So, lately, my beau has seeming to have some insecurities going on in regards to me, nothing major, but enough to cause some slight strife.
He tells me all the time that I am "the best" in bed, kissing etc. that he has ever experienced. I feel the same, and definitely give a lot in the sex/love arena. Being really sexual and intimate with another person is a very vulnerable state, and I hope he appreciates it, but it seems like he just wants more from me...not necessarily sexual, but some desire to mesh completely with ideas/wants/interests. I feel like it is perfectly reasonable and healthy to be in a strong intimate relationship with another human and still have autonomy, and some divergent interests.
We are both old ravers and I HAVE to go dancing at least a few times a month, or I will go insane, do violence, etc. He accepts that, and goes out with me, but it seems like he is insecure with dance interactions or flirtations I have with other people. Dunno if this makes much sense, but he doesn't speak the same dance language as I; as in really feeling, listening to the music, getting deep into the groove. He seems to just go through the motions and he does dance, but not at the level that I like to connect with the music and others on the dance floor. For me, whenever I have my random interactions with others out and about, it really becomes a conversation and interpretation of the music, emotions, and energy. I mentioned before that we don't speak the same dance language to him and he interpreted that comment to mean that he is a "bad dancer". I never said that...but then...maybe because I have never said he is a "good" dancer he is deeply insecure about it. Also, out and about I need a lot of space (like at least a 15 foot radius). I am a dance floor hog, and feel entitled to it...maybe its being an asshole, but some people can appreciate that. Not sure if he does though...especially since he crowds me on occasion (literally stepping on me, etc.)
Also, it seems like whenever we do molly we become off-synch from each other. Normally we are on the same wavelength, but there is something about doing it that seems to exacerbate his insecurities, where he acts more and more codependent (like if I make a remark how I am not feeling the dj, he will quickly, almost interrupting me, say that we can leave the club now). I feel like I am pretty clear about what I want to do at any given point, so codependencies only irritate me. Also, I can't sleep after coming down off of molly, so therefore will nurse beers the day after in an attempt to relax me. He gets upset about my beer drinking, yet is the one who pushes the molly on me in the first place! He even told me last night that if I stopped drinking beer for a week he would stop doing molly for a month (not really a fair trade-off IMO, especially with molly I can take it or leave it, whereas beer....) I have told him that we all process chemicals differently, and even if HE is able to sleep on molly, I won't and can't. I know I am an alcoholic, but he has his problems too!~
Just am wondering how to get past his insecurities. I don't expect us to mesh in everything, nor want that. I wish he would just accept what I do give to him as being enough. Not sure how to express that to him.
He tells me all the time that I am "the best" in bed, kissing etc. that he has ever experienced. I feel the same, and definitely give a lot in the sex/love arena. Being really sexual and intimate with another person is a very vulnerable state, and I hope he appreciates it, but it seems like he just wants more from me...not necessarily sexual, but some desire to mesh completely with ideas/wants/interests. I feel like it is perfectly reasonable and healthy to be in a strong intimate relationship with another human and still have autonomy, and some divergent interests.
We are both old ravers and I HAVE to go dancing at least a few times a month, or I will go insane, do violence, etc. He accepts that, and goes out with me, but it seems like he is insecure with dance interactions or flirtations I have with other people. Dunno if this makes much sense, but he doesn't speak the same dance language as I; as in really feeling, listening to the music, getting deep into the groove. He seems to just go through the motions and he does dance, but not at the level that I like to connect with the music and others on the dance floor. For me, whenever I have my random interactions with others out and about, it really becomes a conversation and interpretation of the music, emotions, and energy. I mentioned before that we don't speak the same dance language to him and he interpreted that comment to mean that he is a "bad dancer". I never said that...but then...maybe because I have never said he is a "good" dancer he is deeply insecure about it. Also, out and about I need a lot of space (like at least a 15 foot radius). I am a dance floor hog, and feel entitled to it...maybe its being an asshole, but some people can appreciate that. Not sure if he does though...especially since he crowds me on occasion (literally stepping on me, etc.)
Also, it seems like whenever we do molly we become off-synch from each other. Normally we are on the same wavelength, but there is something about doing it that seems to exacerbate his insecurities, where he acts more and more codependent (like if I make a remark how I am not feeling the dj, he will quickly, almost interrupting me, say that we can leave the club now). I feel like I am pretty clear about what I want to do at any given point, so codependencies only irritate me. Also, I can't sleep after coming down off of molly, so therefore will nurse beers the day after in an attempt to relax me. He gets upset about my beer drinking, yet is the one who pushes the molly on me in the first place! He even told me last night that if I stopped drinking beer for a week he would stop doing molly for a month (not really a fair trade-off IMO, especially with molly I can take it or leave it, whereas beer....) I have told him that we all process chemicals differently, and even if HE is able to sleep on molly, I won't and can't. I know I am an alcoholic, but he has his problems too!~
Just am wondering how to get past his insecurities. I don't expect us to mesh in everything, nor want that. I wish he would just accept what I do give to him as being enough. Not sure how to express that to him.
