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Initiating Dialogue with your SO about psychedelic use

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psykedenlitenment

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Jun 19, 2013
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I am wondering how to start an open dialogue with my fiancee concerning my recent delving into psychs. She knows I've tripped mushrooms in the past (drunken confession), but that was years ago, near the beginning of our relationship. I feel that's she is suspicious, but I don't know how to approach the topic. I've cleaned up from weed, but feel like it would be a disappointment to her if I divulged this new info. Thanks to 'Mad Men' and Roger Sterling, the topic has been somewhat recent conversation which she doesn't appear to be completely turned off from, but that's all fiction and harmless to us 'real' people. I really wish to be honest, but am slightly terrified (read: completely apprehensive) of what new light she may see me in. Has anyone traversed a similar bridge without completely destroying what you've worked so hard to create? I want to be truthful, but don't necessarily want to give up my fun either. Is that selfish? Thanks everybody.
 
I think that she would be a lot more disappointed if you didn't tell her and then she found out through other means. Trust is vital in a relationship, so if you tell her in such a way that she will see that you value that key ingredient, she might not only understand, but even turn out to be supportive.
 
Initiating Dialogue with your SO

I am wondering how to start an open dialogue with my fiancee concerning my recent delving into psychs. She knows I've tripped mushrooms in the past (drunken confession), but that was years ago, near the beginning of our relationship. I feel that's she is suspicious, but I don't know how to approach the topic. I've cleaned up from weed, but feel like it would be a disappointment to her if I divulged this new info. Thanks to 'Mad Men' and Roger Sterling, the topic has been somewhat recent conversation which she doesn't appear to be completely turned off from, but that's all fiction and harmless to us 'real' people. I really wish to be honest, but am slightly terrified (read: completely apprehensive) of what new light she may see me in. Has anyone traversed a similar bridge without completely destroying what you've worked so hard to create? I want to be truthful, but don't necessarily want to give up my fun either. Is that selfish? Thanks everybody.

this was initially posted in PD and has seen a few replies, but I was told it would likely be more at home here.

Post script: I've perused a few threads here, but don't feel they quite fit the niche I'm looking for.
 
I'd find a way to be honest with her even if she doesn't approve. Tripping on the fact you're hiding from everyone, even your own wife is worse than tripping even though your wife doesn't approve, but I'm gonna take a camping trip w/o her a few times a year imho. Might just have to have an argument or two, bring your A game.
 
Exactly, just be honest. I did the same thing with my SO, and I dare say it saved our relationships. Never thought she would trip, but our trips together have been the best ever!

People have been fed a lot of lies about drugs so it's hard to get through the BS, you will need to educate a lot.
 
Well, the sooner you let her know, the better. The way I see it, if a girl can't accept my lifestyle and drug usage, then she's not the girl for me. There's no point in living a lie, and sustaining a relationship based on concealment and false pretenses.

As to how exactly you should go about initiating dialogue, keep in mind that the most important factor is honesty. That said, before you can explain to other people what psychedelics mean to you, first you have to discover that for yourself. Ask yourself, do you use them for enlightenment, or recreation, or something else? Don't just tell her that you use drugs, tell her why you think that they're important. Then, if she seems open, invite her to join you on a trip. :)
 
Why don't you give her some good info about psychedelics first? Before you tell her you enjoy them, give her some more information about them, good information. But besides that, I'm not sure what else to say, you've just got to tell her! Sit down with her, tell her about them, tell her what you've learned from them.

Good advice from TheAppleCore too :)
 
Asked her how she would feel if you tripped again. Tell her your desires, worries, etc.

Is she completely anti-drug? I know you mentioned "cleaning up your act" with marijuana.
 
psykedenlitenment said:
I want to be truthful, but don't necessarily want to give up my fun either. Is that selfish?
Click to expand...

I think this is the core of your dilemma.

You seem to suspect that she will take it really, really bad if you tell her that you are taking psychedelic drugs.

I don't think your being selfish right now, but you have a problem, because you can't have your cake and eat it. And if you try to anyway, you'll end up a selfish lying hypocrit.

Easy for me to say, but I think that you have to take the chance and tell her. But before you do that you have to make up your mind, will you give up tripping if she asks it.....because it sounds like there's a posibility you might have to make the choise.

Then again, if all go's well, your relationship could also grow so much stronger in many ways.
 
