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Is this my life or yours?

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PixieGirl

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 20, 1999
Messages
1,864
Location
San Diego, Ca, USA
Do you ever feel that everyone is trying to live you life for you?
Why do I feel that I am an outsider in my own life?
I feel as though I am looking in on this girl who so desperately wants to live her life as she feels fit but because she lets her peers tell her what her life has become and where it will go she remains quiet.
Do I have an aweful life she thinks?
People tell me that I must be depressed because they never see me smile; I believe that my smiles are kept for the people that are dear to me.
People tell me that this life that I lead is not me, then what is it?
Am I really living the life that people have set for me, can I really not think for myself and stand up for what I believe in? Maybe not.
So with that I will tell you what I believe.
I believe that no matter what people are telling me I will continue to live my life this way and only those who are dear to me will realize that yes, this is me. I am not the person that people have drawn me to be.
 
dooood! pixiegirl.. i luv ya, luv ya.. the way u are.. im behind ya 100% in whatever u do.. just know that.. im always here for u to talk to me as well.. talk to me hon
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CARPE DIEM = Seize the day
*my philosophy*
 
PixieGirl....The opinions of people who do NOT pay your bills..hehehe...are things that you cannot be overly concerned about.
Remember to be FREE to yourself. Remember to LOVE yourself. Remember to be TRUE to YOURSELF...(Like you have been)...And all these things will give you confidence and attract people who are gathered and centered and understanding and growht-inducing to your life as well.
But most importantly Pixie..remember and believe...the People love you because YOU are YOU. Do YOU love YOU though? That's the most important question.
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"Like a bird on a wire, Like a drunk in a midnight choir, I have tried in my way to be free" - Leonard Cohen
 
thank you guys. This actually sprung out because my roommate told me that I am not acting like me and that I need to change my life etc....I think that after a lot of thinking, I have decided that she just does not know me anymore and that I do not have much in common with her.
 
hehehe..PixieGirl!!! You forgot to change the username and handle..now everyone's going to think that spencer is SCHIZO???!!!!
LOL
I'm glad you've realized that your roomie is a monkey-poopy-head. Don't let the opinions of people EVER make you digress from your own self-worth. There's so many wonderful people out there who are willing to invest time and emotion in ASKING about you from you. So it's completely not worth your energy to waste time caring about those who have prejudged you and misjudged you and are not even willing to allow their minds to be changed.
BIG SOUL HUG to you sweet spirit,
Luvs,
-Amina
 
PixieGirl - you can spend a hell of a lot of time and energy trying to make yourself into what other people want you to be - and you'll probably never manage to be what they want anyway. Stick to what you are and the people who come to you will be the ones who respect and love that.
I spent most of last year trying to modify my words and actions to fit in with some people who really weren't worth it, and who ditched me anyway when things started to go wrong in my life.
Wasn't worth it....
 
Well it just so happens I wrote a poem about such circumstances many a year ago, that I dug up just for you.
I live my life
or so I thought
For the first few years of existence I live my parents life
Then I live my siblings lives and my friends lives.
Then my teachers lives,
and my girlfriends and lovers lives,
and finally I live the capitalist life,
then I look back on those lives,
but somewhere in all this I realize that the life I was living all these years was hardly mine at all.
I'm so busy pleasing and helping and interacting in other peoples lives that I didn't even stop to think what I want from my life.
And its scary realizing sooner or later your gonna have to shit or get off the pot.
But I think I'm gonna live my life now and shit on the floor.
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If anything I do drugs to appreciate reality.
 
Exactly! I just feel that I try so hard to live the way that others want me to sometimes and I miss out on being me. I think that at least I recognize this now so I can try and change it. I know that I can be myself around most of my friends but it is the friends that I used to be close to that I feel I have to act differently for. I dont feel they wil accept me for who I have become.
 
PixieGirl..I think you've nailed it..."for who I have BECOME".
Between the ages of 18 and 21, and then between the ages of 21 and 24 and 24 and 27, I think people go through LIFE ALTERING experiences. And all our peers we've know from our HS days etc, grow, but often, not along the same paths.
There is no saying which path is right and which is wrong, because there really isn't a right and wrong path. People's experiences of lack of exposure help them build up philosophies and principals that sometimes don't match our own...and sometimes, our best friend's standards end up becoming OPPOSITE to our own.
This is so often seen in people who get married really young. 10 years down the road, the look at their lives and wonder, "Who the fuck did I marry"..cuz even though they've both grown up so much, unfortunately, they grew up in different directions and different ways.
I will teach you a little secret on how ALWAYS to be you. It will get you in trouble many times, maybe even force you to lose friendships, and maybe even make people think you are weird and crazy. Always speak your mind and perform your heart
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) YOUR mind and YOUR heart. YOUR. And then rejoice and celebrate...cuz you are a FREE INDIVIDUAL of the world and can do any damm thing you want to
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)
lol
Loads of luvs,
-Amina
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"Like a bird on a wire, Like a drunk in a midnight choir, I have tried in my way to be free" - Leonard Cohen
 
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