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Introduce Yourself

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Dam, alot of young ppl on here. I'm a 47 tear old heroin addict. On methedone 6 years now. Go to clinic evertday. Well, except I get 3 "take homes" now. But my story is like many others. lost alot. houses, cars blablabla. But my worst was my wife. 18yrs married. She od'ed 4yrs ago. We seperated before that because I was not gonna watch her die. She od'ed many times. Anyway, now I do have a new baby. 2 monthes old the other day. Not all is good though. He was born 3 months premature. PVL its called. He will be under our care forever. Hes so beutiful! He did not ask for none of this. Me and his mom are seperated right now. She messed up and used benzo's and drank while pregnant. She is clean again now. but damage done. I do love her, and she me. Its vary complicated, we're a 1000miles apart. baby can't travel. to much drama for me to be there.Our baby needs us. She knows her mastake. Its sad , its wrong. Its not fair. But baby still needs us. She did not see pregnacy as real. Now he;'s here. she has dedicated herself to him.I don't really know what to do? Thats my story in short. vary short
 
Hey Mush, Im a 36 heroin addict myself, Ive learned soooo much from ppl that have less using time under their belt, yet were wise WELL beyond their years, that's what so fucked up bout this drug, it doesnt discriminate, and my habit multiplied in a cpl of months. Its been two motherfucking months, and I STLL crave the shit
 
fleabag73 said:
Hey Mush, Im a 36 heroin addict myself, Ive learned soooo much from ppl that have less using time under their belt, yet were wise WELL beyond their years, that's what so fucked up bout this drug, it doesnt discriminate, and my habit multiplied in a cpl of months. Its been two motherfucking months, and I STLL crave the shit
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Oh yah, kids got messed this genaratoin. my g/f is 25, has been danc'in for a few years. money was never a problem , which was bad news. Buy'in 1/4lbs of heroin at a time. Sick shit. Full cooker shots speedballs alot of times. I love the shit. I mean a hard core speedball is my (almost) favorite thing on earth. I have come to grips, that there are ppl who mean more to me now. We have lost so many close ppl. And they are forgoten so quickly. I want to start a in memory thread
 
hey, i'm alexia. i should have done this ages ago. i've come here on and off for years, mostly when i've been trying to get off various drugs/stay cleans, benzo's,pot, ice, speed, e, booze... same as a lot of other people i think... i tend to hang around the darkside when things have been bad and i'm trying to stop myself from either going back to it cos things are just so shit, or when i'm just struggling to hold on, as melodramatic as that sounds.. so it's good for me to come to a place where i can read about other people's stuff and 'get out of my head' if that makes sense, and see that even when people are going through all they are going through they are still reaching out and helping others. i've had a lot of problems with mental health (depression, ye ol suicide crap, panic disorder and social anxiety with intermitted periods of mania) and i don't hang out with a lot of people anymore in real life, so, coming here is nice..

oh. i forgot, i used to post here a long time ago as crazygrl, but couldn't access that account cos i don't have the email address anymore and didn't know my password (i'm not sure if i signed up in 2002 or 2004), so yeah crazygrl & alexia- one and the same
 
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What's up, TDS? I'm JDot, and I reside in Ohio. Born & raised, actually. I'm 23, and uhm.. Music and art are my life. I don't really know what to put here, lol..
 
hi

hi to all my name is uri ive bin reading here for like 2 years i finally figured out how to post here :) all i can say is i love this site and its helped me so much i am 23 and hav had a heroin adiction 4 5 years n i got almost 3 weeks sober all on my own with ur guys help :)
 
Welcome to TDS, bruh. I'm sure you'll enjoy your time here. If you've got any questions about anything... Don't hesitate to ask.
 
hello TDS

TDS has helped me in the few days ive been a member because its such a wonderful place where people can reach out to each other and i hope i can become a common poster in the forum :)
you all seem so lovely

ive also been down some very dark paths in my short life (im 18) and id like to reach out to anyone who feels down and offer what i have to them in the way of support :)

peace&love
 
this is the kinda poster i like!

takerefuge said:
TDS has helped me in the few days ive been a member because its such a wonderful place where people can reach out to each other and i hope i can become a common poster in the forum :)


ive also been down some very dark paths in my short life (im 18 ) and id like to reach out to anyone who feels down and offer what i have to them in the way of support :)
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in which case i think most ppl here will hope u can become a common poster in the forum too
i know for one i will

just like u ive bn down some v dark paths in my life (tho im 7yrs older than u....not that that really means much) and like u instead of hiding under a rock i prefer to give towards other ppl who r feeling down as well/support them any way i can
my philosophy is if it gets my mind off my own problems and helps others at the same time, then why the fuck not????

glad 2 meet someone who feels the same

welcome, and like i say, im sure ull fit in! <3
 
Let me introduce myself~~

For now just lurking/reading a lot. I'm an active speeder and not really sure if I want to stop. But thats just my mood right now, it could change any second.
 
