In recovery and getting RX'd benzos?

[xxkcxx]

A lot of you know my history.

I was on heroin for about 2 years, in and out of treatment. I've abused just about every drug including benzos.


I've been clean going on one year now, however.


I'm really struggling with my eating disorder and self-injury. I'm in a nearly constant state of panic, thinking about calorie contents, body image, the way people look at me, what people think about me. I can barely bring myself to eat over 700 calories a day and I work out at least 1.5 hours a day.

Last night, I had an incredibly strong urge to cut. I was able to hold out for about 5 hours and the anxiety was still there and I couldn't take it anymore so I went through with it. It didn't even help. I was still anxious and just had the desire to go deeper and do more. I was suicidal.


I'll be honest and say last week I took 1 mg of xanax from my mom when I was really, really struggling. It helped a lot. I was able to eat a normal meal without worry about the calories, and I didn't even feel guilty afterword. I wasn't plagued with the thoughts of being fat and disgusting and unlovable and all the things I think about constantly in a loop in my head.


I'd like to discuss the option of getting back on benzos with my psychiatrist (it's a new one), but I'm not sure 1) if this is a really good idea and 2) if this is reason enough to go back on--I guess, if the risks outweigh the benefits.


What do you all think? I know you aren't doctors, but do you think an addict can handle a benzo prescription? I would even have my mom hold onto them and give me just my daily dosage. I was thinking I could even do a one-a-day pill like Xanax XR.

I've been prescribed SSRIs (I'm on Zoloft and Wellbutrin right now), I've been on gabapentin and buspar and seroquel and nothing other than benzos has really helped. I could try seroquel again cause it helped somewhat, but there was a lot of weight gain and it made me extremely tired to take it during the day.

IDK, I guess I just want opinions.

 

[thelung]

Can you handle a benzo script just sitting around? Would you be able to use them as directed? If yes, then I'd ask your doc about it. If no, then it would probably be a very bad idea.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I know you aren't doctors, but do you think an addict can handle a benzo prescription? I would even have my mom hold onto them and give me just my daily dosage. I was thinking I could even do a one-a-day pill like Xanax XR.

KC

I think you ask a good question, and the answer is YES! an addict can handle a benzo prescription. However you don't want to be handling it yourself - letting your mom hold onto it - good idea.

I would say a long lasting benzo once per day is best for your case, but then again I would not suggest Xanax XR. Xanax tends to build a tolerance somewhat quickly.

If Xanax gives you the most relief, you can certainly try it. However I would suggest lorazepam or diazepam for starters.

Good luck KC! It took me a while to get benzodiazepines (from doctors who do not know about my past H use), so I wish you the best in your recovery.

 

[Sweet P]

If you ask for a benzo prescription but don't think you can resist the urge to abuse them, ask you doctor to arrange a weekly pick-up from the pharmacy, where you collect only a week's worth of benzos at a time. That's what my doctor has done to prevent me abusing them, and it's worked.

 

[Z Y G G Y]

I think you should go with it. I'm also often in a lot of anxiety about lots of things and I get clonazepam from a doc and buy other benzos as needed. Now, he doesn't know about my past history. But even my sub doctor gave me benzos, but its better not to tell them you had problems with addiction as it might make it close to impossible to get them to give you what you need due to the stigma.

Just tell them what you are experiencing and that the meds you are on aren't helping. Since you have some SSRI's under your belt it will be easier to get benzos as doctors want to try those first.

Just tell them exactly what you told us. Maybe that your mom gave you a xanax and you were able yo function normally and its been the only thing that has worked. There are doctors who prescribe benzos so if one doesn't, you can also try other ones.

 

[Mariposa]

First: congrats on your H-free time. That is no small accomplishment.

Addict or not (and my DOC isn't heroin as you know) I don't think I could function normally without being on benzodiazepine therapy, at least not right now. I hope it is not this way forever.

Confiding in your doctor about a genuine anxiety problem is commendable, as anxiety and panic reactions are difficult to discuss. If the underlying issue that leads you to SI and ED behaviors is depression, as it is in many people, benzodiazepines can in some cases increase the depression. If I go above a very low dose, I tend to get more depressed and self-destructive. Therefore, I have somewhat of a natural deterrent from abusing them. But I may be an exception. They are certainly abused by many people, mostly drinkers, and during heavy drinking periods in the past I have been more inclined to abuse them. That came back to bite me in the ass bigtime.

Diazepam/Valium has been a kinder, gentler benzo for me than others. I am at 5 mg/day now though I am prescribed more. I have not yet found that "perfect" antidepressant - tramadol came close, but I am still glad I kicked it when I did. SSRIs? I can't stay on them long enough to find relief as I seem only to get side effects.

I would not advocate saying that you were given someone else's medication, but you can certainly say that you have taken X benzo in the past and found it helpful, without being flagged as an abuser. My doc is extremely benzo-friendly but he's seen what I am like without them. He's also seen (most of) my medical records that establish this. Most doctors IME think Buspar is totally ineffective and useless.

My best advice is to discuss the anxiety you are feeling on the level with your new doc. In the meantime, recognize that you are a beautiful person inside and out. I know that is much easier said than done. You have intelligence and genuine empathy, and that will show in your interactions with your doc.

You also have the option of an as-needed script which would probably be Xanax or Ativan for acute panic reactions.

Good luck, much love - and let us know what you decide.

 

[SececaRD]

I think you ask a good question, and the answer is YES!

Thats insane even thinking that!

 

[Sweet P]

^ Why? I'm an addict and I'm still prescribed benzos.

