Invited Friend to Party, verge of flaking now wants to come... Help!

[alasdairm]

Anyway any solid advice very much appreciated.

sure, rollsolo. i have two thoughts:

1. stop playing games

2. call (don't text) her and tell her what you want.

alasdair

 

[rollsolo]

She sounds a little too busy to be into a relationship. I'd say either be blunt and say,' lets got out for a date' or ask her if she wants a relationship now? Games can be long and annoying.

I don't think she's busy these days, at least by the looks of her social standings on Instagram and FB. Not that I keep tabs on it but she always rants on about she feels like she's done this and that. My take on it is once you feel like you've done it all your the furthest away.

sure, rollsolo. i have two thoughts:

1. stop playing games

2. call (don't text) her and tell her what you want.

alasdair

Sure this may be the best thing to do actually... However, I wonder if this will push me further behind in terms of framing. I'm not a PUA at all but have been checking out this dude named Corey Wayne. He suggest that when chicks blow you off to cut them off and wait for them to contact you. While much of his advice can be helpful for many it's really all circumstantial. In my case maybe I'll drop her a link sometime this evening.

 

[queenbee1127]

OP, where are you from? You mentioned the recent holiday, so I'm assuming the US, but I'm unfamiliar with some of your slang terms.

On topic, you need to let it die with this girl. This behavior is what I do with guys I have no intention of going out with, if I don't (very rarely) have the balls to straight up tell them I'm uninterested (usually when it's a friend, like your situation). The endless back and forth on this topic, only for her to consistently bail is pretty telling. She's 41, sounds like she's 16. She needs to grow up. She likes the attention which is why she texts you (trust me, I am guilty of this myself) but all she wants is her phone to go off. If she wanted to hang out in person, she would have by now.

Not trying to be harsh but after months of these head games and constant over analyzing, you deserve to move on.

 

[alasdairm]

I don't think she's busy these days, at least by the looks of her social standings on Instagram and FB. Not that I keep tabs on it but she always rants on about she feels like she's done this and that. My take on it is once you feel like you've done it all your the furthest away.



Sure this may be the best thing to do actually... However, I wonder if this will push me further behind in terms of framing. I'm not a PUA at all but have been checking out this dude named Corey Wayne. He suggest that when chicks blow you off to cut them off and wait for them to contact you. While much of his advice can be helpful for many it's really all circumstantial. In my case maybe I'll drop her a link sometime this evening.

third time:

1. stop playing games

2. call (don't text) her and tell her what you want.

alasdair

 

[Irishboston]

She's 41? Wow guy waaaaaay too many games

 

[sailor bugg]

Jesus do you like have some sort of social handicap? Who in their right mind goes about trying to get with a woman like this? Wooooooow.

 

[rollsolo]

Jesus do you like have some sort of social handicap? Who in their right mind goes about trying to get with a woman like this? Wooooooow.

It's a two way street... We were friends for a bit. In fact before I started having these sudden feelings. She was always attractive but I never saw her in this way and that's probably because I had a girlfriend at the time. I mean letting it die isn't the best thing to do as she and I both assume we're just friends. I can still try and hangout with her only this time flip the script. I don't think I'm playing games I'm just reciprocating what I'm given and sometimes calling isn't convenient. I thinking of shooting her a like later today to see what the week looks like and shoot the s#!t.

 

[queenbee1127]

None of the text conversations you posted sound like "shooting the shit"...they're painfully awkward to read, actually. If you won't take our advice and stop playing games, even if it's just reciprocating what you're given, then....idk, good luck being miserable.

 

[rollsolo]

Brief Update:


Ended up calling her before I left the studio here... She answered and we chatted for a quick bit. Just pretty much shot this shit. I jokingly said so I take it you didn't get a bike yet? She said nooooo.... I said well we can just grab a pair of chain cutters and choose something locked to a pole in the city. She then started laughing. I said we should get together and asked what her schedule looked like. She then asked me if I wanted to go ice skating lol. As funny as that sounded when she excitedly asked me I couldn't turn it down. She then asked when I was free next week I said perhaps Wednesday we can make that happen. She then said ok and she would send me the logistics and will get together. I said awesome sounds good... then said hey I gotta clean up here before I leave so I'll catch up with you another time. We said good bye and hung up.


She seemed pretty lively on the phone and interested to talk so that was cool. I kept it pretty chill on the phone. No guarantees but I wouldn't be surprised if she flaked again this time. If so lame but I guess that's just the way it is. I guess from here on out I just wait for her to contact me again with the logistics and I'll go from there in terms of meeting up with her next week sometime.

 

[alasdairm]

She seemed pretty lively on the phone and interested to talk so that was cool. I kept it pretty chill on the phone. No guarantees but I wouldn't be surprised if she flaked again this time. If so lame but I guess that's just the way it is. I guess from here on out I just wait for her to contact me again with the logistics and I'll go from there in terms of meeting up with her next week sometime.

ok, maybe that's a little harsh but if you spent half as much time getting this girl as you do talking about her on here, you'd have your hands too full to care about bluelight.

it's go time dude. as otw said: "Man up and ask her out or move on."

alasdair

 

[rollsolo]

ok, maybe that's a little harsh but if you spent half as much time getting this girl as you do talking about her on here, you'd have your hands too full to care about bluelight.

it's go time dude. as otw said: "Man up and ask her out or move on."

alasdair

Funny... well she beat me to it before I was able to actually even ask her. So in that respect I can go meet up with her if I ever get the logistics and then go from there. I called her and do not plan on calling back at this point if she doesn't reach out at all in regards to next week then I think I won't be calling or texting her to make plans to hangout at all again.

