again.

It felt good to be home. I looked in the mirror and just saw total calm on my face. Then I started giggling like a little kid at how crazy low my eyes were. I was just in a hazy fog of happiness and getting distracted by a lot of things. God, this is so much better than valium. But valium has still become a part of my ritual that I need to break.

I want to be off it after my surgery. I plan to be straight with my doctor and say hey, I've come to rely on this a bit to much, I think we should start the taper process. I kind of wish he hadn't been so generous about letting me keep getting re-fills, but at the same time, it's been limited to 10 day supplies. Some peoples doctors let them get like, 90 10mg valiums. the most I get are 30 5mg. So tapering shouldn't be that bad given I take 10-15mg each night.

 

[OCD2DOC]

I actually have a pretty good amount of honey every night, have for the last few months actually. I assume it's raw?

You want raw and unfiltered. You can't necessarily go by color.
That being said, if it is local is most likely is raw.

Raw means it hasn't been heated above 118 degrees Fahrenheit and hasn't been pasteurized. They will extract the honey generally by straining or 'settling'.

Unfiltered means it comes straight from the beehive/honeycomb, contains healthy
bee pollens, bee propolis, and plenty of antioxidants.

I personally feel it is important to take it on an empty stomach.
This is when I have necessarily noticed its effects as far as my side is concerned.

Raw honey is the perfect prebiotic to complement your helathy probiotics.
A healthy gut microbiota is going to do wonders for your health and mood.
Conversely, wrecked microbes in your gut is going to leave you wrecked.

You've got to keep the microbes in your gut happy if not they will cause you to release stress hormones and all kinds of issues (i.e inflamation and autonomic alterations).
Little bastards are like aliens living in is, but we need them.
Or maybe we are the alien surviving on them?

 

[BourbonMac]

The honey I use comes from flowers, but the acacia honey is from bees and has the honeycomb. I assume that one is the raw? I'm not super fond of it. It's good but it's very very different But yeah I'm thinking my honey isn't raw when I look this up. They definitely have that raw looking hive honey there, although it honestly looks like it'd have the consistency of wet sand. The acacia honey might be better if there wasn't a giant comb inside it. I can never just get some of the honey for my tea and I don't like combs floating around my tea. They can get pretty stuck to the cup afterward.

Also, another successful stone tonight felt awesome. My creativity has come rushing back.

 

[Mr. Krinkle]

good - you sound better already


honey gives me heartburn

too sweet - i'd breathe fire if i had it on an empty stomach (true story)

 

[Mr. Krinkle]

i saw that at a Kroger grocery yesterday in the vitamin aisle - a little fridge with cold kept probiotics and the Garden of Life brand i was telling you about

 

[BourbonMac]

You think that could help with the motility issues? I'd give it a try if I see it. Taking miralax every night isn't the most desirable thing. But being off the prilosec has helped some for sure. I've had mild rebound reflux lately though, but that's normal when you CT a PPI. I just didn't want to go through a taper process for something that was delaying my motility even worse. I had gone down to 10mg but then I just jumped off after my barium test because it showed no reflux, even drinking that crap laying down. I know prilosec didn't cause this though, it seems like the last course of antibiotics I did in December is what really fucked up my guts, then I fucked up my diet, only managing to get a somewhat normal diet back because I feel a bit less bloated when I'm able to shit.

Only problem is I'm kind of a dumbass and tend to hold back a bit on dinner because I'm still not quite out of the water of paranoia regarding discomfort digesting. This has gone on for months. And then this superstitious idea that I need to hold back a bit on the portion so that my valium will "work better" at night. That's not even a thing... I take it sublingually, it doesn't matter what's in your stomach. even with food, orally it's just delayed.

I don't have a krogers or any big stores around here like that. It's possible the supercenter walmart nearby would have it, or Market Basket, otherwise I'd have to go out by Boston or something (I'm from MA) to find something like this. Or just order it offline or something.

Not surprising it'd give you heartburn on an empty stomach though. I think it's similar to bananas in that way, they can irritate people a lot on empty. Both are high in fructose I believe.

But yea, it's nice to get high again. But I'm trying my best to keep it at night. These highs have been seriously amazing. They've put me in a calm trance that I have not been in for MONTHS. And in a kinda sorta good news way, I had an awful headache last night, chiefed, and the headache didn't get worse (ultimately just had to take aspirin). This is good because I was thinking THC was giving me these forehead tension headaches before. I mean it might have been? I recall one night I have a 40mg edible and next thing I knew my forehead was killing me all night. But that could've been a coincidence. I think I was placebo'ing some headache shit after that because I would expect it to happen. After not really having THC for months I may have broken that cycle of thinking.

