Introduce Yourself

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I just typed out several long paragraphs as my real introduction to BL. I deleted because I'm afraid to be honest with people about how I feel.

Basically, the introduction I gave in my first post isn't how I really am. Just trying to appear as though everything's fine when it is anything but. I'll prob spend some time in the DS on BL so I can't pretend I'm ok. I belong here more than anywhere else on the forum.

So, hello again, from another person with a screwed up head. It's impossible to single out any drug as a factor in my psychosis (which is what I think happened to me).

trll I am very sorry to hear of your loss and I hope you can find some strength to cope.
 
Jannerfish-I can relate. I'm afraid to be honest with others, Im afraid to be honest with myself. I am on the path to change, I know it! I feel it! I have to do this, failure is not an option. But the journey there, its so up and down, my mindset so fragile, from minute to minute, ever changing. That part is frustrating. I want to give up. But I'm going to make it. You will too.

Trll-sending peace and hugs your way-words cannot even begin to describe what you are going through, and I won't pretend, but Im reaching out to say, you are strong enough to face this, you are strong enough to find yourself again.
 
Hi jannerfish, welcome to TDS <3
I too have spent my entire life pretending to the people around me that everything's okay when it's not. It's always so much easier when asked "How are you" to just say "Good thanks" instead of "Well actually I feel like shit" .....*awkward silence*

But in recent years, with the help of this place, I have learned to actually tell people when I'm NOT okay, and it really helps. I hope you can learn to do the same, because I believe it's always better to talk about how you're feeling than to keep it bottled up inside.

I look forward to hearing/reading more from you :)
 
First generation Junkie

I am a Londoner in my mid 60s, now living in Colchester, Essex. I started taking drugs at 13, pep pills(purple hearts) and weed mostly. Spent most of my youth in and out of young offenders institutions like borstalls and detention centres etc. By 15 I was introduced to Heroin and by the time I was 20 I was well hooked and couldn't go a day without it. For more years than I care to remember, I tried so many times to quit. On several occasions I succeded but always went back to it. Heroin is not so much a drug as a way of life. Your whole life revolves around the 'gear', one way or another. When I first started thier wasn't many of us 'junkies' about, and all the 'H' I saw came in the form of little white pills and was 'scored' at midnight from the queue of long haired 'Beatnicks' outside, 'Boots Chemist' on Piccadilly Circus in London West End. Thier must have been others but that was the one known to me, and I believe most Londoners. That was in the days when the Krays ruled the roost in London and we were all very much aware of the guidelines. In fact drugs in general and especially Heroin, was totally frowned upon. It was up there with grassing and noncing(child molesting).
BUT then in the latter part of the 60s the home office stopped the nhs supplying heroin to addicts creating the 'black market' which has built into what we see today. With it comes crime, never heard of before on this scale and as we all know it finances terrorism. 90% now comes from Afganistan where so many British and US soldiers have been killed. It's a viscious circle where the only winners are gangsters and terrorists.
The crazy thing is though, any inteligent adult knows that the goverments could stop it dead in a single stroke. But no one will make the first move and be seen by the rest of the world as the first ones to legalise class A addictive drugs. If the goverment took control and prescribed 'H', the addict wouldn't need to steal to support his habit and the dealers would go out of business. I predicted all this in the late 60s or early 70s when I saw the first street heroin coming in from Turkey and the golden triangle(Laos, Burma and Thailand). I predicted crime would go through the roof and I was told that I was talking out of my arse.
I will always be an addict to the day I kick the proverbial bucket. But I will say, that I have managed to stabalise my life for the past 10 years or so because I have a maintenence methadone prescription. I have got my life back on track and I am very proud of that. It took me a long time and if I was still messing around with reduction programs, I would be using on top and would loose my script'. And that only leads to criminality.
It's a shame, the powers that be, haven't got the balls to tackle this plague without worrying about how popular they would be with the rest of the world. Every junkie has to steal on average at least £500 worth of goods a day to sell for a third its value just to stop from being sick. Imagine how much that puts on our insurance alone. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to work it out. These days junkies come from every walk of life, from the inner city council estates to the quaint little country side hamlets. I know this for a fact.
 
Hi django,

Welcome to TDS! Its always nice to have experienced folks joining us!

This post would actually be more suited as a Blog entry. Every member of BL has access to create their own Blog (which is a type of journal). Reading your post makes me recall a very interesting Blog from one of our members describing the history of the heroin trade in his native country. You two seem like you would be able to toss a few interesting tales back and forth (I would definitely be interested in reading more!)

or,

it would make an EXCELLENT post in the TDS Introduce Yourself thread. (actually, if you don't mind, I'll move it there now)

Posts in TDS typically focus on solving a problem, relieving one of a burden, or generally supporting an individual who may not be doing so well in general. We do have quite a few lighthearted/social threads as well so don't be shy about jumping in!

