Is this normal behaviour at NA? I need advice.

[freesolo123]

Try to use logic I mean what is the worse that can happen? You offend one person by being firm but kind, If it is bothering you that much i wouldn't go to that group.

 

[cduggles]

@Mycophile: Thanks, I was wondering what you would think.

However, I only stated "abuse" for a reason: because ime, everyone has experienced some kind of abuse (arguably OP's husband right now). People who have been physically abused don't like to be touched sometimes, etc. Just leave it open.

I know that is possibly a technicality, but if she gets called on it, her mother seemed verbally abusive and right now OP has low self-esteem, and her home situation is complicated. (I'm trying not to get into everything at once). She can say whatever she want about verbal abuse, etc. and the truth is that she doesn't like being touched by this woman.

Like I stated, I'm practical.

There are a set of decisions for OP: to attend the same meeting; to do something about the abuse, etc.

Most people reading this understand that being labeled an addict makes your word almost worthless against someone in power.

Well that what she was labeled and her word won't hold water, particularly since the abuse it's gone on without protest. I am not blaming OP!

I don't want to go off topic too far, but you can't always throw someone to the ground and scream for help when they touch you. It's just not always possible.

Women, men and children face situations where their credibility is questioned.

This particular situation is an example of what goes on in the mind of someone who feels helpless.

We need to always blame the predator for their behavior. It's important to understand that not everyone can always speak up for themselves, practically or sometimes it's just not their temperament, which is what predators look for in a victim.

I would never advocate this kind of manipulation except to get a predator off a person with a more passive temperament. I just want to be clear about that part.

And Mycophile, you need to specify what is directed and what is directed at OP in your post. Unless I'm writing in circles too. :D

Maria, if it's not clear, you are OP (original poster). Please get back to us.

 

[aihfl]

@aihfl: What is the worst penalty generally speaking (not sure if it differs state by state cause I'm in N.Y.) for driving while on a benzo like Klonopin but if you have no alcohol or anything else in your system and didn't actually get in an accident or commit any other crime?

Would they call that a DUI or a DWI? (also which is worse and what's the difference anyway?)

Can you be stripped of your license, or would it only be like an arrest, points on your license and/or a fine and forced NA/AA or whatever??

I just want to know for sure now, and thanks for letting me know.


I took the Klonopin bottle out of my car, and no cop is ever getting me to tell him I take ANY drugs for psychiatric purposes, he's gonna have to give me a blood test to find out for sure and I very much doubt that'll ever happen to me.

I don't think I'm ever going to end up in this situation, but it's good to know that it's possible, because that will actually decrease my chances of getting in trouble for it cause I know what precautions I need to take.

Thanks

Hey Myco, I don't know what the difference is between a DUI and DWI. When I got mine, it was called a DUI, but I totally deserved to be arrested because I had taken Ativan and had a shit ton of vodka to drink. I plead out because I could have been charged with aggravated DUI instead because of the benzos and because my BAC was over .1. And also my DUI situation was atypical because I got it out of state (I am a Florida resident but got the DUI in Tennessee). Had I gotten it in Florida I would have had to go to DUI school, court ordered therapy, mandatory meetings, had my license suspended and been on a year's probation. As it was, I just paid my fine and did my 24 hours in jail and it was done with as far as the State of Tennessee was concerned.

As far as having the Kpins in your car, it's a catch 22. I don't take it daily, but I do leave a bottle of Ativan in my car for panic attacks when I'm out and about. Because if a cop pulls you over and finds loose pills you could potentially be arrested for possession. It wouldn't stick, but you might end up spending a few unpleasant hours in jail. Probably the safest thing to do is just say as little as possible if you're in that situation. As long as you're not acting fucked up and don't have a record, you'd probably just walk away from it with a moving violation.

 

[Marla1976]

@Mycophile: Thanks, I was wondering what you would think.

However, I only stated "abuse" for a reason: because ime, everyone has experienced some kind of abuse (arguably OP's husband right now). People who have been physically abused don't like to be touched sometimes, etc. Just leave it open.

