Hi folks. I could really use some advice from those of you outside my situation who may be able to see some way through which I can't see right now on account of being in the middle of it all.
When I was a younger bloke (I'm now 35), I had a major gambling problem years and failed to meet my financial responsibilities.... which now means I owe one company £10, 000, one local council £3, 300 (in overpaid wages), another £600 an so on. (And student debts of some £20, 000 on top of that but at least with THOSE I can defer each year my mental/drug illnessses continue and I'm not earning the "threshold amount"...)
After overcoming my gambling addiction some 7 or 8 years ago I've been struggling to service these debts: managing for some periods to stave off legal action for periods of mulitple months or years but at other times - like NOW - unemployment and deep depression has caused me to flee from these fuckers harassing me all the times with letters and phone calls and threatening legal action and just bury my head in the sand.
Every letter is like another envelope of blackness and despair which I just put in the bin. I even emailed one of these companies a few weeks back and now can't even bring myself to re-access that email account to check the reply I'm dreading it so much.
When I Do engage with the companies they just don't get it: that I'm broke and simply CANNOT repay them. So I offer token amounts of, say, £5 or even in recklessness (because I can't afford that to all of them) £10 per month..... and they say"that's not enough....we need more".....and my despair deepens.
My despair about my financial situation - and my lack of progress job-wise and drug-addiction-wise - is so complete that I'm thinking of suicide everyday. I have the perfect technique worked out but I just can't seem to work my self up to do it. (Feel like I'm gutless and cowardly.....yet in lucidity I feel if I WERE to succeed it would fucking KILL my parents and brothers who love me very much despite all my fuckups..... my mum just keeps saying how proud she is that I'm no longer gambling and no longer on benzos.....)
PLEASE HELP ME.
I know how much wisdom there is among the members and guests of TDS and beg you all to understand how desperate I feel and how bleak my situation feels. At my core I really don't think I want to die.... despite many suicidal attempts over the years - and brushes with death such as a few weeks ago with sinitus when I was rushed to hospital after a paramedic took my ear temperture and recorded 32 or 33c, saying if I'd left it another few hours I could well have died - I still seem to be here and in brighter, happier moments realise how blessed and fortunate I am. Yet I can't seem to harness this positive energy to drag myself out of my multiple self-dug holes of despair.
SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME. Thankyou for taking the time to read my post.
When I was a younger bloke (I'm now 35), I had a major gambling problem years and failed to meet my financial responsibilities.... which now means I owe one company £10, 000, one local council £3, 300 (in overpaid wages), another £600 an so on. (And student debts of some £20, 000 on top of that but at least with THOSE I can defer each year my mental/drug illnessses continue and I'm not earning the "threshold amount"...)
After overcoming my gambling addiction some 7 or 8 years ago I've been struggling to service these debts: managing for some periods to stave off legal action for periods of mulitple months or years but at other times - like NOW - unemployment and deep depression has caused me to flee from these fuckers harassing me all the times with letters and phone calls and threatening legal action and just bury my head in the sand.
Every letter is like another envelope of blackness and despair which I just put in the bin. I even emailed one of these companies a few weeks back and now can't even bring myself to re-access that email account to check the reply I'm dreading it so much.
When I Do engage with the companies they just don't get it: that I'm broke and simply CANNOT repay them. So I offer token amounts of, say, £5 or even in recklessness (because I can't afford that to all of them) £10 per month..... and they say"that's not enough....we need more".....and my despair deepens.
My despair about my financial situation - and my lack of progress job-wise and drug-addiction-wise - is so complete that I'm thinking of suicide everyday. I have the perfect technique worked out but I just can't seem to work my self up to do it. (Feel like I'm gutless and cowardly.....yet in lucidity I feel if I WERE to succeed it would fucking KILL my parents and brothers who love me very much despite all my fuckups..... my mum just keeps saying how proud she is that I'm no longer gambling and no longer on benzos.....)
PLEASE HELP ME.
I know how much wisdom there is among the members and guests of TDS and beg you all to understand how desperate I feel and how bleak my situation feels. At my core I really don't think I want to die.... despite many suicidal attempts over the years - and brushes with death such as a few weeks ago with sinitus when I was rushed to hospital after a paramedic took my ear temperture and recorded 32 or 33c, saying if I'd left it another few hours I could well have died - I still seem to be here and in brighter, happier moments realise how blessed and fortunate I am. Yet I can't seem to harness this positive energy to drag myself out of my multiple self-dug holes of despair.
SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME. Thankyou for taking the time to read my post.
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