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Introduce Yourself! v.2.0

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^^welcome. my old sponsor is a deadhead in recovery. his plates on his vw bus says "whrfrat" if you're in the Indianapolis area there's an NA event going in called rats na drain ditch which he's going to. should be a good time with a bunch of like minded individuals. but welcome :)
 
im triggering myself right now, thinking about my pain.
But since im here,
im alcoholic
im a pill junkie
I need help
.................................ill be okay one day and take care of myself.<3
 
wharf_rat and gr33n3y3z, welcome to both of you <3

gr33n3y3z said:
.................................ill be okay one day and take care of myself<3
Click to expand...

This is true; you will be okay. One of my best friends in recovery named Elizabeth always used to sit me down when I was stressing about not being able to stomach sobriety and tell me to "...breathe... It's okay, because you're."

Still calms me to this day; she was, and remains, correct...
 
Hi, Litetalk here. I just found this group, because I searched about taking Methadone & Roxy's for chronic pain. been doing this for almost 2 years after, taking myself off Fentanyl several months before, after being on them w/ Roxy for 13 years. I stopped the Fentanyl, after waking up during a Stomach Biopsy. Tolerance way to high. still is, for surgery. I have Asthma, C.O.P,D. I an in serious life threatening shape here. I have a perforated Hernia for 6 years now, Abdominal Tumor, Chronic Spinal condition's, unable to walk any longer, oh yeah, I am also sober from Alcohol since 2004. I also have Colon Cancer, not being treated at all. Hope evryone is having a good weekend!!! Peace & Blessings...Miss. Litetalk
 
Hi litetalk :) you've come to the right place <3 we have a lot of areas of support to offer so have a look around. If you have any questions feel free to ask <3.
 
Hey dark side. I'm struggling with drinking which patterns out to other legal drugs like kratom and ethylphenidate. Can't see eth being legal long, but drink should be banned before Kratom. Anyway, I guess I was looking for the old mephedrone experience. Been trying mixers with the eth. 5-MAPB & 5-APB on two seperate occasions. This time, the 5-APB has really psyched me out so I'm mega paranoid at the moment. Had 1/3 to 1/2 a gram eth and maybe 30mg 5-APB. Over last 12 hours. Would probably be ok socially but I don't get out much what with the drinking handicap! Shit. Really need to sort my life out. Lots of people nearby need me - at least, they need the real me. Not this unusual monster poring over every letter on the keyboard! Not as bad as a smack habit, but harder to identify in some ways - I reckon. :? Any advice much appreciated. Will also try to share some wisdom while here. ;) Love.
 
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Hello there, I am Yllear. I've been lurking these forums for a while and finally registered here. I struggle with a lot. It's all in my head. And it really hasn't ever gotten better. Nice to meet all of you.
 
Nice to meet you! I just said as much in the Suicide thread. I'm glad you made an account. I hope that TDS is a place that you can come for support and friendship.
 
Yllear said:
Hello there, I am Yllear. I've been lurking these forums for a while and finally registered here. I struggle with a lot. It's all in my head. And it really hasn't ever gotten better. Nice to meet all of you.
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Welcome, Yllear!
Consider letting some, if not all, of it out of your head in here sometime... We humans were not designed to be tea kettles with our lids soldered shut... I know I wasn't, at least ;)
 
Welcome to all new members!
Some of you perhaps do not remember me, but I used to post here quite often, my life has completely changed since, so perhaps I can help some folks out? :)
 
hey im lisa, 18
stoner, alcoholic, diagnosed with depression, ptsd and anxiety
i have been living in an abuse home my whole life and the effects of domestic violence have finally caught up to me. i have watched my mother being beaten up by her boyfriend far to many times and the only way i can seem to deal with it is drugs. i first started smoking bud when i was 14 and now cant go a day without it.
my goal for this year is to save up enough money and move out of this fucked up environment i am exposed to everyday, quit smoking and somehow with a miracle get my life back on track.
 
Hi Lisa,

Welcome to Bluelight :)

I have been in your exact position before, feeling lost and hopeless with nowhere to turn. I'm glad to hear that you have something to aim for in the future. You may feel that drugs are your only option right now, but I can assure you that's not the case. Everyone has it in themselves to establish a stable and happy life, even if it takes a while.