I know that is possibly a technicality, but if she gets called on it, her mother seemed verbally abusive and right now OP has low self-esteem, and her home situation is complicated. (I'm trying not to get into everything at once). She can say whatever she want about verbal abuse, etc. and the truth is that she doesn't like being touched by this woman.

Like I stated, I'm practical.

There are a set of decisions for OP: to attend the same meeting; to do something about the abuse, etc.

Most people reading this understand that being labeled an addict makes your word almost worthless against someone in power.

Well that what she was labeled and her word won't hold water, particularly since the abuse it's gone on without protest. I am not blaming OP!

I don't want to go off topic too far, but you can't always throw someone to the ground and scream for help when they touch you. It's just not always possible.

Women, men and children face situations where their credibility is questioned.

This particular situation is an example of what goes on in the mind of someone who feels helpless.

We need to always blame the predator for their behavior. It's important to understand that not everyone can always speak up for themselves, practically or sometimes it's just not their temperament, which is what predators look for in a victim.

I would never advocate this kind of manipulation except to get a predator off a person with a more passive temperament. I just want to be clear about that part.

And Mycophile, you need to specify what is directed and what is directed at OP in your post. Unless I'm writing in circles too. :D

Maria, if it's not clear, you are OP (original poster). Please get back to us.

Thanks for hearing me out! You seem to understand what i am going through. I am having such a difficult time with this situation with this touchy feely "friendly" chairperson woman. I am not sure what I should do. The way I deal with it is just to give in and allow myself to be hugged and touched by this chairperson woman. Should I say something to her? I don't want to offend her. Maybe I should just continue to ignore it. The biggest thing that is holding me back are worries of offending this woman chair person or getting rejected by the NA group or being looked at as a stuck up snob. There is no good way to decline a hug, especially when the hugger is totally bent on hugging the huggee. The risk is that i may end up being viewed as a "cold fish". This short skinny creepish woman chairperson is motivated and highly competent.She is very enthusiastic, competent and helpful to other women NA members.She happens to be very good as a chairperson. She is taking advantage of me, and i am afraid that she will just go even further. I need to find a way to make her truly understand that this needs to stop..

Do you think I'm just over reacting or is this not normal?I just feel like a big failure. I am the epitome of failure. I don't know what to do my life is completely messed up.I am stuck.I understand that I'm being a wimp. What is wrong with me?Basically, I'm at the point where my self-esteem and confidence in myself has eroded to where i don't trust myself. I just continue being a weak spineless person. I'm so passive and weak. I don't understand it. I feel the overwhelming sensation of guilt all the time. I am sick of this. I feel like a failure. I feel like my life is such a mess, I just don’t know what to do anymore.I just feel hopeless. I just don’t know how to change things. I have no desire to do anything sexual with a woman. I am 100% straight.

I am not going to change my dressing style. I am dressing like this since i graduated college and got my first office job. It is my whole wardrobe. Its how i like to dress myself and that is my style. When I am feeling stressed, blue, or overwhelmed, I will dress up a bit more than usual , and put more time and effort into my hair and make up. I think it's part of the 'fake it til you make it' mentality that I have adopted. If I look pretty, it helps me to feel a little better. And very often, to cheer myself up, I'll wear red. Btw, that doesn't mean I'm always down when I wear red, just that sometimes red is my way of subconsciously sending myself positive messages. It puts me in better spirits when I look fab. It helps me feel fab on less fab days. I dress in mainly form fitting satin and silk fashionable clothing. I always dress up when I'm feeling down. In fact I think the more down I feel the more I dress up, put make up and such. Partly because it's the fake till you make mentality, partly because I have no patience for feeling sorry for myself. I definitely feel better and more competent/capable of getting through the day if I dress up a little extra on the days when I don't feel good, but have something pretty important going on. I've been doing a lot of that lately. I'm not particularly fond of wearing revealing clothes. I prefer to wear covered, yet form fitting fashionable clothes. As i said because of my body type anything i wear looks tight on me.

 

[Marla1976]

OP, I apologize if this comes off as rude or obnoxious but you're talking in circles. We get it, ok? You're attractive, you dress well, you have marital problems, you're being sexually harassed at NA and people think you're a snob at NA. The BL community has reached out to you and dispensed support and advice. How about actually engaging with us from here on out?

