I've started doing 10mg of oxy 2 times a week 4 months ago,
and I feel as if it's making my pre-existing dysthymia worse.
I've also started getting headaches which I never had before.
Is that normal for oxy to cause headaches?
I've been looking into antidepressants and benzo alternatives,
because I wish i could be on something "all the time".
and the least addictive yet still effective drug I could find is called "tianeptine".
it's still not a good idea to take it every day of the week because basically your brain gets dependent on it,
and can't make itself happy anymore. it also loses it's effectiveness if you take tianeptine too often anyway.
so i'm thinking of trying tianeptine,
or maybe living life sober again...
Firstly why don't you just take kratom as from what I read its better as an anti depressant and would be less harmful that what you're currently taking.
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Ive been sober for over a year and let me tell you im probably more depressed than ive ever been on a day to day basis. I certainly appreciate not having horrific comedowns (so those aweful freefalls are gone) but now i have nothing to look forward to in life. Any 'natural highs' like pussy or money are almost impossible to get a steady supply of and are guarded by tyrants who seem to revel in your misery and keeping you down.
Tried therapy (CBT and talking therapy), hobbies, and none of that shit would even scratch it. I dont want to be 'high all the time' but even now and then would be fine to at least give me something to aim for.
Now I am just fucking miserable all the time. At least with drugs you can reliably control when you will feel good, its just the comedowns from stims which are obscenely unacceptable to me hence why I have started to get an interest in downers. Im just afraid form what I read tho that physical withdrawal is like a monster stim comedown in that it has all the shittiness but lasts way longer. Is this true?
I think over a year of sobriety is enough to say ive given it a good try. Humans have relied on substances throughout time to 'get by' in this cruel world so I don't think it's unreasonable to want some mind altering substance to get some recreational value. Ie I dont see it as a 'product of the sick 21st century society'. Maybe it isnt the best of the best way to live but life is fucking imperfect.
Living the sober life is probably the hardest thing Ive ever tried to do. I was never a big binger or addict mind you, only took anything once every few months or so max. but when those little treats are gone there is just baron and desolate land ahead of you with no sign of respite.
Life is just so brutal and unforgiving when you don't have a substance to lean on. All the '9-5'ers have alcohol (which I hate same deal with weed) which they use as their crutch so its unfair that I have to suffer in silence. And ofc Im in a first world country and should be 'happy for my lot' as my mother says so I also feel guilty that Im miserable while 'ppl in africa are starving'.
At the moment life just seems like endless drudgery before the inevitable final release of death.