 

[rollsolo]

She ended up getting back to me this morning with the logistics. Here was the text exchange:

Her: (Image) Here's the info to the rink (address, 10am-11pm).
Today at 8:32 AM

Me: Hey there! So this is where we're skating?
Today at 10:20 AM

Her: They have the best caramel apples...

Today at 11:03 AM

Me: Oh yeah nice. Let's get that going... How about next Wednesday, that work for you?
Today at 12:07 PM

Her: Sounds great around 6...ish?
Today at 12:13 PM

Me: That works
Today at 12:25 PM

Me: So i'll see you Wednesday around 6pm.
Today at 12:36 PM

Her: Ok...
Today at 12:43 PM

At this point I'll call her say Monday or Tuesday evening to meet me at X location which will more than likely be a spot to get a quick bite. I was then thinking of just skipping out on the rink last minute and figure out somewhere else to go. I also think the skate session can be a good opportunity to get some kino going. I also thought about bailing out.​

 

[rollsolo]

Update

Her: (emoticons of a tree)
Today at 12:07 PM

Me: Is this the text version of the Rockefeller tree? If so, bad move.
Today at 12:44 PM

Her:

Today at 12:45 PM

Her: It was a tree for you!
Today at 12:53 PM

Me: I can't accept that. I don't smoke tree's ;-)
Today at 1:02 PM

Me: No hard feelings.... but look I have a proposition for you. Are you willing to accept?
Today at 1:25 PM

Her: That depends...wink wink
Today at 1:26 PM

Me: If you can put that tree on a bake sheet and turn them into ginger snaps, we have a deal. What do you say?
Today at 1:29 PM

Her: I would love to! Don't have a kitchen...only on weekends...What should I do? I'll have to buy them
Today at 1:31 PM

Me: Well then we'll have to discuss this further Wednesday.
Today at 1:37 PM

Her: Ok

Today at 1:58

Was going to keep it going but I had other things I had to do and left it there. Seems like she was going on an ego trip with these afternoon messages. Unless at this point she's down for whatever. I was going to be like "We'll go to my place afterwards. Just bring the ingredients. We'll look at the dolphins out the window as it's cooking" lol. But in reality I would just want up to a hotel and just get a room instead. Any thought's on these text exchanges? Not looking for a decode but I thought I kept it pretty solid during this. I didn't tell her where to meet me yet but probably will later tonight or tomorrow.

 

[queenbee1127]

$100 says she blows you off by Wednesday.

Give up on this girl already.

These text exchanges are boring and give no insight what so ever to what she is thinking.

 

[anniegram]

This is the stupidest crap I've ever read. "I have a proposition for you wink wink gingers naps gee golly sounds good!"
Seriously, stfu with this nonsense. This has gone on long enough. Figure it out like an adult. Nobody here is going to have more insight to this situation than you. Man up for fucks sake.

 

[sailor bugg]

this is the stupidest crap i've ever read. "i have a proposition for you wink wink gingers naps gee golly sounds good!"
seriously, stfu with this nonsense. This has gone on long enough. Figure it out like an adult. Nobody here is going to have more insight to this situation than you. Man up for fucks sake.

qft

 

[rollsolo]

Man you guys are harsh... Well the ginger snaps was an inside joke because she said she was going to do it a while back. Ha, if she does blow me off whatever. In fact, I'm sorta tied up that evening and would have to push back meeting her to a later time anyway, which I haven't told her yet. If she decides to flake again no hard feelings on my end. She reached back to me anyway and yeah I'm done playing the games. What do you mean by man up @AnnieGram? I don't see anything wrong with this text exchange. If we do meet up then all is well and I'll just go from there. In terms of the text not giving insight on what she is thinking I agree with you on that @queenbee1127 as I felt the same way.

 

[Journyman16]

I'm in a marriage with a much younger woman so I have the older persepctive. If she was interested she'd be letting you know in no uncertain terms. Near as I can tell the ONLY reason she might be interested and NOT telling you is because she doesn't think you are interested sexually.

Stop giving her time to have 2nd thoughts about going out with someone so young and make a date for 'tomorrow' or at most 2 days away. Turn up with a bottle of wine and take her to dinner. Your convos read like 2 15yo's being all cutesy about dating. You're 30 for gods sake, act like it. Worst that can happen is she'll say 'No' and you can stop obsessing.

 

[rollsolo]

I'm in a marriage with a much younger woman so I have the older persepctive. If she was interested she'd be letting you know in no uncertain terms. Near as I can tell the ONLY reason she might be interested and NOT telling you is because she doesn't think you are interested sexually.

Stop giving her time to have 2nd thoughts about going out with someone so young and make a date for 'tomorrow' or at most 2 days away. Turn up with a bottle of wine and take her to dinner. Your convos read like 2 15yo's being all cutesy about dating. You're 30 for gods sake, act like it. Worst that can happen is she'll say 'No' and you can stop obsessing.

Thanks @Journyman16. We already have a date going this Wednesday at around 6 pm. Tomorrow I'll tell her to meet me at 6:30 at a place to eat. I'll be running behind as I'll be coming out of a meeting but I'll tell her to grab a table and just show up. Should go smooth and in terms of my actions I'll be displaying that I want her sexually at this point and move forward with my tactics. If I get turned down so be it, at least I know I tried. I rather live with that rather than walking away and thinking about how I could of or should have done. Just trying to be positive about the whole thing. In the words of Corey Wayne, Have fun, hook up and create an opportunity for sex to happen lol.

 

[Journyman16]

When people are dying, ALL their regrets are about things they might have done and didn't. When you do wrong things or stupid things the regrets come quickly then go, but the ones that linger are over NOT doing stuff.

Good luck.