Let me make this clear, I don't want to seem like I'm trying to portray myself as an innocent victim in this situation. I have my demons and I have made my fair share of mistakes. A this point I find myself really struggling with the symptoms of anxiety. I feel like I need somewhere to share stuff without feeling like I am going to be judged. I don't even understand myself anymore. I feel like I'm a happy person but over the past five years I have been getting sadder and sadder and find that sometimes I lose my shit I cry and actually feel physically ill. I feel like a failure and I have a lot of guilt of the situation i am in. I feel embarrassed of the way I feel and what is am putting my family through.

 

[cduggles]

Maria,

Thank you for responding. I do understand your situation(s) and I believe you do too. You are very in touch with your state of mind, although you judge yourself very harshly.

You can send me a private message (pm) anytime or post here. We're here for you.

Attractive women don't get a lot of sympathy. Instead they get gross people who want to touch them inappropriately regardless of whether one wants it, especially when one is vulnerable. And insecure people who will say "Maria has the perfect life. Maria is beautiful and has a great husband and a lovely daughter." And they put their problems on you.

Most women love to dress up and put on makeup and feel pretty. It's not a bad thing; it's normal. Women who can't afford to or don't know how to put themselves together feel bad about themselves. It seems like they are taking it out on you.

And when a couple is talking about divorce, obviously there are big problems and affairs happen. I'm not judging, and I'm saying it happens, especially because of relationship problems, and I'm sure you have men waiting for you to need some kindness to take advantage.

Not all men are like that, to be sure, but they're always hanging around. Especially around a woman like yourself, unfortunately.

I'm not judging you at all, and I don't think anyone else is either. We want to help.

If you don't want to change meetings, I don't think a direct confrontation is the best way to go (i.e., don't directly tell her to stop touching you because it makes your uncomfortable). She knows what she's doing and isn't concerned with your discomfort. That's why I made the suggestion that I did.

The woman who is touching you is being incredibly inappropriate and because it's unwanted, it's legally classified as sexual assault. However, I understand this woman signs your attendance sheets and the NA meeting is all-women one and convenient for you.

I think you have already gotten excellent advice, but I'm going to give you a few other options. (I think going to AA or an LGBTQ meetings are great options, btw).

If you really don't want to change meetings, I would try to talk to this woman in the following way: Tell her in front of other women that you need to speak with her privately. Take her just enough aside so that you can talk to her. Make sure you are facing her and she isn't touching you. Tell her it's important. If she tries to touch you, gently stop her or back away. This is important: look directly at her facing her straight on and down on her physically. Tell her you appreciate her leadership, but that you were abused and don't like to be touched physically. Tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable and you need for her to stop immediately.

The reason I'm being specific is because physically you are being dominant while you are verbally saying something else. She will either back off or get angry. If she backs off, she'll test you again.

Regardless of how convenient it is, I would also have a backup plan with another meeting with AA being my first choice.

http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...eed-advice?p=14393332&viewfull=1#post14393332

Thanks for hearing me out! You seem to understand what i am going through. I am having such a difficult time with this situation with this touchy feely "friendly" chairperson woman. I am not sure what I should do. The way I deal with it is just to give in and allow myself to be hugged and touched by this chairperson woman.

Everything you wrote, I read. This situation is delicate and difficult. I understand you feel trapped. And while this shouldn't happen to anyone, it happens all the time. And I'm so sorry it's happening to you.

Should I say something to her? I don't want to offend her. Maybe I should just continue to ignore it.

Maria, these are your choices:

1. Do nothing, which is making a choice.
2. Change meetings (AA is usually a much more healthy type of setting from what I understand and I hear that a lot).
3. Confront the woman, either the way I suggested, which is a passive way, or a more direct way. (I don't think you are going to benefit from the direct way of just telling her not to touch you. I think you have to be a little more indirect.)

The biggest thing that is holding me back are worries of offending this woman chair person or getting rejected by the NA group or being looked at as a stuck up snob.

Maria, I type this with so much care for your situation: These women will never like you. You need to not to care what they think, or you're going to be unhappy.

No one likes to be hurt or feel rejected, but you could save these women's lives in a fire, and they would probably hate you more.

