is it ok to lie sometimes to your SO?

[pirate24]

I've been asking myself that same question lately. There are some things I hide from my girlfriend that could ruin our relationship, but aren't that bad. Like my drug habit. I always keep everything strictly in moderation, even the hard stuff, and for years I've never had any problems. If she found out about any of the stuff I've been doing, though, she'd probably at the very least be worried about me. If the tables were turned though, I know I'd want to know if she was doing the same thing.

The other thing is something completely stupid. When we were still getting to know each other I lied about my prior sexual experience. Now every now and then she asks me about my previous girlfriends and I have to make shit up, it's like a spiderweb of lies. And I think it's too late now to just say I made them up because I've been playing along with it for so long. I just dismiss them as flings so I hope it just disappears. It's kind of messed up though haha.

Now I'm thinking of adopting a 100% honestly policy, even for the little stuff. Some people say what she doesn't know won't hurt her. I don't subscribe to that notion. Just think if the tables were turned. Would you want to know the truth? Of course you would. That seems a bit glib now that I read it back but that's what I think.

 

[alasdairm]

Hey Rangrz, can you give me details on the timing and overland travel route of a mech inf coy going on an offensive in Helmand province?"

Sure! Let me just tell you the complete and total truth about that classified data! What could possibly go wrong?

again, it's quite possible to not reveal a secret and tell the truth. they're hardly mutually exclusive and your ridiculous hypothetical situation doesn't prove anything. how about:

"Hey Rangrz, can you give me details on the timing and overland travel route of a mech inf coy going on an offensive in Helmand province?"
"no, i can't for security reasons"

how hard is that?

telling the truth doesn't mean telling everybody, everything all the time.

alasdair

 

[purplefirefly]

Well in the particular situation I am thinking of, it was a little more complicated than "Oh yeah, they dated for a little while. She's a nice chick, I'm not threatened", in fact quite a bit more complicated. Which was my point entirely:
That it can entirely depend on the situation.

Remember also I was just playing devils advocate to give the OP something to think about. I have never lied to my partner, so you don't have to lecture me on trust in relationships, but thank you.

How was I lecturing? I was giving my opinion on the statements you wrote.

I still believe there are deep seeded issues if a partner feels compelled to lie or if a partner feels completely insecure. Neither situation are healthy. Insecurity may or may not be based on incidents with the current partner, but are issues nonetheless.

I know I will always want to know the truth. The lie will always hurt more than the truth will. My philosophy is that if someone can lie about something small then they can lie about something big. People who act and behave like they are guilty usually are.

 

[ZombieK]

You shouldn't lie about something like that. The fact that you even posted about it means you know you were wrong and are looking for people to tell you it was okay that you did that. You should/should have just been honest up front. Question.. why even go meet up with an ex if there's nothing left there. Next time offer to let your gf go with you to see your ex. Should be no biggie if its all innocent, right?

 

[rakeone]

You shouldn't lie about something like that. The fact that you even posted about it means you know you were wrong and are looking for people to tell you it was okay that you did that. You should/should have just been honest up front. Question.. why even go meet up with an ex if there's nothing left there. Next time offer to let your gf go with you to see your ex. Should be no biggie if its all innocent, right?

ZombieK is right.. every ex I went to grab a coffee with ended in a motel room