xxkcxx
Bluelighter
A lot of you know my history.
I was on heroin for about 2 years, in and out of treatment. I've abused just about every drug including benzos.
I've been clean going on one year now, however.
I'm really struggling with my eating disorder and self-injury. I'm in a nearly constant state of panic, thinking about calorie contents, body image, the way people look at me, what people think about me. I can barely bring myself to eat over 700 calories a day and I work out at least 1.5 hours a day.
Last night, I had an incredibly strong urge to cut. I was able to hold out for about 5 hours and the anxiety was still there and I couldn't take it anymore so I went through with it. It didn't even help. I was still anxious and just had the desire to go deeper and do more. I was suicidal.
I'll be honest and say last week I took 1 mg of xanax from my mom when I was really, really struggling. It helped a lot. I was able to eat a normal meal without worry about the calories, and I didn't even feel guilty afterword. I wasn't plagued with the thoughts of being fat and disgusting and unlovable and all the things I think about constantly in a loop in my head.
I'd like to discuss the option of getting back on benzos with my psychiatrist (it's a new one), but I'm not sure 1) if this is a really good idea and 2) if this is reason enough to go back on--I guess, if the risks outweigh the benefits.
What do you all think? I know you aren't doctors, but do you think an addict can handle a benzo prescription? I would even have my mom hold onto them and give me just my daily dosage. I was thinking I could even do a one-a-day pill like Xanax XR.
I've been prescribed SSRIs (I'm on Zoloft and Wellbutrin right now), I've been on gabapentin and buspar and seroquel and nothing other than benzos has really helped. I could try seroquel again cause it helped somewhat, but there was a lot of weight gain and it made me extremely tired to take it during the day.
IDK, I guess I just want opinions.
I was on heroin for about 2 years, in and out of treatment. I've abused just about every drug including benzos.
I've been clean going on one year now, however.
I'm really struggling with my eating disorder and self-injury. I'm in a nearly constant state of panic, thinking about calorie contents, body image, the way people look at me, what people think about me. I can barely bring myself to eat over 700 calories a day and I work out at least 1.5 hours a day.
Last night, I had an incredibly strong urge to cut. I was able to hold out for about 5 hours and the anxiety was still there and I couldn't take it anymore so I went through with it. It didn't even help. I was still anxious and just had the desire to go deeper and do more. I was suicidal.
I'll be honest and say last week I took 1 mg of xanax from my mom when I was really, really struggling. It helped a lot. I was able to eat a normal meal without worry about the calories, and I didn't even feel guilty afterword. I wasn't plagued with the thoughts of being fat and disgusting and unlovable and all the things I think about constantly in a loop in my head.
I'd like to discuss the option of getting back on benzos with my psychiatrist (it's a new one), but I'm not sure 1) if this is a really good idea and 2) if this is reason enough to go back on--I guess, if the risks outweigh the benefits.
What do you all think? I know you aren't doctors, but do you think an addict can handle a benzo prescription? I would even have my mom hold onto them and give me just my daily dosage. I was thinking I could even do a one-a-day pill like Xanax XR.
I've been prescribed SSRIs (I'm on Zoloft and Wellbutrin right now), I've been on gabapentin and buspar and seroquel and nothing other than benzos has really helped. I could try seroquel again cause it helped somewhat, but there was a lot of weight gain and it made me extremely tired to take it during the day.
IDK, I guess I just want opinions.