As for the chairperson, I gave you a suggestion to try not to offend her.

I understand it's easier to change nothing, and that's what most people do. I understand that changing meetings or confronting the touchy feely woman will be hard. I really do. And you shouldn't have to do anything. But you do.

We just want to try to help you somehow so you aren't being touched against your will.

There is no good way to decline a hug, especially when the hugger is totally bent on hugging the huggee. The risk is that i may end up being viewed as a "cold fish".

These women made up their minds a long time ago. That ship has sailed.

And they should help you. They aren't, and it sounds like they won't.

This short skinny creepish woman chairperson

is motivated and highly competent.She is very enthusiastic, competent and helpful to other women NA members.She happens to be very good as a chairperson. She is taking advantage of me, and i am afraid that she will just go even further. I need to find a way to make her truly understand that this needs to stop..

I think confronting her in an indirect way is your best way out unless you change meetings.

To be clear, I would change meetings.

AA has meetings everywhere, and you can quite honestly go to a better group where you fit in more and feel more comfortable and no one is touchy feely. I hope you do.

Do you think I'm just over reacting or is this not normal?

It's not normal. It's illegal.

COLOR=#141414]I

just feel like a big failure. I am the epitome of failure. I don't know what to do my life is completely messed up.I am stuck.I understand that I'm being a wimp. What is wrong with me?Basically, I'm at the point where my self-esteem and confidence in myself has eroded to where i don't trust myself.

Maria, most people in your situation feel paralyzed. There is no preparation in the world for this kind of harassment.

You have to realize there are choices, then you have to make them. You have to understand that you are capable of making them, because you are. And you deserve a group that you like where you aren't groped.

I'd like to deal with your NA problem first, but right now your husband is degrading your self-esteem. Your mention of your mother didin't sound like she was healthy towards you.

The problem at the NA meetings is not your fault. To solve it, however, you need to understand it is wrong and you don't deserve it. And then make a choice. Self-esteem is necessary for this to happen.

I just continue being a weak spineless person. I'm so passive and weak. I don't understand it. I feel the overwhelming sensation of guilt all the time. I am sick of this. I feel like a failure. I feel like my life is such a mess, I just don?t know what to do anymore.I just feel hopeless. I just don?t know how to change things. I have no desire to do anything sexual with a woman. I am 100% straight.

Maria, you aren't spineless, and you are doing what most people do. It's okay to feel this way. It's not okay for this woman to sexually assault you.

[/COLOR]
I am not going to change my dressing style. I am dressing like this since i graduated college and got my first office job. It is my whole wardrobe. Its how i like to dress myself and that is my style. When I am feeling stressed, blue, or overwhelmed, I will dress up a bit more than usual , and put more time and effort into my hair and make up. I think it's part of the 'fake it til you make it' mentality that I have adopted. If I look pretty, it helps me to feel a little better. And very often, to cheer myself up, I'll wear red. Btw, that doesn't mean I'm always down when I wear red, just that sometimes red is my way of subconsciously sending myself positive messages. It puts me in better spirits when I look fab. It helps me feel fab on less fab days. I dress in mainly form fitting satin and silk fashionable clothing. I always dress up when I'm feeling down. In fact I think the more down I feel the more I dress up, put make up and such. Partly because it's the fake till you make mentality, partly because I have no patience for feeling sorry for myself. I definitely feel better and more competent/capable of getting through the day if I dress up a little extra on the days when I don't feel good, but have something pretty important going on. I've been doing a lot of that lately. I'm not particularly fond of wearing revealing clothes. I prefer to wear covered, yet form fitting fashionable clothes. As i said because of my body type anything i wear looks tight on me.

Good for you! Go Maria!

 

[Mafioso]

Have you spoken to anyone else in the group 1 on 1 about the touching? Chances are that others have noticed the inappropriate touching if it's as brazen as you describe. I would think that even if the group is being judgmental that there will still be at least one person who can empathize with being sexually harassed or unwanted sexual attention in general. You may even find out that you are not the first.