 

[xxkcxx]

Thank you for all the responses so far, particularly mariposa. I always appreciate how kinda and well-thought out your posts are

I'm not going to be seeing a psychiatrist for a few weeks, but I will definitely be honest about my use, mainly cause I already have been when they did the assessment. I do NOT want to fall back into the cycle of addiction, so if the professional says that it's not a good idea, I will try something else. If I try a few treatments that don't work, however, I will definitely ask the doctor to re-evaluate the benefits.

 

[dragonslayer428]

me too and I don't ever abuse them

 

[lestahb]

I have some ativan lying around from about 6 years ago ( just found it), and I'm almost 5 years clean from meth. I've been taking it on and off for about 6 months. I think I've taken 7 of the 1mg tablets. I used to be scripted about 4mg of it a day, and 2mg clonazepam. I haven't been abusing it, and it does help the anxiety. Though I have to admit, thinking about it makes me want it, and that makes me anxious. But I haven't taken it when my thoughts of ativan came before my thoughts of anxiety. Just when my panic was not related.
That was confusing.
In summation, if I had found it earlier in my recovery, I would have probably abused it. I'm okay now, I like to think, but having someone else hold on to it is a good idea.

 

[SececaRD]

So what your trying to say is that its a good idea to perscribe a recovering addict Xanax.

I work at a rehab and none of the case workers would ever suggest such a thing..

Thats like playing russian roulette.

 

[paranoid android]

I wouldnt suggest xanax to be honest. But thats just because i have a certain bias against the drug due to seing people get way too messed up on it. Plus it seems to be more addictive then most other benzos due to it's short half life. Saying that it does work for some people.

I take clonazepam and have never had any problems with it. Im a recovering alcoholic (though i do go off the wagon now and again but thats rare) and im addicted to opiates. Clonazepam or other benzos (besides temazepam) where just never addictive for me.

Just because your addicted to one thing does not mean you'l get addicted to everything. Saying that if youve had problems with benzos before be very careful with them.

 

[Cane2theLeft]

Just because your addicted to one thing does not mean you'l get addicted to everything. Saying that if youve had problems with benzos before be very careful with them.

You're right, its certainly not an inevitability but its enough of a concern that its considered clinically significant. Its exceedingly rare these days that addicts only abuse one type of drug and have no problem with others. Many have a preferred class of drug, but in its absence will use just about anything to get fucked up/relieve their distress.

 

[burn out]

you get really biased answers asking this question here, a site full of people looking to solve their problems by taking drugs.

i recommend asking your same question here: benzowithdrawal.com, just so you can compare the responses you get, for some balance.

it's also important to remember that you should never take benzos every day if you value your brain even a little bit.

You're right, its certainly not an inevitability but its enough of a concern that its considered clinically significant. Its exceedingly rare these days that addicts only abuse one type of drug and have no problem with others. Many have a preferred class of drug, but in its absence will use just about anything to get fucked up/relieve their distress.

everyone seems to be ignoring the fact that with benzos, it's not the psychological addiction that hurts you, it's the devastating physical dependence and neurological changes that occur in any daily user regardless of whether he or she is taking them as prescribed.

 

[paranoid android]

you get really biased answers asking this question here, a site full of people looking to solve their problems by taking drugs.

i recommend asking your same question here: benzowithdrawal.com, just so you can compare the responses you get, for some balance.

it's also important to remember that you should never take benzos every day if you value your brain even a little bit.

I value my brain and after 5 years of being on clonazepam it still works fine. The clonazepam also helps my anxiety better then any other drug so im fine with being on it.

Not every person who goes on benzos ends up a benzo horror story. Your right it can happen but it's not inevitable by any means.

 

[Cane2theLeft]

^agreed, if you take moderate doses appropriately and taper off slowly, there is nothing to worry about. Abuse or using huge doses are where they become problematic.

 

[burn out]

I value my brain and after 5 years of being on clonazepam it still works fine. The clonazepam also helps my anxiety better then any other drug so im fine with being on it.

Not every person who goes on benzos ends up a benzo horror story. Your right it can happen but it's not inevitable by any means.

your story isn't over. five years from now, you could be in very bad shape. i can't predict exactly when the clonazepam will turn on you, but when it does, may god help you.

^agreed, if you take moderate doses appropriately and taper off slowly, there is nothing to worry about. Abuse or using huge doses are where they become problematic.

i've spent enough time researching benzos to know this is absolutely not true. in fact, some of the people with the most severe problems actually took low doses usually exactly as prescribed.

you can review the research of dr. heather ashton if you want a source for this. also see benzo.org.uk.

 

[Cane2theLeft]

^When you look at just the horror stories of course you are going to get a skewed view of how problematic or dangerous they are. Benzos have been used therapeutically for nearly 50 years now and for most of that time, at least one was in the top 10 or 20 most prescribed drugs in the US. If they were so severely problematic, the phenomenon would be far more well-known and they would not be prescribed as freely as they currently are.

 

[burn out]

^When you look at just the horror stories of course you are going to get a skewed view of how problematic or dangerous they are. Benzos have been used therapeutically for nearly 50 years now and for most of that time, at least one was in the top 10 or 20 most prescribed drugs in the US. If they were so severely problematic, the phenomenon would be far more well-known and they would not be prescribed as freely as they currently are.

you raise a good point and dr. ashton might agree to an extent, but it doesn't change the fact that many of the people who develop severe and long lasting problems from benzos, were on low doses and did not abuse them, thus invalidating the idea that if you take a low dose and don't abuse you will be safe. there is simply no safe way to take active doses of benzos daily for any length of time and this has been proven over and over again, not just by horror stories but by controlled studies as well. that's why the pharma companies recommend them to be used no more than 2-4 weeks, to cover their asses.

in addition, the problem is often ignored by physicians and instead labeled as "a return of the original condition" or misdiagnosed in some other way. how do you explain the large numbers of people on benzo recovery sites? they get new members every day.