I hope we'll see more posts from you on here :)
 
Welcome to the dark side lisa, we all are here because we care about one another and let people express themselves what ever which way they need to. I've learned after years of lurking how awesome it is to be able to share something personal and then see that hundreds of people have read what I've shared and some have even offered encouragement or suggestions. Lisa use BL and especially TDS as a place where you can express yourself without being judged as there is always someone who can relate to what you are going through. I hope you stick around, and there is hope for you! Never forget that!
 
grey.ome said:
hey im lisa, 18
stoner, alcoholic, diagnosed with depression, ptsd and anxiety
i have been living in an abuse home my whole life and the effects of domestic violence have finally caught up to me. i have watched my mother being beaten up by her boyfriend far to many times and the only way i can seem to deal with it is drugs. i first started smoking bud when i was 14 and now cant go a day without it.
my goal for this year is to save up enough money and move out of this fucked up environment i am exposed to everyday, quit smoking and somehow with a miracle get my life back on track.
Click to expand...

Hey Lisa,

I'm glad you have found TDS, and I look forward to being able to speak with you some more. Many of us on Bluelight have come from similar situations, so I am sure you will be able to find the support and advice you are looking for. Really nice to meet you.
 
Hey All,

I've been drinking for the last 10 years and I'm at the point where I'm totally sick of it, both mentaly and physically. I can count on my fingers the times when I haven't been drunk during the weekend in the last year. Drinking stopped being even remotely fun a long long time ago, but I still can't break this terrible habit. I've lied to my friends and relatives. Hid bottles in my house. Could barely remember what I was doing during three days, except that I was walking around in stupor, doing nothing. I'm ashamed of myself in front of my kids (is daddy going to sleep on the couch again?) and myself. There has to be a way out, but I feel that I just won't make it on my own.

Hopefully there are good things ahead for all of us. It's worth trying.
 
I'm glad you're here Cacodemon. <3 It sounds like you've been through a lot and are really ready to quit. You should check out the Alcoholism Discussion Thread and think about posting your story in there. I think you could get a lot of advice and support from fellow Bluelighters who are either going through similar situations currently or have been where you are before. I hope there are good things ahead for you as well. I think sharing your story and reaching out here are both great starts. <3
 
Hiya Cacodemon, welcome to Bluelight.

Another alcoholic here, done all that hiding bottles, massive binges drinking till blackout, memory loss, the lot. You've come to a good place, BL has been an immense source of support and strength for me, useful beyond words. Hope you find that to be the case too. Spork's already linked you to the alcoholism thread, there's a good few of us regularly in it so I'll maybe see you there. :)
 
Hi,

I am John Doe.

I don't know where to start, I am a young guy in his very early 20s or maybe its better to say late 10s... And I feel like I have lived the drug life so hard that I have seen almost everything.
I started smoking weed around 11-12 y/o and that fucked up my mind proper. Skip about 10 years to right now and I am currently on a 4th or 5th try coming off an powerful fentanyl analogue and every time I manage to go clean and then relapse straight when I get this "feeling", driving around in my car, passing some projects while some song is playing and it associates in my mind with sometime back, when I was still in "honeymoon" phase with opiates or just had no problems and had €€€ coming out of my ears and mouth, living the "good" life. Then I know, just a call (all the numbers are craved to stone in my mind), 10 minutes and I will be happy for 60 minutes again. I know that I will regret it, I know that I will never achieve that feeling but I will still do it anyway... I could stay at home but thats what I have basically doing for the last 6 months, locked in. And just when I get out again I relapse, and back in I am again.
First its just a every 2 days thing, then every other day and so it goes...

I don't even know what makes me more depressed - being locked in tapering or relapsing, I am right now at 0.5mg Subuxone dose with my taper so soon I will be done, but I am so afraid what will happen next. I am suicidal almost every evening, with methadone I was dead in the mornings and woke up at around 10pm, Suboxone its the other way, I wake up at 8am, positive but as the day progresses and probably because my brain unfroze from that methadone I realize there is nothing good to come out from my life.

I have a very supporting family behind me who have helped me with the best they could, which is why I feel so bad, alot of people have it alot badder than me. Lying to my mother about things, manipulating after all they have done for me. Its like I can never get this demon out of me, I think of doing dope almost 24/7... I honestly think the better way to do this is like they say - "horrible end is better than endless horror"

I have so much more to write but Ill drop the pen for now, just listening to some old tunes.

And btw, don't address me as plague66 - just a stupid username I made up 4 years ago when I didn't even touch opiods.
 
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