Personally, I think you should be straight forward and upfront about not wanting to be touched for your own sake. To worry about offending her could be seen as enabling- she needs to know when, where and exactly how she is crossing your line. Some of the things you describe like hugging is socially acceptable behavior until it is clearly communicated otherwise. You don't need to offer any explanation further than "I don't like it" if you do not feel inclined. You could try to be a little more tactful while still setting firm boundaries by saying something like "I feel uncomfortable when you touch me". But either way, I think you should be clear about your boundaries, especially as someone crosses them. Silence can be misconstrued as consent. There is a chance that she believes she is just making you feel more welcome and intends no harm.

If confrontation isn't your style, then it seems like you'd have to either go somewhere else or put up with having your boundaries crossed.

 

[AMPHETAMINEGOD]

i probably went off on a tangent..don't remember writing it....

 

[Marla1976]

Maria,

Thank you for responding. I do understand your situation(s) and I believe you do too. You are very in touch with your state of mind, although you judge yourself very harshly.

You can send me a private message (pm) anytime or post here. We're here for you.

Attractive women don't get a lot of sympathy. Instead they get gross people who want to touch them inappropriately regardless of whether one wants it, especially when one is vulnerable. And insecure people who will say "Maria has the perfect life. Maria is beautiful and has a great husband and a lovely daughter." And they put their problems on you.

Most women love to dress up and put on makeup and feel pretty. It's not a bad thing; it's normal. Women who can't afford to or don't know how to put themselves together feel bad about themselves. It seems like they are taking it out on you.

And when a couple is talking about divorce, obviously there are big problems and affairs happen. I'm not judging, and I'm saying it happens, especially because of relationship problems, and I'm sure you have men waiting for you to need some kindness to take advantage.

Not all men are like that, to be sure, but they're always hanging around. Especially around a woman like yourself, unfortunately.

I'm not judging you at all, and I don't think anyone else is either. We want to help.

If you don't want to change meetings, I don't think a direct confrontation is the best way to go (i.e., don't directly tell her to stop touching you because it makes your uncomfortable). She knows what she's doing and isn't concerned with your discomfort. That's why I made the suggestion that I did.



http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...eed-advice?p=14393332&viewfull=1#post14393332




Everything you wrote, I read. This situation is delicate and difficult. I understand you feel trapped. And while this shouldn't happen to anyone, it happens all the time. And I'm so sorry it's happening to you.



Maria, these are your choices:

1. Do nothing, which is making a choice.
2. Change meetings (AA is usually a much more healthy type of setting from what I understand and I hear that a lot).
3. Confront the woman, either the way I suggested, which is a passive way, or a more direct way. (I don't think you are going to benefit from the direct way of just telling her not to touch you. I think you have to be a little more indirect.)



Maria, I type this with so much care for your situation: These women will never like you. You need to not to care what they think, or you're going to be unhappy.

No one likes to be hurt or feel rejected, but you could save these women's lives in a fire, and they would probably hate you more.

As for the chairperson, I gave you a suggestion to try not to offend her.

I understand it's easier to change nothing, and that's what most people do. I understand that changing meetings or confronting the touchy feely woman will be hard. I really do. And you shouldn't have to do anything. But you do.

We just want to try to help you somehow so you aren't being touched against your will.



These women made up their minds a long time ago. That ship has sailed.

And they should help you. They aren't, and it sounds like they won't.



I think confronting her in an indirect way is your best way out unless you change meetings.

To be clear, I would change meetings.

AA has meetings everywhere, and you can quite honestly go to a better group where you fit in more and feel more comfortable and no one is touchy feely. I hope you do.



It's not normal. It's illegal.



Maria, most people in your situation feel paralyzed. There is no preparation in the world for this kind of harassment.

You have to realize there are choices, then you have to make them. You have to understand that you are capable of making them, because you are. And you deserve a group that you like where you aren't groped.

I'd like to deal with your NA problem first, but right now your husband is degrading your self-esteem. Your mention of your mother didin't sound like she was healthy towards you.

The problem at the NA meetings is not your fault. To solve it, however, you need to understand it is wrong and you don't deserve it. And then make a choice. Self-esteem is necessary for this to happen.



Maria, you aren't spineless, and you are doing what most people do. It's okay to feel this way. It's not okay for this woman to sexually assault you.



