Advice Is being a black guy a barrier to dating?

[Jabberwocky]

OP’s comment that he exclusively dates outside his own race makes me want to know more about his experiences and attitude.

I definitely have a sexual preference for Asian women but that is not necessarily the same as my dating preference if we are talking about dating as hopefully the precursor to a meaningful long-term loving relationship. I’m quite happy to casually fuck people on the basis of their being physically desirable (ie Asian and cute) and polite and friendly but for long term I’d trade a lot of that off against qualities where I am racially neutral like intelligence, ethics, morality, personality-type, character, interests, education, career, attitude towards certain types of substance use I would never give up etc etc.

There is probably no racial type I would not at least date a couple of times if it looked like a good match on all those things but not a close match on physical characteristics provided they didn’t smoke and fell within my fairly broad boundaries regarding female attractiveness. Which basically amount to being slightly shorter than me, healthy body weight, and modest chest/waist/hips size and ratios.

I’ve enjoyed sex with more than 100 Asian women and still would skew that way if Tindering but really only about 5% of them were worth dating long-term while the few meaningful long-term loving relationships I’ve had have only been with Caucasian women - who eventually ended up awesome to sleep with.

 

[nepalnt21]

i personally could never do a dating app, i have to know the person irl and we have to vibe.

dating is a rare situation where i believe in gut instinct.

i have persued women a few times, but my deepest relationships were always from me being open... and they just found me.

i know a couple women from work that exclusively go for black dudes, one is hispanic and another is white; neither of them are pin cushions or skin mural types (not that there's anything wrong with that)... both are pretty cool and intelligent.

they exist, but if the dating profile isn't reeling em in, go out and meet people. try and fail, try and fail, try and fail and eventually something will click.

please, as others are saying, don't change yourself to melt into the arbitrary standards of commercialist society.

be yourself, be open and honest... and have a sense of humour. i think i attract certain women because i don't take myself too seriously and i actually listen to people. you ever meet someone that seems to be not listening, just waiting for the time to interject? don't be that guy.

ok, i'm kratom/ gabapentin rambling now... time to pinch it off and wipe lol

 

[Kellsee]

I dont really understand the point in questions like this. I think its petty tbh

We call it shit stirring where I am from

Just my opinion tho. Who am I and what do I know

 

[Kellsee]

I think I may have spoke too soon. I feel like I might have missed something. If Ive done that I am sincerly sorry. I hate it when people do me that way. I definitely never want to intentionally do someone else that way.


Is this a black male asking this question or a white female? After reading some of the posts I am now confused. I thought it was a white female.

 

[arrall]

Is this a black male asking this question or a white female? After reading some of the posts I am now confused. I thought it was a white female.

I believe that OP is a black male. Their profile photo is of a white female which is likely what gave you that misconception.

I think I may have spoke too soon. I feel like I might have missed something. If Ive done that I am sincerly sorry. I hate it when people do me that way. I definitely never want to intentionally do someone else that way.

Don't beat yourself up too much, we all make mistakes and impulsively speak too soon. Especially since this is a forum with an edit button! You can just correct and reword anything you have said that you regret and move on.

 

[negrogesic]

The deep south is probably the least racist place in the country. It has the longest history of mixed communities and the highest population of non-whites. The hatchet was buried a long time ago.

Interesting way of phrasing it (don't have much experience with the deep south).

Wait, is the deep south the same thing as the dark web, or is that different

 

[Kellsee]

I believe that OP is a black male. Their profile photo is of a white female which is likely what gave you that misconception.


Don't beat yourself up too much, we all make mistakes and impulsively speak too soon. Especially since this is a forum with an edit button! You can just correct and reword anything you have said that you regret and move on.

Thank you very much especially for the way you handled your response to me. That was very helpful and insightful. And you exactly right. I just took it for granted that this was a white female and tbh it pissed me off. I am just so over all the hypocrisy and silent oppression. Weve been having a lot of upset in the small town I live in because someone claimed they had experienced racism. It was like all of the sudden 100's of white people in superman capes jumped out of the woodworks saying "we've established a fair town where there's never been racism". Like how the hell would they know?! No one even inquired as to why this person felt that way or asked them what they experienced. Such fake ass hypocrites. Sorry. I am just such a bitch lately lol

But I shouldn't let it affect my behavior here or anywhere else.

 

[Kellsee]

Don't beat yourself up too much, we all make mistakes and impulsively speak too soon. Especially since this is a forum with an edit button! You can just correct and reword anything you have said that you regret and move on.

Ty for this also. I know what you mean and I appreciate it. But I just try to be very cautious with my words and how I use them. I really care how I affect others. It's super important to me to be accountable about what I've said regardless of where I am. Just apart of my own moral code. I am a little much for a lot of people. I get on my own nerves daily lol

 

[Kellsee]

Interesting way of phrasing it (don't have much experience with the deep south).

Wait, is the deep south the same thing as the dark web, or is that different

Are you being factious? Lmaoooo you are probably thinking about the deep state. The deep south is like down around Louisiana and around there.

