Hi, I'm Xorkoth.
I started using drugs when I was 17, with marijuana. I had some of the best times of my life my senior year of high school and the summer after, like a second childhood. I tried DXM (in Coricidin

) when I turned 18, and did it 10 times over that summer. That was the beginning of my mental instability.
I had a blast in college. I moved on the mushrooms, MDMA, and a spattering of other things. I got into d-amphetamine for a while. Tried coke here and there. Tried some opiates. Then I tried kratom, and ever since I've been in and out of physical and/or mental addiction. Currently I think I've conquered my physical addiction because I've been saving it for the weekends and sometimes once during the week.
Anyway, I started to get very depressed, gradually, in my junior year (20 years old). By the time I was graduating, at 21, I was an absolute mess. It was a combination of doing too many drugs (which was in large part due to aftereffects of Coricidin), growing up too fast, and knowing I would be moving away across the country with only my girlfriend, leaving all my friends and family behind. It was also in large part because I felt like I had lost my creativity and passion. My mind was a stagnant pool of laziness.
I got to where I live now and I began feeling better, more grown-up, more responsible, but I was still full of anxiety and depression. It began to get debilitating and I rarely found enjoyment in anything. I also had abandoned my old spirituality (christianity), but felt empty with nothing, believing the universe to be pointless and nothing existing after death.
I then found a place to get some unresearched psychedelic chemicals, after much searching. I received 2C-T-2 and used it 3 times within a month. After the first time I discovered that it was extremely useful for self-reflection and introspection. With those 3 trips, I broke myself dramatically out of the rut I was in! I was ecstatic and joyful again because I was able to see the way that my various aspects of my ego interact with each other, and where the pointless mental anxiety and depression loops are located. In other words, I faced my hidden demons and rationalized them away by viewing my mind displaying itself in intricate closed-imagery and a unique way of thinking.
I then began taking a nootropic regimen, which helped my mind to speed up so signifcantly, and I regained my creativity and passion for life. I continued to experiment with a large array of psychedelic chemicals. Over time, along with lots of sober reflection and discussion and reading of others' works, I came to a tremendously solid understanding of my spirituality and the way we are all connected and part of something too beautiful and tremendous to ever be able to fully grasp with our human brains. I discovered that to live a happy life, all you need is love. Cliche, yes. But only because it's true. If you output love and positivity into the universe, at everything you encounter, the universe will send it back and you'll always be able to come out of any situation in the best position possible. Also, by filling yourself with positivity, you have no room for negativity, and thus, you'll stay positive!
Which brings us to now. Within the last year, everything in my life has fallen into place in a series of bizarre coincidences and events. I love my life and everything in it, and I'm here in TDS and indeed on Bluelight in general to try to share that with you all, to try to spread some of it around.
So here you go!