Thanks for the relies, very much appreciated. The reason for cleaning up the lungs is a new job with a UA, not getting anywhere with it anymore (the whole lack of ambition deal) and she didn't like the ashtray taste when we kissed. Can't really blame her on that. So, in a way, I am completely willing to change for her; I just don't want to (feel) like I'm losing myself completely for her. She's not totally against intoxicants (i.e. It's 'fine'), but she never enjoyed what she referred to as the constant falling feeling that goes with pot. My main problem with alcohol is the -ism and it runs on both sides of my family tree (also, I can be a happy drunk that quickly turns into the jackass). So on that front, personally, it's a very fine line and I have terrible balance.
It's not that I suspect she will take the information badly, but moreso that it won't be understood. Somewhat akin to HST in his red woolen shirt ruining bathrooms for the guy in the bar (I know you all know the scene). I believe it was morninggloryseeds in the PD thread, who said to share the LSD housewife video which I did this morning, but have yet to make contact with her in regards to it. She knows I'm strange, and I honestly have been my entire life. I guess I just need to grow a set and jump in. You all have given me different facets to ponder and work into my reasoning and for that I am extremely grateful. I'll keep you posted as to how it turns out.
 
Very encouraging and thanks morninggloryseed for the video suggestion. And synaethesia242, I hope that you are right, but she seems very adamant that she will NEVER mess with her brain in such a fashion. I won't push out force it onto her, but would relish the opportunity to 'enlighten' her. I've a poem/song-awaiting-music written that kind of says what I want to. I guess I'll share it here later today to see if you, the collective :-), find it coherent enough. I'll keep you posted to the situation as a whole as events warrant. Thank you all very much for your advice; I just hope I can get my points/desires across without seeming like I just want to get fucked up.
 
Ok, this is just me, and yes was very bitter (my ex fiancee cost me ~$50,000 in total).

I would say 'I am what I am; my habits do not control or define me....I control and define my habits. And if you can't accept that, goodbye'. Is it abrupt? Yes. Is it rude? Perhaps....depending on the person. But it is honest. And it leaves no question about a resolution (relationshipwise). You'll get your answer.

But ya know what? Getting stabbed in the metaphorical back can do that to you. Prospective girlfriend/SO's get me upfront with no hidden features.

Tom
 
^ Definitely, don't say that. Lol, a relationship is suppose to be about compromise.

Since you said you can be an angry drunk, maybe say that you think you've been thinking of an alternative that would be a nice pleasantry to enjoy...mushrooms? :O Tell her about how much fun you had before when you trip and how it makes you appreciate life more , etc etc. Just make it like a good time and be like, how would you feel if I got back into it but toned back on my drinking since I know I turn into an ass and am desperately trying to find a balance.
 
I haven't read all the answers in the thread so sorry if I'm repeating what others have said before. In my experience, people are usually more open-minded (or at the very least, less judgemental) about psychedelic use than they are about other drugs. I have told almost all my friends that I've done psychs a number of times and I haven't really gotten any grief from any of them (one even asked if I could share). However, if I bring up my heroin or cocaine use it's the end of the world. Government propaganda has at least left us psyches when it comes to the public eye seeing drugs as relatively safe, or at least not life-destroying.
If I were you I would start out by showing her all the research that's been done on them. The fact that they aren't addictive (or not very), that they've been known to get people out of very dark places, that they've been used therapeutically, that they make you more open-minded...that kinda thing. Most of the stuff on psyches out there is really quite positive and actual 'research' might convince her more than what you'd be telling her.
Also, compromise is always possible. I mean you can tell her about it without insisting the two of you trip together every other week!

Also, +1 on the housewife on LSD video. You can also look up the one with the LSD-testing on British marines.
 
Well, as promised, the conclusion. It really wasn't as difficult a conversation as i feared it might be. She didn't seem resentful or anything, but did express concern for my well being whilst inebriated, saying she has heard stories of people tripping and thinking they're superman and jumping off buildings. I, possibly foolishly or arrogantly, replied with, 'well, those people are stupid' and let the point drop. She affirmed her stance that she has no interest in altered mind states, but would be a sitter if needed. Now the true test will be how she actually reacts when i tell her that i intend on being mischievous in her presence, but i guess the hardest part is over. Thank you, again, to all who offered their conjecture. And most of all, HAPPY TRIPPING!
 
^ Yay! I love happy endings. :) I would say don't let her be a trip sitting though cuz she's going to think you're weird and MR. Unless you do a low dose with her so you're more controllable. You guys won't be "on the same level".
 
To be completely honest, I'm fairly strange to begin with. She more or less understands my vernacular and i don't usually go off the deep end. I'll save that for overnight camping trips (no pun intended, but it fits), with people more of the same mindset. I can usually facilitate the mental flexibility i seek with low doses. I'm somewhat lucky in that respect.
 
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