I live in east TN. It's not necessarily the deep south but the pack bred mentality is super thick. There's a Baptist church on every corner and people go to church on Sundays and gamble the rest of the week. They all kiss each other's ass and appease each other. Social stratification rules and if you are on the bottom end of it you are fucked. From what I've seen the hypocritical Christians are the ones pushing our youth away from God. Like I've said before Jesus ain't sitting in church. They kept trying to crucify Him. He's out with all the broken people. Self righteousness imo is the most destructive sin because it's so hidden. I think it all comes back to when Pilate asked Jesus "what is the truth". You've got to want the real truth so much that you are willing to accept that everything you thought up until then is a lie...beyond all justifications of your comfort zone. I am not sure that drugs are the worse thing you can get hooked on. I think it's comfort. We are not suppose to get comfortable here.


Ok that's my Ted talk for this week. I'll shut up now lol sorry

 

[Jen X]

Are you being factious? Lmaoooo you are probably thinking about the deep state. The deep south is like down around Louisiana and around there.

I live in east TN. It's not necessarily the deep south but the pack bred mentality is super thick. There's a Baptist church on every corner and people go to church on Sundays and gamble the rest of the week. They all kiss each other's ass and appease each other. Social stratification rules and if you are on the bottom end of it you are fucked. From what I've seen the hypocritical Christians are the ones pushing our youth away from God. Like I've said before Jesus ain't sitting in church. They kept trying to crucify Him. He's out with all the broken people. Self righteousness imo is the most destructive sin because it's so hidden. I think it all comes back to when Pilate asked Jesus "what is the truth". You've got to want the real truth so much that you are willing to accept that everything you thought up until then is a lie...beyond all justifications of your comfort zone. I am not sure that drugs are the worse thing you can get hooked on. I think it's comfort. We are not suppose to get comfortable here.


Ok that's my Ted talk for this week. I'll shut up now lol sorry

Every religion has hypocrites, not just Christians but people jump to bash them but go white knight on anything against Islam or Buddhist.

To the OP I'm a white chick and don't have an issue with black guys. I go for the person. But in all honesty some races just don't attract me( Asian).
Don't bleach your skin to get bush dude

 

[Robi]

depends on the size of the black mans...............BODY! if too big. it might a strong barrier to get to the other black or brown colored persons little........body

 

[Kellsee]

Every religion has hypocrites, not just Christians but people jump to bash them but go white knight on anything against Islam or Buddhist.

To the OP I'm a white chick and don't have an issue with black guys. I go for the person. But in all honesty some races just don't attract me( Asian).
Don't bleach your skin to get bush dude

What's your point?! You just disrespected and disregarded everything that I said with a comment that was totally irrelevant to where I was coming from. Then you completely changed the direction of the focus and changed the subject.

I made a point of making it plain that I was referring to my experience with Christians in my home town. I said what I said and thats exactly what I meant. I am speaking of issues that run a lot deeper than what you are going on about.

 

[wallywogs]

Here's a couple of suggestions
accept that being black is just being a person
take a night school class but to meet women, do it in something you are interested in so as not to be totally disingenuous
do your laundry at a laundry mat
Im 64 and been loyal to the same woman for 32 years but before her I was a dog. Meeting women of quality was never the issue, keeping them because I was a Narcissistic prick was the issue. In the end I ended up with the best, a wife that doesn't take much shit.

 

[arrall]

accept that being black is just being a person

100% agree.

take a night school class but to meet women, do it in something you are interested in so as not to be totally disingenuous

Don't think I'd agree with this one. OP's time would be better spent working on himself (e.g. going to the gym). Taking a class with the primary intention of meeting women is pretty disingenuous regardless of the topic. Women are usually going to night school to learn. If they wanted to get laid/get a romantic partner, they'd go to a bar/download a hookup app/etc. Most women are smart enough to tell whether someone is taking a class to learn or to get in the pants of the women there.

do your laundry at a laundry mat

See above point, do your laundry at a laundromat only if you don't own a washing machine.

Im 64 and been loyal to the same woman for 32 years but before her I was a dog. Meeting women of quality was never the issue, keeping them because I was a Narcissistic prick was the issue. In the end I ended up with the best, a wife that doesn't take much shit.

Glad to hear that you are treating women better now and that you have found the right woman for you.

 

[Michael_25]

It varies from girl to girl. Some girls dig black guys, others don't. Besides, there is nothing you can really do about your skin color so just embrace it and hit on all the honeys you find attractive. Moreover, there are a lot of people who believe in the BBC (big black cock). So some girls may think you're hung like a horse, just like me.

 

[arrall]

EDIT: user deleted message

You should be more respectful to other members and avoid namecalling and belittling, particularly on the more sensitive parts of Bluelight such as SLR. Please edit your post to respect the above Bluelight/SLR policies.

Also, flaking on your dates is not something to be bragging about.

 

[MassAveMayor]

You should be more respectful to other members and avoid namecalling and belittling, particularly on the more sensitive parts of Bluelight such as SLR. Please edit your post to respect the above Bluelight/SLR policies.

Also, flaking on your dates is not something to be bragging about.

It’s all in good fun, also maybe flaking is my fetish

 

[arrall]

It’s all in good fun, also maybe flaking is my fetish

Your date still has to consent to the fetish.

 

[MassAveMayor]

Your date still has to consent to the fetish.

Damn you got me there, but in fairness my first post which I deleted since I RE read it and think I was a little too heated, I did say consent Is the fun part lol

 

[arrall]

Damn you got me there, but in fairness my first post which I deleted since I RE read it and think I was a little too heated, I did say consent Is the fun part lol

Thank you for taking it down. Also, just saw that you joined recently. You should go make a thread to introduce yourself in New Member Introductions!