• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

Is the gym a "creeper" place to approach girls?

At my gym women are the minority so I would never approach them even just to have casual conversation. They already give off a vibe of insecurity.

Besides, I'm not into girls. But hitting on guys is even more difficult :P
 
Guys don't know what it's like to be hit on all of the time, and even most women don't know what it's like to deal with this as someone with aspergers. It feels a lot like this, actually: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/09/four-levels-of-social-entrapment.html

Over time, I've learned some signals and excuses that usually work when I want to get away from a random friendly person I don't want to talk to... until I am talking to some guy who wants to flirt with me. In spite of rapidly deteriorating small talk, these guys are significantly more clingy and attempt to ignore or counter the excuse in order to prolong my interaction with them. So, I'm sorry, but the way I have been treated makes me nervous when I receive attention from men, and I think that's understandable.
 
I dunno, I agree with rangrz and Lysis frankly. Can't complain about getting attention. I think it's flattering, whether or not I'm interested in the guy myself. It's when they don't get the hint and literally harrass you that it becomes creepy and that you get to complain, but obviously most guys never do that. Just be happy others find you attractive really.
 
Everyone has their own perspective on what's creepy. I say if you are interested in someone from the gym then give it shot and talk to her. If she finds you creepy then I guess you're not going to get a date. But, If you don't try you could miss out on someone who could be really great.
 
If you're going to chat up someone at the gym, I recommend doing it after both of you are just finished working out. You'll both be in a better place hormonally and neurologically to either give or receive this sort of interaction.

"Creepy" in this context (and many contexts, actually) essentially boils down to "forced". It took me a lot of life experience to realize this. If you striking up a conversation with a woman you find attractive at the gym is natural and spontaneous, and you tactfully let the conversation peter out if she doesn't seem receptive, that's not creepy.

Lysis and rangrz, people with Asperger's syndrome don't read people well, and tend to have a lot of experience getting taken for a mark and being socially rejected. For a lot of them, therefore, most social interaction, especially with strangers, takes on stressful associations. etasu, it's actually very easy -- if you're not interested in a guy who's talking to you, just kind of ignore him. Mumble a one-word monotone response but don't look at him, and just keep minding your own business. Most guys will get the message, and won't be any sort of threat. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing you feel you need to answer them in kind and engage them, because it's the right thing to do. I'm guessing this is really stressful, because you can't tell if the guy has an agenda or not, but can't bring yourself to run a different script and engage less with him. It may be counterintuitive, but believe me: being lukewarm right off the bat makes things easier for both of you, at least 99% of the time.

Please also understand, etasu, that some of the guys who approach you might actually be quality people who'd understand you an get along well with you, and would never want to make you uncomfortable. You may be missing some great opportunities by not working with a professional trained in dealing with your condition who can teach some simple and fairly good strategies for telling a gentleman and a scholar apart from a smarmy pervert or a sly player.
 
not creepy at all

just ask em to spot for you while you bench press

then casually tell em next time to wear looser shorts n no underwear

women eat that shit up
 
@MDAO: I am aware of the implications of Aspenger's, generally speaking at least. I was taking issue with the statement of it "being absolutely horrifying" I can understand it being unpleasant and off-putting, but on an objective and absolute scale of horrifying possible scenario's, it's not really a contender for being a 10/10 or even a 4/10 on the scale.
 
As long as you don't go to the gym to pick up buff gals then it's not weird or creepy - EVERYWHERE is a possibility, for different kinds of gals. I have thought the same about the swimming pool - generally people are at these places to focus and get fit, but that doesn't mean there is potential for meeting someone nice at the gym, and chatting - I've made friends from the gym, and started up acquaintances with people I swam with. It shouldn't be a problem, as long as you are aware to signs of "fuck off, I'm here to exercise and nothing more" - which is usually pretty obvious anyway.
 
Guys don't know what it's like to be hit on all of the time, and even most women don't know what it's like to deal with this as someone with aspergers. It feels a lot like this, actually: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/09/four-levels-of-social-entrapment.html

Over time, I've learned some signals and excuses that usually work when I want to get away from a random friendly person I don't want to talk to... until I am talking to some guy who wants to flirt with me. In spite of rapidly deteriorating small talk, these guys are significantly more clingy and attempt to ignore or counter the excuse in order to prolong my interaction with them. So, I'm sorry, but the way I have been treated makes me nervous when I receive attention from men, and I think that's understandable.

Although I don't have Aspergers, I feel like I can relate to some way. The way that guys have approached me in the past has not made me excited for more guys to give me attention. I try and avoid it. This is an article that I can relate to, and I expect you could to: http://www.rolereboot.org/culture-a...r-to-the-guy-who-harrassed-me-outside-the-bar Granted, we aren't talking about this completely. But it is important to know your boundaries when you're hitting on a girl.

Yeah, it is a compliment to be hit on. But it does get to the point where the guy doesn't get the hint and he just won't leave you alone. I don't mind if a guy approaches me and asks me out and then gets the fact that I'm not interested. That is fine. But, more often than not, it just ends up uncomfortable or he's annoying or whatever. Negative reinforcement, pretty much. And it sucks when you can't enjoy something and guys keep talking to you. That's why I think many guys should just understand when a girl is not interested.

I still think that the OP can approach a girl that he wants to talk to at the gym. But don't try to talk to her while she's in the middle of exercising. Don't stare at her nonstop. I dunno, that kinda thing.
 
llama, do you wear like an ipod or something? I never kept up with a gym, but when I did go, I wore ipod headphones and no one ever bothered me.
 
there's a saying 'don't shit where you eat' which pretty much means engaging in sexual relations with someone who you'll always see at any given location isn't a very good idea
i.e co-worker, waitress of your favorite deli, someone who is studying the same thing as you, members at the same gym, etc

if you really value your membership to this particular gym, you should just forget about it unless coincidence innocently brings the two of you together

because there are so many situations that can play out that would make returning to the gym extremely uncomfortable

even if you do win over her interest, you may go on a few dates and have it just not only not work out, she might grow to hate you during your brief time spent together

if the gym isn't that important, just go for it
 
i wouldnt ever engage a woman in the gym simply because she is there to do something, not to be approached. they get plenty of that at any other moment.

i do, however, allow myself to appear highly approachable, and easily engaged.
 
llama, do you wear like an ipod or something? I never kept up with a gym, but when I did go, I wore ipod headphones and no one ever bothered me.

Yeah, I find that can reduce the number of people who try to talk to you :). That being said, I've avoided the gym for a while, I prefer to work out at home where there aren't other people around LOL. But, for those who want to not be bothered at the gym, for sure!!
 
i wouldnt ever engage a woman in the gym simply because she is there to do something, not to be approached. they get plenty of that at any other moment.

i do, however, allow myself to appear highly approachable, and easily engaged.
maybe she's there to allow herself to appear highly approachable, and easily engaged?

alasdair
 
Yeah - I think it's pretty easy to give off a vibe at the gym of whether you're up to being approached or not. If you keep your ipod on and avoid all eye contact, you should be good. But for instance earlier today I noticed a cute guy was looking at me while I was working out, so I made sure to glance at him not-so-subtly every once in a while and sure enough, we started talking once we were both done.
OP, just make sure to read these women's body signals before approaching them so you can figure out if they're open to it or not.
 
There's quite a few people who use gyms like night clubs. Or so I've heard, since you'd NEVER catch me in a gym. The entire concept is annoying.
 
Top