Hello :)

I've been posting in TDS since I joined BL but never checked in here...

So let's see... I'm a 20 year old opiate addict from North Carolina (middle of nowhere), although I will abuse any drug I can get my hands on....

I love TDS - the posters are friendly and helpful, and it's a safe place to get/give support or just vent.

Not to mention, TDS helped me meet my boyfriend. <3 And a combination of said boyfriend and BL helped me make the decision to get on Suboxone - and so far, it seems to be the best thing I've done for myself. :)

If anyone ever needs to talk, feel free to PM me. <3
 
Phew

Hey all

New to posting on TDS. Need to find somewhere to talk or I'm going to implode. Been around bluelight for a long time but only recently joined.

Been an all around garbage head and using opiates since I was 14 years old, mostly pills...until I was 20 at which point I found and fell in Love with the needle. After two years of hell, homelessness, near death experiences and losing everything I ended up in a therapeutic community and after four1/2 years clean (three of those working as a counselor) I left to return to my hometown NYC.

I began drinking pretty soon after...and then smoking but still maintained a responsible lifestyle; working and paying bills. I moved around the country patching up the holes I had torn from my life being a junkie. Got my college degree and after years of school and travel returned to Brooklyn where I began working in EMS, first as an EMT and then as a paramedic. I Loved my job and was good at it. These were the BEST six years of my LIFE.

Then I injured my back.

After 10 months out of work and taking medication (low grade opi's: 7.5 mg vicoprofins) to function i.e. be able to get off the floor I began to develop a small habit. I was then prescribed 15mg oxycodones 4 times daily by the back MD. Looking at that bottle of pills I shit myself. That was more high grade pharm dope than I had ever held in my hand at once, but this all stopped when I got a second epidural that actually worked. I quit the pills, went back to the gym, and in 1 1/2 months I was back at work HAPPY again to be doing what I Loved and helping people.

Then after about 5 months of little to no pain my back got bad again. I returned to the pills and struggled to maintain at work. Working back to back 16 hour shifts in a high volume 911 system with a screaming back and throbbing leg(s) was not fun BUT I was still able to work and that was what mattered. I still carried the 300 lb whale pigs down four flights of stairs with the lifepack 12 moniter and drug bag on my shoulders, still buffed (jumped on/volunteered for) jobs with my partner like an animal. I Loved my job. That was enough.

Then my back got worse still.

I had to go out work comp again and was placed into pain management after another failed four epidurals that did nothing. A subsequent discogram revealed that at two levels my discs were completely shredded. SEVERE degenerative disc disease with multiple full thickness tears throughout both discs along with severe stenosis. The MD just said "Im so sorry" and told me that I couldn't ever lift anything over 10 pounds and that I would be in constant pain for the rest of my life. I had to resign from my job and have subsequently moved to another state.

I have really struggled with my medication. I am now taking 120mg ER morphine and 30mg oxycodone pills 5 times daily to manage the pain. Without these meds I am in constant, unceasing pain. When I run out early (and I ALWAYS do) I use kratom and high dose lope to manage the pain and withdrawals but it is barely enough to keep from my loved ones what is really going on. I have snorted, shot, plugged and eaten these pills in abundance trying to get a rush to the tune of 450mg of oxy a day plus the morphine. I feel pathetic. I am miserable. I miss my job and friends so much it makes me want to die, but I'm too stubborn to quit (thankgod).

I am really scared.

I spent so much time trying to clean up and get myself straight- and I did it- only to now be in this fucked up situation with no option other than surgery that most likely wont work and will make the rest of my back collapse over the next decade (2 level anterobody fusion).

Anyway, that's it. Need a place to talk. I'm losing my mind and am having alot of trouble adjusting to the fact that I am now permanently disabled. I really appreciate the big ear. Ill see you guys around the forums. Peace.
 
hello

so im new. and i just wanted to say hello to everyone =] My mom is addicted to crack. I just need help dealing with thaty and possibly learn more about her addiction
 
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