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Inability to feel emotionally about anyone

S

somethingswrong

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 19, 2010
Messages
34
I started uni after almost a year off. I've been getting more and more isolated lately, for reasons I have no idea myself. I get great opportunities to socialize with all kinds of people, people want to talk to me etc and its like, what I've always wanted! I used to feel lonely my whole life. But now I can't stand talking with anyone. I can't be open with anyone nor do I feel any big need to share my ideas, emotions etc with others. I can't stand small talk, cause it just makes me sooo anxious. Yet I can't talk about anything now, all I do is ramble on in a panic then try to escape with any excuse. That in turn makes me a little miserable but doesn't bother me a lot.

I feel lonely, but don't want to talk to anyone. It's like, I've stopped feeling people at an emotional level and don't want to get to know anyone closely. But loneliness was always my biggest complaint to myself all my life, that always caused me so much depression. Now for a long time, a year or more, I've met a lot of people and had good times with some yet it doesn't feel solid. It's as if the more time I spend getting to know someone, the more fake and superficial it all feels and I just have to get away. A part of me wants to get to know anyone better then as a passing friend to shoot the breeze with.

I don't even think in terms of 'friendship' and 'love' etc. I've stopped thinking about those because none of it felt like I hoped it would. What are relationships between humans?

For years now, I've stopped keeping up with people. I meet people for short times, have great times with them, then drop out of contact for no reason at all. I haven't been able to figure out why I do that. Does this belong in the dark side?

The people I meet frequently, I just can't relate or feel anything at all! Is it because of getting high? I only get high and don't do other drugs nor do I drink.
 
I think its a mixture of constantly reinforcing that you can't feel anything in your head with a combination of high expectations. You don't HAVE to feel that much about everyone. I personally don't feel emotional about most of the people in my life. That doesn't mean your a bad person. Just take it easy, and let things come as they may. Instead of viewing relationships as these big emotional investments, just see it as hanging out or getting to know someone.
 
Just curious...I didn't see in your post if you do drugs? Drugs can do some weird things to people. My BF withdrew from anyone he knew IRL and stuck to only people he knew online. It was like night and day in the 3-4 months he started to do drugs heavily. I'm curious if you have been using any type of drug lately, and if you think it contributes to the problem.
 
@Lysis: I've done large amounts of ketamine in the past. Right now, for almost a year now, I've been smoking hash daily. I can relate to sticking to people online only, but.. for more then a year now I haven't been able to communicate with anyone online either. I just don't feel like chatting with anyone online or getting to know people online in forums and boards etc and the people I did feel some kind of connection with, I lost that and just dropped out of my entire online life.

Online is how I made most of my few good friends that I later on meet in IRL occasionaly and consider good friends of mine.

@Frankie: I've toned down my expectations of others a whole lot. I had high expectations before and it caused a lot of anxiety and shit whenever no one came up to them but I realised long ago that that's unreasonable. I don't expect much now.. but now, I don't care about talking or getting to know anyone because all I can seem to do IS hang out and it feels like a waste of time.
 
the trouble with pot (or in the beginning, the lure of it) makes it pretty easy to detach yourself from your emotions. it's pretty good at making apathy feel like the most comfortable, blissful state of mind, as perturbing as that thought is to the (presumably) more sensually & psychologically evolved person underneath. it seems very likely to me that one year of habitual smoking could contribute to your degenerative social and emotional numbness - now you just need to be honest with yourself, and ask whether you could continue to deceive yourself and carry on smoking, full-knowing what the potential consequences of another 2, 3, 4 years of continuing along this path could bring...... :\
 
cut out the weed- smoking hash every day will detach you socially, and make socialising boring and feel pointless. its okay once in a while but being stoned every day is not good for your social skills, are you stoned throughout the day or just at night? rmember heavy use of pot can make you depressed...
 