Good for you! Go Maria!

cduggles yesterday after the NA meeting i I was very flustered as we were leaving on the parking lot i pulled this touchy feely woman chair person aside and i said to her gently “I’m sorry, I have a thing with personal space.”I explained to her that it is making me uncomfortable that i understand she is friendly and tactile, and i see her as a friendly chairperson but i feel a little uncomfortable when she touches me. She started breathing heavily and her eyes began to water quite heavy, then the tears started to flow. She broke down. I mean sobbing everywhere. I was in shock really. I wasn't expecting it. So basically, she was just crying standing in front of me, i tried to talk to her ..but she was just crying really badly,, i didn't know what to do, i was just thinking ... let her cry ...it feels better to let it out? I now started to feel my tears welling up — I'm such a softy that way. I now started to cry and reached out to hug her. She held tight. So here we were, hugging and crying in the middle of parking lot as people watched. She told me that she appreciated me calling her out and she said that she is touchy feely with friends only and that she is an extroverted, touchy-feely, huggy person. She said that because i am much taller than her, the hugs make her feel very secure and cared for. It was really awkward.I'm bad at comforting people. I pulled away from the hug. She just walked away defeated, and apparently was crying in her car. So I finally did what it took to drive her annoying ass away from me.

Problem is, after her crying and sobbing afterwards, I cant help but feel a little bit guilty. Within my region this is the only all female NA group. It is on my work to home route.I am just stopping there on my way home from work. I don't want to go to mixed gender meetings because of my husband. This woman chair person signs my attendance sheets. Also my probation officer calls her(chair person) to verify my attendance?
So was I in the wrong? If so, how should I have handled the situation?

 

[freesolo123]

How can this person be leading a NA group signing attendance sheets and be that thin skinned that she breaks down when you tell her you have personal space issues?? it doesn't make any sense she will have to deal with worse shit than a simple "i'm not comfortable with people touching me"?? I imagine that some messed up things happen at NA and need a strong person to lead at times.

Call NA if you have any issues she clearly isn't up to leading a group if she breaks down crying after this.

 

[Marla1976]

How can this person be leading a NA group signing attendance sheets and be that thin skinned that she breaks down when you tell her you have personal space issues?? it doesn't make any sense she will have to deal with worse shit than a simple "i'm not comfortable with people touching me"?? I imagine that some messed up things happen at NA and need a strong person to lead at times.

Call NA if you have any issues she clearly isn't up to leading a group if she breaks down crying after this.

I feel guilty and confused now. I think this "friendly" touchy feely chairperson woman has an issue. If she were an extroverted confident woman she would not have cried like that. Maybe its her way of manipulating people, by invading their space, not knowing her place then playing the vulnerable, making them feel guilty and getting more, as if she has all the right in the world.

 

[freesolo123]

You have told her you don't feel comfortable with physical contact so that is it dealt with and she won't touch you anymore, Its not your problem that she reacted the way she did when you told her and to be perfectly honest (though i'm no NA expert) her crying is inappropriate and makes no sense.

just go back to the group and move forward, if she tries to touch you again be firm she was warned.

 

[aihfl]

Why is this thread still even open? The OP's posts have histrionic personality disorder stamped all over them. She's acted on very little of the advice that's been dispensed. Seriously, how many of us would continue going back to a meeting where we're made to feel uncomfortable???

 

[freesolo123]

Why is this thread still even open? The OP's posts have histrionic personality disorder stamped all over them. She's acted on very little of the advice that's been dispensed. Seriously, how many of us would continue going back to a meeting where we're made to feel uncomfortable???

To be honest I have tried to not be judgemental but you have said what I was thinking (although I'm not familiar with HPD), there has been a lot of advice given but one issue turns into another and I suspect the cycle will go on and on?

 

[Marla1976]

You have told her you don't feel comfortable with physical contact so that is it dealt with and she won't touch you anymore, Its not your problem that she reacted the way she did when you told her and to be perfectly honest (though i'm no NA expert) her crying is inappropriate and makes no sense.

just go back to the group and move forward, if she tries to touch you again be firm she was warned.

