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Is Having Sex With A Woman That Has A Boyfriend Wrong???

Larr_E

Larr_E

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 9, 2001
Messages
11,231
Location
Highland, Ca
A quasi-coworker (quasi because she works for the same company but on the other side of town) has been dropping major hints on me the past week and has set up a lunch date for us in the near future. The fact that she is a coworker is another thread all together, this I know. My question (as stated in the subject line) is the objections between the sexes about having an affair with a person that's already in a relationship with somebody else. Any ideas? I've asked two people in my office and both say I should go thru with it but I saw my brother's wife cheat on him and how it tore his soul out but these two aren't married and to be frank? She's really hot...


SIDE NOTE: When I say wrong I mean is it wrong for me on my end NOT on hers. Obviously she is wrong...
 
Co-workers may have been the wrong people to ask for an opinion..

What is the nature of the existing relationship? How do you know they haven't broken up?
 
Married or not married, being cheated on is still really really shitty. You saw how much it hurt your brother when his wife cheated on him, so, in my opinion you shouldn't knowingly make another man feel like that. Who cares if she's hot? There are other hot people in the world :D Find one that isn't in a relationship, and you're good to go :)

/$0.02
 
Whether or not she has a boyfriend is none of your business, provided you're not friends, family, or co-workers with him. That's her business with him. Not yours. Do what you want to do and don't try to anticipate whether or not you are doing the right thing for him. You don't owe it to a stranger to take care of him. She may - or may not - owe him, who knows. But you don't.

If they were married, that would be different. That's one of the main purposes of marriage. The ring means, "Others stay away." There has to be a dividing line somewhere, and humans have had this line for thousands of years.

If you're not crossing the marriage line, and you're not betraying a friend, then it's not something that you need to worry about.

(sorry about my tone, everyone, i'm in a foul mood and can't shake it. but i mean what i wrote.)
 
If my GF cheated on me I would be more mad at her than the guy.

That being said, Its tough to say what would happen if I met that guy in person recently after the fact. If he wasn't MMA fighter material I would probably do my best to beat the living shit out of him, so you open yourself up to that possibility.

It really has more to do with how serious the relationship was, and the personality of the guy involved.
 
I can see both sides of this.

She is the one that is in a relationship with this man - not you. You have no obligation to him whatsoever. However, on some level I feel that we are all obliged to do the right thing by our fellow man, regardless of whether we know them personally or not.

Look, it's definitely not the right thing to do on your behalf, but it's up to you. If you're going to feel guilty about it - don't do it.

"Do unto others.."
 
If they're in an open relationship-which they're probably not-then it's going to be cheating. Are you even sure that this woman wants to go there with you? I mean you do work together and perhaps she just wants to get together to discuss work matters only?

I am not you, this woman, and I don't work for your company or know what sort of company you work for at all but there's always the possibility that you're reading into this wrong. Or are you worried that whoever she's with will assume that just because she's having only lunch and conversation as a co-worker/work acquaintance that they'll flip out and accuse her of cheating on them when you're just having lunch together?

People are going to do what they want though. I know a lot of people who have or do cheat on their partners and sometimes their partner knows about it or suspects, and sometimes they don't care what their partner does, or they make up excuses like "I happen to like people who cheat on me." or "My ex's all cheated on me so I'm used to it or I wouldn't be surprised if the person I'm with now has cheated on me."

There's also the opinion that if someone cheats on their partner it's not the problem or issue of the person who they're having the affair with who is the "other" man, woman, men, women, or men and women in some cases since they are not the ones in a supposedly monogamous relationship and cheating with someone like the person who is having the affair on their partner(s) is.

Personally I am not OK with someone who I'm with cheating on me or lying about it. I would rather have them ask me "Can we have an open relationship?" or having them tell me that they want to have sex with other people even if it meant us breaking up, instead of going behind my back and lying and cheating and pretending that they've been completely monogamous when they haven't or don't want to be.

Since you work with this woman and you've told your co-workers and friends about her or asked if it's OK if she has an affair with you, word is going to get out that you're having an affair or sleeping with her if this happens or if you're seen together fairly often.
 
A lot of you guys seem to have the mentality of "if his GF is cheating on him, that's their problem, not mine". Well that might be the case, but by sleeping with her, you're causing as much harm as the female here. In much the same way, giving a crazy guy a gun in a schoolyard might not be your problem, but you're causing a lot of harm with your actions.
 