Again, welcome to TDS!
 
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me

I'm K. I'm a newcomer and this is my first post, although I've been reading threads here for a few months now as an observer. I'm 22 years old and have been doing drugs of all kinds pretty regulary for about ten years. Last year I was introduced to the wonderful H and it was over from there.

I've been trying to get clean for six months now, went to rehab back in April, relapsed and started on Bupe MT. I basically used those as a crutch when I was short on funds then stopped taking them altogether. My daily habit nearly tripled towards the end of summer/into fall and I went back to rehab at the beginning of November and was there for a week and a half. I relapsed once again shortly after getting out. This past week or so I've actually been taking my Subutex as prescribed and so I now have about five days clean. No great feat, I know, but it's a start. And that's why I'm here.
 
Welcome to TDS, K :)

Sadly, many of us don't get clean on the first try. Its a process (and a difficult one at that). Don't kid yourself, man... 5 days is a HUGE accomplishment and something you should be proud of!

You'll find a lot of knowledgeable and experienced folks folks here in The Dark Side with very similar stories that you can always ask questions of. We tend to be a caring lot here so please don't hesitate in posting any questions that you may have.

Hope to see more of you!
 
Hi Django,

If you ever get the time, I'd love to read about your experiences with gear in the UK in the late 60s. Maybe start a blog here on BL.

That period fascinates me and the only book I've seen out there that discusses the dope side of the hippie 60s was written by a guy who came from a fairly posh background. British Upper Middle Class and that. Which is fine. None of us chooses the circumstances of our birth. But I'd love to hear more from a different perspective.

Anyway, welcome to BL! We're glad to have you.

— artax
 
Hi everyone. Name's Sipx. Been lurking for quite awhile. Decided to say hello.
 
303Thizz present. I have lurked TDS for a while and now I am ready to make a post and see how the internet judges my culpability in my current dilemma.
 
Hi everyone. Name's Sipx. Been lurking for quite awhile. Decided to say hello.

Well 'Hello!' back! =D

Since you have been lurking, I'm certain you are already familiar with many of the amazing folks here in TDS.

I look forward to your contributions!
 
303Thizz present. I have lurked TDS for a while and now I am ready to make a post and see how the internet judges my culpability in my current dilemma.

Welcome 303Thizz! its funny... ever since I joined I felt at home here in TDS and never really categorized BL amongst other sites.

I hope you find the same warmth, compassion and comaraderie that I have found here in TDS.
 
My name is Suzy. As you can see I am still a greenlighter despite my joining date. Because I'm Aussie I went to the regional forum and wasn't too impressed. Tried a post here and there but for some reason it didn't catch on.
Fast forward to recently, and a dear meth-head friend from LA emails me an invite to Bluelight knowing I've been here before and why I haven't come back. She recommends The Dark Side forum. She knows me better than I realised, because since I came back to BL a few days ago the majority of my new postings have been on this forum.
I hope all the lovely things I have read on this thread such as The Dark Side being like a supportive family are true. That's what I crave and need more than anything else, more even than drugs (except when I'm physically withdrawing/hanging out). It's no fun being an isolated drug addict. Anyway, so far it certainly seems that way.

And so ... nice to meet you.
 
Welcome OJ! <3

Its always nice seeing folks of like mind in TDS! There are some extremely knowledgeable, kind and caring people to be found here.

I hope you stay a while! I dig getting to know folks better!
 
My name is Suzy. As you can see I am still a greenlighter despite my joining date. Because I'm Aussie I went to the regional forum and wasn't too impressed. Tried a post here and there but for some reason it didn't catch on.
Fast forward to recently, and a dear meth-head friend from LA emails me an invite to Bluelight knowing I've been here before and why I haven't come back. She recommends The Dark Side forum. She knows me better than I realised, because since I came back to BL a few days ago the majority of my new postings have been on this forum.
I hope all the lovely things I have read on this thread such as The Dark Side being like a supportive family are true. That's what I crave and need more than anything else, more even than drugs (except when I'm physically withdrawing/hanging out). It's no fun being an isolated drug addict. Anyway, so far it certainly seems that way.

And so ... nice to meet you.

Hello darlin, TJ here I'm a yank and a junkie too, although this time around more like a habit, as after trial and error 27 years.....for now the last 2 yrs have managed to keep a balance of full time job and a habit. The habit keeps me working but not going out to Mars or lost in space for 20 yrs Tweaker Standard Time---cause I have to go to work or live on the streets. So welcome and uh, tell that meth head fiend I mean friend of yours to try the blogs on here out. U 2 should start one. It's a cool deal, Lucielle. Gotta jam for work. Peace out.
 
Hi, I like the name so I thought I'd check it out. I got strung out on H in New York City in the late '70s and then got on MMT in the mid '80s. Life has been a bowl of cherries since. Talk to you later.
 
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