I haven't completed my court ordered NA. Yesterday i got an 8 months extension. Judge told me if I didn't enroll and finish the NA classes then he would send me to jail for six months. Now i am required to go to 2 NA meetings a week for the next 8 months. My husband said that is my fault. He said that judge felt that i've had a year and since i haven't lived up to my agreement, he was free to punish me.

 

[cduggles]

Dear Marla,

Good to hear from you. How are you?

What a tough situation. Can you tell us your options for NA?

Obviously we want to help you keep your freedom.

We're listening, cduggles

 

[nuttynutskin]

What is this basket case shit?

 

[ChemicallyEnhanced]

You seriously need to report that woman. What she's doing is sexual assault and she is also taking advantage of the fact that you need her to sign your thing saying you were there. That's disgusting and there's no excuse for it.
You can't blame your husband for being jealous. You gave him a very good reason to be jealous.

The sitting or stand stiff doing nothing is very much a victim response. A teacher started touching me inappropriately when I was 14 and I had that exact same reaction. I've been raped (when I was thirteen and twice in my early-mid twenties while I was homeless) and I literally just lay there and didn't move or react in any way. I just let it happen.

If even good friends admit that they find you snobby and arrogant then sorry, but you probably are.
You do come across as having a superior attitude. You attribute only positive things about yourself while speaking negatively about everyone around you.

 

[Ed brown]

Well, I'm really sorry for what you are going through, and I really don't have any kind of good answer, sorry about that, I wish I did.

Maybe someone else has better advice than me.

You have a very complicated situation it sounds like.

You shouldn't put yourself down and call yourself things like "spineless". You don't like conflict and want to avoid it. I'm like that also but I get very angry when taken advantage of, which is rare, and try to find a way to defend myself, but I'm a man and not a woman, and I've never been in any situation remotely close to yours.

If you are nice to your daughter then I wouldn't worry about what she thinks of you because your husband yells at you in front of her. I don't know how old she is, but if anything, she'd probably think worse of her father for saying those things if you've always been nice to her.

It also REALLY pisses me off you got given a DUI for Xanax.

Is it prescription Xanax???

Did a doctor give it to you??

Cause if so, I am pretty sure you can't be given a DUI for it, but I don't know, it might be a grey area, and as someone who takes Klonopin as prescribed I could potentially be in your shoes, but I tell you I'd hire a lawyer and make a HARD case against those asshole cops, and I bet I'd win.

I don't think it's illegal to drive while under the influence of prescription medication, but I just don't know.

That might be an answer someone else here has.

I was going to say, before you got to the point about how your husband mistreats you, that maybe he'd be wiling to stick up to this chair woman for you in your defense if you can't do it, but from the sounds of it, he either might not be willing to, or that might make it worse.

I really don't know.

If it were a man who was touching you I think your situation would be very cut and dry as men are thankfully not allowed often to get away with that stuff...but it being a woman touching another woman who she has some amount of authority over just really makes the entire situation very strange and difficult and I'm sorry about that.

I really don't have any idea what to do.

I mean obviously you either deal with it and decide that the consequences of trying to stop her are worse than what she's doing, or you try to figure out how to deal with it and deal with it.

It sounds clearly like you DO want her to stop, but can't figure out a way to do it properly and I'm really not sure what to say.

Do you have any female friends you can talk to about this??

This is really much more of a woman's issue I feel, or at least a legal one maybe a lawyer could answer, but certainly something another woman could probably give better advice for.

Not that maybe some guys couldn't, but I just feel I can't imagine being in your shoes.

Maybe I'll notify one of the female mods of your situation and your post if you want, and maybe they can give you a better answer.

I hope you don't mind I'm just going to assume that this is ok with you?

You really might get a better answer from them, so I'll PM one and see what they say.

 

[Marla1976]

Dear Marla,

Good to hear from you. How are you?

What a tough situation. Can you tell us your options for NA?

Obviously we want to help you keep your freedom.

We're listening, cduggles

I am really worried at this point and realized I truly messed up. I feel like a total and compete failure to say the least. I feel like my life is going downhill. I am just so scared to go to jail. Maybe this is my rock bottom. Feeling really low today.