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Is having a partner one of the main goals in Life?

nznity

nznity

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 24, 2017
Messages
7,881
Hey guys,
so as im approaching the age of 30, with the current state of world events and shit, ppl neither want to marry nor have kids anymore.
I'm asking myself whether truly it is a must requirement/one of the most important things u gotta do in life or not?
Tbh, since I chose this path of fucking sorrow ive only made people suffer and actually I've been avoiding having to deal with a relationship in years.
are some of u lone fucking wolves like I am? Or u guys can't live without being attached to someone? What are ur opinions?
p.s edited the mandatory word since so many smartasses were complaining+ it wasn't the suitable word either for what I truly meant. Now let's carry on with the discussion.
Love xx
 
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Nothing is mandatory in life.
After being single for many years, I am now in a long-term relationship and I have to say that having a good partner makes life better in every way. Relationships can bring a lot of pain and suffering, but that's just how it is. In my opinion, you should never actively avoid having that sort of experience out of fear of what may or may not end up happening. Always take advantage of new opportunities when they present themselves.
 
I think a social species like the human does need frequent social contact, even those who don't generally like it. I don't think you need a single partner to achieve that though. You can be single but still have plenty of fulfilling contact with friends, neighbors, colleagues, family and those you meet in day-to-day activities or hobbies.
 
4meSM said:
Nothing is mandatory in life.
After being single for many years, I am now in a long-term relationship and I have to say that having a good partner makes life better in every way. Relationships can bring a lot of pain and suffering, but that's just how it is. In my opinion, you should never actively avoid having that sort of experience out of fear of what may or may not end up happening. Always take advantage of new opportunities when they present themselves.
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Its not that im scared of commitment but I'm not actually in shape rn for a relationship tbh anyway, both physically and mentally. I needa fix myself first, I also think that true love comes from within... a partner helps to procure a family and as the man you supposed to provide and protect for yours...sadly all these core values are being lost in western society. So what's even the point for having a couple now? Kids? People are struggling to get by with their lives, let alone raise a kid in this society. Get married? For what?
At least half of my friends cheat at some given time, I've been cheated on,etc.
I see your point though, there's studies confirming that having a couple helps your wellbeing overall, still I'm not gonna actively look. If someone comes fine, if someone doesn't it's fine aswell.
I used to get sad at these things and go get high as a fking kite but it's time to show real love for myself.
 
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CFC said:
I think a social species like the human does need frequent social contact, even those who don't generally like it. I don't think you need a single partner to achieve that though. You can be single but still have plenty of fulfilling contact with friends, neighbors, colleagues, family and those you meet in day-to-day activities or hobbies.
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Yeah, my friends fill pretty well that aspect of my life. After several years of extreme opiate abuse, my sex drive is practically null too. I don't even remember when was the last time I had a wank, drugs do fuck you up in so many unimaginable ways. I hope one day someone fitting for me comes tho, I wouldn't like to die alone and forgotten.
 
I spent most of my adult life in serious relationships, and I wouldn't take back those memories for anything. Obviously they didn't work out for various reasons because I'm 52 and still single, but I'm very happy that way right now.

So far as it being mandatory, no, not at all. The only things that we need to do is eat, drink water and sleep.
 
CFC said:
That would be impossible. You're surrounded by and connected to the universe that you come from at all times and forever, whether another human is physically present at your time of death or not <3
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What a powerful message man, thank you for that one. Yeah, I tend to forget you and I are the same. We come from the eternal source, we have unlimited power, we are eternal, we are pure fucking ❤️ love.
 
In my experience, the fantasy is always better than the reality. Maybe that's just me being cynical, but it's true. I've had the privilege of going out with a few of the most awesome women I ever met, but after a few years of arguing over money/work schedules/etc., I realized that it would never work out long-term.

That's just my own past experience, and I'm still a true romantic at heart. Maybe one of these days I'll meet the right one.
 
nznity said:
What a powerful message man, thank you for that one. Yeah, I tend to forget you and I are the same. We come from the eternal source, we have unlimited power, we are eternal, we are pure fucking ❤️ love.
Click to expand...

I didn't really mean it in a deep ethereal we are all love kind of way. Many of us are not love - or loved - in any way :) But it is a literal fact we are all part of the same universe, and whatever 'we' are made from, we come from it, feed from it, excrete into it, and we return to it when our human forms die, forever to be recycled in other forms within that universe. Your matter goes on forever. That provides comfort to some in its own sort of way.
 
Dreamflyer said:
I spent most of my adult life in serious relationships, and I wouldn't take back those memories for anything. Obviously they didn't work out for various reasons because I'm 52 and still single, but I'm very happy that way right now.