I'd smoked more later after the headache got better and was still fine. Just absolutely chilling. But I really do need to keep it at nights so it becomes the new thing to look forward to, not valium. All valium really does is give me some mild intoxicating feeling, and I can't lie I'm kind of addicted to that even though it's nothing much. I'm gonna just be straight with my doctor after my surgery and tell him about this and begin the taper. I've always loved some feeling of mild intoxication where it's a bit hard to walk and all that. It makes me wish I didn't hate alcohol now. I could unwind with a little regularly, but I'm like, allergic to it or something. I believe alcohol use over the years is actually what caused my sinus issues. The swelling and mucus I'd get in my sinuses while hungover was absolutely insane and definitely probably not what most people experience.

It's an absolutely essential part of my life really. So I'd better toke up before my surgery (I'll have to stop probably a few days before so the anasthesia works or whatever). But I take kratom which is way stronger and I was out like a light last time for my endoscopy. I'd probably be fine.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

Hey OP, just want to say I hope you're feeling better and got this issue sorted. I'm scripted .5mgx4/day alprazolam for gut cramping issues myself the past almost three years now, but there was a few months when I moved cities where every doctor I saw gave me barely enough to make it to the next doctor, then they started acting like I was 'shopping' because they kept just wanting me to go on anti-depressants and see various 'specialists' which I have very bad reactions to, even make my GI issues worse. Eventually I asked my relatives if they knew a good doctor and my aunt referred me to her GP who is a wonderful man. He fills my script no problem now. But it did take time, and a lot of mental and physical agony to get settled again.

So I guess I'm saying, don't give up hope, but be prepared for doctors to continue treating you like you don't need your medication for a while. It's sad times we live in... but sometimes you've gotta literally hunt/shop for a good doc who will listen and give you life-saving medications.

 

[BourbonMac]

Do you know what the source of your gut cramping issues are, or is it purely stress/anxiety related?
I plan to be off by June sometime, but I'm in another situation again where I likely won't be able to get a re-fill on Friday and will have to go the weekend without any. I'm back to smoking weed for now so it shouldn't be so bad, but one of the big reasons I have been on it are for my gut problems which are still in the process of improving. Each night in particular I tend to have some issues that would make it very hard to sleep or relax without some valium. Once it's kicked in, I can snack on something and be fine.

 

[BourbonMac]

Ok apparently I picked the wrong strain tonight. I'm WAY too fucking high holy mother of ballsack pudding. Like, uh, I"m not even axaggerating it's actually this hard to type let alone think. I'm fucked up. 5 month tolerance break sure is something. I had London Mints 11 which is kind of a newish strain. Totally inverse of this Northern Lights I have which for the past few days before this had me on the most flawless high ever. Beautifully euphoric and functional. Destroys anxiety in it's tracks. If I had a tolerance this definitely wouldn't be as hard, but wow lol. It's like one of those out of body, heavy, existential crisis type highs while also being chill at the same time. That's probably from the 2nd hit I took of Northern Lights.

Seriously coming from a T-break I had no idea it was possible to get this high. Get me out of here lmao. Can't wait for my surgery so I can have a tolerance again. But I can't believe how much effects can vary

 

[Mr. Krinkle]

i swear flonase fixed my sinuses back in my early 30s when it was only available through a script

it's good stuff

it's the only thing that also stops an allergy attack dead in its tracks for me

i used to get this one attack where my nose would just run like a faucet - it was insane - clear fluid pouring out - it would send me home from work

i have a pretty bad allergy to dust mites - ive read it's most likely because of my severe allergy to seafood

 

[BourbonMac]

Only problem is it's been drying me out to the point of nosebleeds lately, but then if I don't use it, I head awful pain. The ENT shoved metal rods up my nose more than a month ago and that's where this problem began. The same guy who's supposed to fix them... I mean I know it was inevitable somewhat, my right septum is deviated a bit, but still, that was not cool. I was spitting up bloody mucus for days.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

Do you know what the source of your gut cramping issues are, or is it purely stress/anxiety related?
I plan to be off by June sometime, but I'm in another situation again where I likely won't be able to get a re-fill on Friday and will have to go the weekend without any. I'm back to smoking weed for now so it shouldn't be so bad, but one of the big reasons I have been on it are for my gut problems which are still in the process of improving. Each night in particular I tend to have some issues that would make it very hard to sleep or relax without some valium. Once it's kicked in, I can snack on something and be fine.

The source is food ingestion. Any and all food, but some is worse, some is easier to digest. But yeah, all food causes me pain.

Anxiety/stress/mental issues have no effect on my cramping whatsoever, but most in the medical establishment refused to accept that, even though anti-depressants were making my symptoms worsen. My old GP and the new one I finally found after moving and having to search around are the only two who ever believed me when I theorized that alprazolam’s myorelaxant properties are what offer me relief.

