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Innocence is sold

kazza_baby

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 1, 2005
Messages
1,875
Location
sydney
Lips.
Stained with blood.
Emotions.
Thoughts cause a flood.
Feeling nothing.
Being numb.
Sanity.
Under your thumb.
Bitter pills.
A line of something sweet.
Help you escape.
They have you beat.
Reality disappears.
You have no fears.
Don’t last long enough.
You’re down.
Trying to flee.
Staring to drown.
Goosebumps.
Frightened.
Rotten .
To the core.
Your head.
It’s sore.
Can’t cry.
Heart is cold.
One final breath.
Innocence is sold.
 
I think perhaps this is one of your best pieces, not only can I feel the emotion but the rhyme is good and the flow almost builds to the ending. I hope that this isnt the place you are finding yourself now, hugs if it is!
 
kazza,, adored this piece definately,,,, i seem to have trouble getting the words out lately you seem to capture them perfectly,.... :)
 
Great piece, wonderfully crafted together.

Perhaps if you don't mind me making a suggestion though?

A line of something sweet

try it with:

lines of something sweet

To see how it sounds.
 
Thanks guys =D

ButrosButros_Grantos said:
Great piece, wonderfully crafted together.

Perhaps if you don't mind me making a suggestion though?

A line of something sweet

try it with:

lines of something sweet

To see how it sounds.

It won't let me edit :\
But I tried what you suggested and it fit really well.
Improves the flow of it.
 
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