So far as it being mandatory, no, not at all. The only things that we need to do is eat, drink water and sleep.
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Don't forget the spiritual food... that one is the most important of all but true "romantic Disney type of love forever and ever after" doesn't exist.on average After 2 years, boredom starts to sink in. The high* u experience from love fades away, u start noticing the other persons defects and shit.
But better experiencing and losing it, than never experiencing at all.
 
nznity said:
Don't forget the spiritual food... that one is the most important of all but true "romantic Disney type of love forever and ever after" doesn't exist.on average After 2 years, boredom starts to sink in. The high* u experience from love fades away, u start noticing the other persons defects and shit.
But better experiencing and losing it, than never experiencing at all.
Click to expand...

You are right on and I feel most relationships eventually get to a point where from an outsider’s perspective one or both people are miserable. But that experience is very much worth it to me.

After my recent breakup I’ve decided to give poly a try with the idea that each relationship I enter will have a shelf life. I do not intend to push any relationship I’m in, past that shelf life.. I also hope I can convey as I go along my intentions fully so no one ever gets their hopes up that I’m in for the long haul. I’m here until it’s more headache than fun, then I’m gone. We’ll see how it goes..

Love is like the best drug of all time but when you comedown it’s absolute hell. Losing that high makes a cocaine comedown seem like a walk in the park.

-GC
 
G_Chem said:
You are right on and I feel most relationships eventually get to a point where from an outsider’s perspective one or both people are miserable. But that experience is very much worth it to me.

After my recent breakup I’ve decided to give poly a try with the idea that each relationship I enter will have a shelf life. I do not intend to push any relationship I’m in, past that shelf life.. I also hope I can convey as I go along my intentions fully so no one ever gets their hopes up that I’m in for the long haul. I’m here until it’s more headache than fun, then I’m gone. We’ll see how it goes..

Love is like the best drug of all time but when you comedown it’s absolute hell. Losing that high makes a cocaine comedown seem like a walk in the park.

-GC
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^^^ Very Nice. <3

Been there did Done that . . . . . . . 🌞
 
'Mandatory' -I hope not! 😆

CFC said:
I didn't really mean it in a deep ethereal we are all love kind of way. Many of us are not love - or loved - in any way :) But it is a literal fact we are all part of the same universe, and whatever 'we' are made from, we come from it, feed from it, excrete into it, and we return to it when our human forms die, forever to be recycled in other forms within that universe.
Click to expand...
Oh Kay, Please refrain from 'excreting' in my universe, CFC -ffs sick of dealing with your shit. 😉😁
I'll set Greta Thurnburg on you!
 
4meSM said:
Nothing is mandatory in life.
After being single for many years, I am now in a long-term relationship and I have to say that having a good partner makes life better in every way. Relationships can bring a lot of pain and suffering, but that's just how it is. In my opinion, you should never actively avoid having that sort of experience out of fear of what may or may not end up happening. Always take advantage of new opportunities when they present themselves.
Click to expand...
Pain & suffering though?
It's not all roses but it should enhance your life - am guessing, you are just being raw, but I hope they are treating you right?
 
nznity said:
Hey guys so as im approaching the age of 30, with the current state of world events and shit, ppl don't wanna either marry nor have kids anymore.
I'm asking myself whether truly it is a must requirement in life or not?
Tbh, since I chose this path of fucking sorrow ive only made people suffer and actually I've been avoiding having to deal with a relationship in years.
are some of u lone fucking wolves like I am? Or u guys can't live without being attached to someone? What are ur opinions?
Click to expand...
Relationships take many shapes & guises, life is too short not to form attachments (if you desire them)...find what fulfills you & the other. It doesn't have to be 'cookie-cutter', but if it's good & works, it works. 😉❤️
 
I've never wanted kids so that's not an issue with me. I've been a serial monogamist all my life and my relationships generally last 5 to 8 years. I cherish all of the memories-- some more than others.

I haven't been in a romantic relationship for several years now and I'm OK with that. I'm open to one but I'm not actively looking. I have a few close friendships and a dog that adores me. I've always been a bit of a loner and I'm very comfortable by myself, so I'm alone but not lonely.

My libido has been low for a while due to age (63) and opioid addiction, so I'm not craving sex but I do miss intimacy sometimes. If I were to meet a woman and we were attracted to each other then I'd probably feel that spark again and I'd kick the kratom and get a script for Viagra if necessary. I love being in love but it's certainly not crucial for my happiness.

I learned a long time ago that I'd  much rather be alone and sometimes wish I was with someone than to be with someone and wish I was alone.
 
I haven't been in any romantic relationships in about 6 years, but I do have a handful of very close friends that I spend a lot of my non-work time with. However, I have never really been about physical intimacy, and that's definately an important factor in the calculus of relationship importance for yourself.
 
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