And I think my theory is standing up. I no longer get any mental effects, good or bad, from alprazolam. But it still to this day after 3 years daily use relieves cramping after meals and allows me to sleep without pain. No other medication helps with it, even most other benzos don’t, which I believe is due to alprazolam having some of the best myorelaxant properties of any benzos. It also has less mental inhibition versus other benzos and as such my doctors have felt it best I stick with alprazolam so I can still drive, stay awake at work, etc.

Some other folks on BL suffer from similar disorders to me. Just like me, no physical signs of damage in the intestine can be found. But just because they can’t find anything in a colonoscopy doesn’t mean the pain isn’t real.

In essence, I rely on a doctor willing to offer me palliative care; he treats me for pain, because as of right now, there is no known cure for whatever it is I suffer from.

 

[Mr. Krinkle]

irritable bowel

they don't know what causes that


a lot of times, other than alcohol, doctors don't know what causes pancreatitis

they just try to treat it

and part of that is pain management


kidney stones - no clue why that happens

appendicitis - nope we don't know what happened there either




it's pretty much your job to figure out whats causing most of your ailments

and that can take years to figure out because our diets are screwed up to start with, right?

 

[BenzoEnthusiast]

Alcohol does not aid benzo withdrawal as far as I'm aware.

 

[Conky]

Alcohol does not aid benzo withdrawal as far as I'm aware.

You're spot on

Alcohol prolongs the withdrawal and just makes everything worse, especially the hard stuff

 

[BourbonMac]

Stress is at least a partial component to IBS. When I was transferring to public school in 6th grade, I had it so bad that I would have diarrhea 12 times a day. I couldn't eat anything, constantly felt sick, would burp up what tasted like diarrhea. I was EXTREMELY sensitive to just about any food. Except? Pizza, lol. Once I figured that out I knew which lunch line to stand in. But that didn't stop the diarrhea episodes every morning. Teachers thought it was sus, they should have known by my trembling severely and being in a huge hurry that I was about to shit myself. My weight at that point was so terrifyingly low that some teachers thought my parents were starving me. Unfortunately my weight is just about as bad now... but i've been starving myself.

Have had the same issues with cramping, but mine is 100% stress related. I eat anything at work, bloat level 15/10. I eat anything on my day off, 0/10. Today I had a short shift at work, a few graham crackers, horrible. I came home and ate a fat sandwich and like 1200 calories of cupcakes. Why? I don't know. But I wasn't even A LITTLE BIT bloated. It's time to get the fuck out of my job because it's physically killing me. I can't eat while there, I clench my jaw, I get headaches, neckaches, backaches from overdoing it, having to do carryouts I'm not strong enough for because of low staff, it's ass.

It was hell, my IBS. It went away by middle of 8th grade, Prozac actually helped, or maybe just getting more used to the public school system. At first they had me on Paxil and that kind of uh... turned me into a huge troublemaker. I was manic. But it was so much fun lol. But I had no idea I was taking an anti-depressant either time. When I overheard my mom and brother talking about it at the beginning of high school, I was infuriated. How could they not tell me what I was actually taking? I didn't feel depressed. So I started to just flush them down the toilet instead of taking them.

What ensued were absolute miserable months of depression and mood changes and I had no idea looking back. But it all makes so much sense. No brain zaps, but wow... that was quite an unusual time. Thankfully I'd found my clowny group of friends midway into freshmen year, and I didn't need that crap anymore.

Whether or not IBS is your issue is hard to say. Are you constipated a lot? But yeah, valium was a big lifesaver for me. I would be dead from malnutrition right now if I didn't go on it. I would get gut cramps so bad I would be up all night long. Then just 2mg of valium and they were gone. Completely. I'm thankfully past it being that bad now but I have to take miralax like every day lately.

Btw, have you ever tried flexeril? It's muscle relaxant properties are on par with benzos if not a bit greater I think. It COULD be worth giving a shot, but that's up to you. I personally love that stuff, makes me feel like I'm floating on a cloud with comfort.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

Whether or not IBS is your issue is hard to say. Are you constipated a lot?

I am sometimes if I eat too much dairy or carbs. But most of the time I have no issues going two, even five times a day.

My doctors have all just called it IBS. I suffer from all forms of it, but the painful food related cramping is by far the most unbearable. I couldn't make it without alprazolam to be quite frank.

I sometimes get stopped up when I travel, that's definitely a stress related IBS thing.

Btw, have you ever tried flexeril?

I have, my roommate in college had some I held onto and tried after my issues developed. It's only a skeletal muscle relaxant though, really only helpful if you have a physical issue causing pain. I've heard some doctors call my condition 'spastic colon' which sounds apt.