How would you feel about, ermmm.... feel towards, the slippery snake that was piping your girl?

That is the simple answer.

:)
 
Hey Larr_E, to add to Priest's point, are you sure you're not reading it wrong? You would know better than we would, but we're just bringing it up. I'm curious how you know she has a boyfriend when you guys don't technically work together. I'm asking because I'll drop the "I have a boyfriend" line when I don't want the guy to get the wrong idea or I want him to back off. It's a PC way to say "Ain't nevah gonna happen, bro" in the workplace. LOL I also get caught up with being too flirty, and I don't mean to but I do get the boys' attention. lol That's just something I want to point out, because you really have to proceed with caution here. You're about to possibly open pandora's box (zing!) in the workplace, so you really have to be careful.

As for it being wrong or not, well, it is wrong and IMO asking for trouble since it's in your workplace. If she's not willing to break it off with her BF who she's apparently not happy with, then it could go the other way where the two of you proceed, and she plays both sides. You could easily handle it if it wasn't in the workplace, but she could cause some huge drama if something happens. Sure, she'll say nothing will happen, but you never really know until you're in that moment where she or you are pissed because the other has done something regarding the relationship.
 
totally her boyfriends problem! If he cant keep his girl happy and not cheating thats his fail. If it was your friend that would be another story, but all is fair in love and war so fuck him...and most importantly..fuck her! :)
 
Care said:
if I met that guy in person recently after the fact. If he wasn't MMA fighter material I would probably do my best to beat the living shit out of him, so you open yourself up to that possibility.
Click to expand...

This could happen to the "other guy" regardless. There are women who go out and get laid and don't tell the guy that they have a bf - or even a husband.

If someone came after me for whatever reason, I'd treat it the same as if some punk jumped me on the street. And the law would be on my side, because there's no right to use violence to remedy hurt feelings. So if you won, it would mean prison. If you lost, you would be hurt or dead. All for a girl you thought was "yours", but who turned out not to feel the same way.

There is a bright line that works here, people: marriage. It's the same as the abortion debate. When is it a baby? There are all sorts of beliefs on the subject, but the only workable, universal solution is when the baby is born and living on its own. You want the moral high ground, as well as the clear, "do not cross this line" signal, time-tested and universally-recognized? Get married!
 
Lysis said:
Hey Larr_E, to add to Priest's point, are you sure you're not reading it wrong? You would know better than we would, but we're just bringing it up. I'm curious how you know she has a boyfriend when you guys don't technically work together. I'm asking because I'll drop the "I have a boyfriend" line when I don't want the guy to get the wrong idea or I want him to back off. It's a PC way to say "Ain't nevah gonna happen, bro" in the workplace. LOL I also get caught up with being too flirty, and I don't mean to but I do get the boys' attention.
Click to expand...

She is kind of new to our company and was being flirty for the first few weeks and always smiles when i'd walk thru the door. Our paths never crossed for the jobs we both have and we'd go out of our way to just happen to say hello. Earlier this week we had a small conversation but I had to run and she had said to just email her... Over 200 email later the topics of her needing to rape me has come up as well as me going with her to Nevada to go see George Lopez. The boyfriend thing was mentioned in the begining and i'd bring him up from time to time and she'd just side step the topic or make a joke like "i'm sure he'd be fine with you and I going out as long you bring him something back when I drop her off (like a doggy bag or 12 pack)...
 
if you didn't work with her, I would say go for it as long as you didn't have heavy guilt feelings about it (not for me, but I'm not here to judge your morals). The fact that you work with her, though, means when (not if) something goes wrong, not only will you have been dipping the personal pen in company ink, you will have been using someone else's inkwell, and there is no way this can reflect well on you.
 
I wouldn't go so far as to say 'Cheating' is wrong. It's ultimately up to the person in question to decide whether or not it's morally acceptable to themselves, not others. Generally speaking, cheating is bad news. Knowing how it tears people up, and going forth with it is really a scummy thing to do. Personally, I wouldn't fuck someone who had a boyfriend. As a male, I don't want to care about those things, but I do because I have morals. Not to mention the idea that a possible relationship began with this girl cheating on somebody else isn't necessarily a clean start. It leaves questions in you're own head for down the road. Questions such as "Well, she cheated on this guy with me, whats stopping her from cheating on me with that guy?".
 
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