• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

Is this okay... FWB relationship

M

_mistresspoppy_

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 23, 2010
Messages
169
So, ive een seeing a friend with benefits pretty regularly. Sometimes we just hang out and smoke, and sometimes we have multiple rounds of rough and amazing sex. Then he started reading me poetry, and Im not going to lie... it almost made me cry, it was so sweet. That same day, he tells me he wants to take a break, which also made me want to cry. We've still been seeing eachother. It's not that I'm in love with him, but the thought of not seeing him for a long time scares me. I care about him as a friend, not in a posessive way. He can tell me about the amazing sex he had with this gymnast chick that could do the splits on his lap, and I tell him about the 9 inch long german i spent a night with. But when he talks about a "sweet girl" that he started seeing, and how she wants to be his girlfriend, and how she wouldnt be cool with his relationship with me- that really gets under my skin. I've told him about this, and he seems to care about me too, but I'm afraid to bring it up again. I really dont want to push the subject. Is this kind of thing normal for a FWB relationship? We've BOTH broken the rules...
 
Well I guess it's normal that you wouldn't be happy for a FWB relationship to be ending, but it also sounds like the both of you (especially you maybe) have gotten a little too attached - maybe it's best that it's going to have to end now? Before things get more complicated between the two of you :\
I know it must feel like a lot but just remember you're not actually losing him - no reason why you can't still be friends!
 
hey lass...so you have got more emotionally attached than he has, from my experience 9/10 that's bound to happenif neither of you are careful...usually the females involved, too.

i don't understandwhatya mean when u mention 'both broke the rules' -first off, even if you both discuss you want NSA sex, there are norules in love and war.

second, from the way things have turned out -you wereboth sharing stories about lovers - both to work out each others true feelings for one another, although it sounds like his was very conscious and deliberate, while yours not so much.

he worked you out and he's calling quits. ifyou play with fire, be extra careful not to get burned.

next time, be more careful and look for signs like they're testing you. was this the stoner guy you were telling me about?
 
Yep, miss, I think you are the one who got feelings. It sucks when you're the one who falls into that trap. :( He might have seen it coming and that's why he wants a break.
 
I think it is difficult with FWB arrangements not to let emotions come into play. Swing with one-off random strangers it's very easy to maintain your boundaries, it's just sex isn't it. With FWBs though it's inevitable that an emotional attachment of a sort will develop cos we care about our friends don't we. It's very easy then for the line between the love we have for our friends and the love we have for our partners to become blurred, or confused. It's difficult territory to navigate. It may be that an FWB arrangement is not for you if you struggle to maintain those boundaries, and yeah, it would seem this guy has seen something developing on your part that's more than he's prepared to offer back.

I had a similar problem with a girl I was seeing where it was obvious she was falling in love with me despite having a boyfriend overseas I was meant to be a casual stand-in for but while I tried my best to keep things at arms length and discussed things with her many times to try and make sure we both new where I was at I wasn't able to stop seeing her because she'd become my best friend and I loved her bits as my best friend, and so I convined myself that between us we were leeping things on the right kind of footing despite my misgivings. We do tend to do that, rationalise things in a way that lets us keep the good stuff we want while dismissing the more problematic. It developed into a relationship, we ended up being together for about 7 years but I was never 100% happy with it because it wasn't what I planned or even chose all that much, I was just in a place where I needed her too much to put a stop to it and so kind of fell into the relationship over time. Looks like your FB has made the choice for you to prevent something like that developing.
 
Last edited:
Well, were still seeing eachother. He got me flowers, for a Mexican holiday thing. Hes the one that invites me over, if he really wanted distance he could always say he's busy. And then he says we should stop having sex- but ten minutes later hes begging for it, and of course I "give in" (considering I want it anyway). I'm still seeing other people, and he tends to get snappy and jealous when he asks what I'm doing and I tell the truth. "oh, I'm getting coffee with that guy from the bar", and he immediately replies "well if you just got done f--ing I guess you don't need to see me". Thanks for the insight, guys. And I wouldn't start a long term relationship, as much as I like him, because I also like other people (or at least having sex with them).
PS I never rub my other lovers in his face- he asks, and wants details. How big was he? What did he do? Was he better than me? Etc.
 
Oh okay, well I retract my previous statement that you especially have gotten attached - sounds like he is very much as well! Asking all those questions really makes it sound like he's very jealous of these other guys you see on top of him. From what you said I think it sounds like he has relatively strong feelings for you (feelings that he can't ignore, in any case), but he knows this is potentially detrimental to a FWB relationship/ to his friendship with you perhaps, so he'd rather break off the FWB before it's too late. That's what it sounds like anyway.
 
He sounds like the typical hypocritical guy who wants an open sex relationship until you're the one who is getting other dates. Lots of people think they can do a fwb thing but really they want to play but don't want their partner to play
 
Sepher said:
I think it is difficult with FWB arrangements not to let emotions come into play. Swing with one-off random strangers it's very easy to maintain your boundaries, it's just sex isn't it. With FWBs though it's inevitable that an emotional attachment of a sort will develop cos we care about our friends don't we. It's very easy then for the line between the love we have for our friends and the love we have for our partners to become blurred, or confused. It's difficult territory to navigate.
Click to expand...

It's easy to navigate if you don't brute force fit an arbitrary line. If you and a friend happen to become romantically attracted to each other; then so be it. It's how met *all* of my GF's from my first GF up to and including my fiance.
 
Lysis said:
He sounds like the typical hypocritical guy who wants an open sex relationship until you're the one who is getting other dates. Lots of people think they can do a fwb thing but really they want to play but don't want their partner to play
Click to expand...

This.
 
rangrz said:
It's easy to navigate if you don't brute force fit an arbitrary line. If you and a friend happen to become romantically attracted to each other; then so be it. It's how met *all* of my GF's from my first GF up to and including my fiance.
Click to expand...

Yeah man - this is almost exclusively my experience too - we can't control things like this - this is when people get really hurt and confused, when too much control over teh situation is attempted. Feelings don't work like that...luckily.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top