I've been waking and baking a long time now.. and I've managed to do well in studies and most practical functions in daily life. I've been using hash almost constantly almost 3 or 4 years now.. but that was with breaks of one month after my use used to get too heavy. I'm out of hash atm, and didn't get anymore so far. Only have enough left for one joint and then i'll try to quit. I can remember how many times I've told myself that in the past.
 
such is the nature of chemical dependence.

you'd be foolish to ignore the red flags - there's no sitting & wondering what the root cause of your problem is, the writing's on the wall with this one.

you can be functional & successful in those aforementioned areas of your life, as well as in the emotional sense WITHOUT weed. you just don't remember what that's like....and probably don't believe in yourself enough/are too scared to quit for other reasons to really make a sincere attempt at going without. maybe try working through whatever it was that triggered the habitual weed use in the first place.......now that you have none for the time being. as a first step anyway.
 
I have a hard time trusting people, family friends classmates teachers, etc. I think this is similar to what you feel. I live a pretty good social life, i just dont trust anybody... i would say its because i dont want emotions getting in the way of decisions i have to make about somebody in a particular situation. Ther are people who know me beter than others and if your one of them ill be cool as hell with you but i still wont trust you, you know what i mean. Trust is word that doesnt really go in my vocab. Yeah i have friends and homies but the straight up truth is that i dont trust a single one of them. But thats me, you have to figure yourself out.......
 
IME depression SEVERELY impairs my ability to care about anyone or anything. Perhaps the root of your cause is the depression and you seem to be feeling the lack of emotions the most. When some people get depressed they cry and look to others for help. I know for me when I was depressed I coped by shutting all my feelings out and becoming numb. Everybody deals with it differently, but it sounds like your going what I have gone through. When I was happy I would care about everything (all my friends, family, even strangers, etc...). When depressed I would give two sh*ts about anyone's feelings. I even remember standing over a guy who just get hit by a car that was bleeding severely and not really caring. This sh*t will pass... it always does
 
^ if it isn't adequately addressed and dealt with, however, it usually only becomes worse... even without the added dimension of drugs and the separate, possibly detrimental effects they can have on different people. drugs & depression are definitely the worst combination a person could mix together. and yet it's probably the most commonplace :\
 
have you sought professional help for these issues? I think you could benefit greatly from some counseling and maybe proper medication. when i read your post and read the parts about isolation and not wanting to keep up with friends - motivation in that aspect, what sprang to mind is maybe depression or an anxiety issue?

if you want a change in your situation you definitely have to take action. to take action you need the motivation and courage to do so. its a big effort to turn a life around from isolation to a more social and healthy life.

that being said - some people just dont enjoy the company of others and prefer their own space. if you are concerned about it though, and feel lonely, then this is not likely to be the case.

try go speak to a professional about this - talking it out can help a lot, just like posting here in SLR. good luck
 
[/QUOTE]For years now, I've stopped keeping up with people. I meet people for short times, have great times with them, then drop out of contact for no reason at all. I haven't been able to figure out why I do that. Does this belong in the dark side?

The people I meet frequently, I just can't relate or feel anything at all! Is it because of getting high? I only get high and don't do other drugs nor do I drink.[/QUOTE]

im the same exact way, I don't have any long-term friends besides family members. for the first time I was able to keep a friend for 15 months, but am trying very hard to keep them, for example I make sure to call them at least once a week. and hang out at least few times a month.

but I don't have any emotions about them anymore, for example when I went on a trip, i didn't miss them or anything, or same thing. I have no emotion toward them, so basically emotionally it won't make a difference if there in my life or not.

but because they're a very good person, I'm trying to keep them..
 
Is it bad that I feel the same way? I haven’t been taking drugs, hell I don’t even smoke or drink, but I still feel the someway…. Even worse is that I’m a teenager… Does anybody have some advise? Because I would really love to have friends, it all just seems so…. unreal? fake? awkward? I can’t even set words to it…
Please help, I don’t wanna be apathetic….
 
life is full of contrived situations and that doesn't change as you get older.

decent friends are rare but if you meet a lot of people over your life you give yourself more opportunities to find friends.

for me the single most important thing that friends share is a sense of humour
 
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