Innocence is sold

[kazza_baby]

Lips.
Stained with blood.
Emotions.
Thoughts cause a flood.
Feeling nothing.
Being numb.
Sanity.
Under your thumb.
Bitter pills.
A line of something sweet.
Help you escape.
They have you beat.
Reality disappears.
You have no fears.
Don’t last long enough.
You’re down.
Trying to flee.
Staring to drown.
Goosebumps.
Frightened.
Rotten .
To the core.
Your head.
It’s sore.
Can’t cry.
Heart is cold.
One final breath.
Innocence is sold.

 

[Dastrix Slogan]

I think perhaps this is one of your best pieces, not only can I feel the emotion but the rhyme is good and the flow almost builds to the ending. I hope that this isnt the place you are finding yourself now, hugs if it is!

 

[cherub]

kazza,, adored this piece definately,,,, i seem to have trouble getting the words out lately you seem to capture them perfectly,....

 

[Doppelganger]

I thought it flowed really well and was good!

Don’t last long enough.

From the way I read it, this line didn't flow with the rest quite as well.

 

[ButrosButros_Grantos]

Great piece, wonderfully crafted together.

Perhaps if you don't mind me making a suggestion though?

A line of something sweet

try it with:

lines of something sweet

To see how it sounds.

 

[kazza_baby]

Thanks guys

Great piece, wonderfully crafted together.

Perhaps if you don't mind me making a suggestion though?

A line of something sweet

try it with:

lines of something sweet

To see how it sounds.

It won't let me edit
But I tried what you suggested and it fit really well.
Improves the flow of it.

 

[ButrosButros_Grantos]

Or maybe we just have the same timed syllables?

P.S. I have no idea what that means...

 

[shorza]

Nice Kazza

 

[plazma]

Nice work, very emotive and you've used quite vivid imagery. I like it, it packs a punch.

-plaz out-

 

[kazza_baby]

thank you all

 

[RareForm]

definitely enjoyed this. the pace and the wording were exquisite.

 

[CHiLD-0F-THE-BEAT]

Lips.
Stained with blood.

^That's amazing, I read this after I posted my latest poem [first in a long time] and the imagery that leapt to my mind was blood on lips.

Beautiful piece my lovely.