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In Love with the injecting ritual more than the drug itself...

Wow. Couldn't have said it better myself. How I love that needle. *drool*
 
DrugFuckedNZ said:
This refers to drug and needle use:
It starts out like a love affair/relationship in the first 3-6 month honeymoon period like...
"I loved you from the moment we were introduced, where had you been hiding all my life sexy 'needle-rush'
In the middle and rock-bottom stages of addiction it's like...
"I hate your guts 'needle-rush'! all. I pay for your company like a prostitute and you use and abuse me 'needle-rush'! A bit dramatic but sums up how it is for me :(
Click to expand...

A bit dramatic??!?!?! Sounds like you and I had a similar path, DFNZ. Great, eloquent, lurid post too..Well done!

I had a full on phobia for needles until my late 20s when I decided to donate blood to overcome it. But that worked only while I couldn't see the thing. When I started drugs, I developed the instant crush for needles. One mate who knew my previous inability to look at them just thought it was incredible because, for years, I tied to understand how you could become addicted to your ROA. Then the first time we used together, I asked him to film it. He realised I was as obsessed as he was. The guy who takes my monthly blood test knew something was up when I not only stared at the needle going in but also sucked my breath in with excitement...

But that has died away now., I still tape my injections but that is more about observing how the drug affects me overall...Although I do want to hide a syringe in my tattoo somehow...,
 
That's an interesting thing to do, filming your injections. I've thought about it, but decided against it, as I'm not so sure I could deal with that kind of hardcore reality check. I got this idea of what I look like when I'm fixing, but I'm sure that if I were to see it I would be really horrified, at how depressing and dark it might be (and not in that "Im Kurt Cobaine, Basquiate, Iggy Pop,etc,etc, hard core mother fucker!"-kind of way, just like "get your shit together, asshole").
 
i disagree about the whole "chasing the first high" thing. the only drug that was the best the first time i used was crack. i still love it every now and then but that first hit was like nothing else. but i have been using h for 5 years and still get that same feeling the first time i used, granted not every time but i do still get to that place. same with shooting coke, but that is always the same, orgasmic the first, orgasmic all the other times too.

and my favorite is also seeing that blood shoot into the rig. so beautiful!
 
I don't see it as chasing that first high, but I do see myself chasing certain highs. I remember this one time me and a few friends were shooting speedballs in the back of a car, and although the scenario sounds grimy, that was one of the best IV drug experiences I've ever had (it possibly is the best). The crack was great, the heroin was great, the people were great, and I compare every time I use to that experience. The first time was obviously good, since it propelled me to do it again, but there were many future highs that were light years ahead.
 
Znegative said:
That's an interesting thing to do, filming your injections. I've thought about it, but decided against it, as I'm not so sure I could deal with that kind of hardcore reality check. .
Click to expand...

See, I have never looked at it like that. Basically, long before I enjoyed drugs, I am the sort of person who thirsts for knowledge, an "information junkie" if you will. And I have simply transplanted my need for knowledge to that sphere: the idea hit me when my using mate kept telling me how my face and jawline changed as it was hitting me, then as I realised how different others' appearance was to how they were feeling...

But, to your point, the first time I saw myself reacting I was stunned. I expected to see myself just in ecstasy; instead, I looked scared and frankly a little vacant.

My mate's GF also got into it; but she was looking to see how large her pupils would get. That was something I used to obsess about early on too - until I gave up on it - then without even looking I still remember the first time I saw my pupils were nearly as big as my mate's (also, remember the first time I FELT them expand - wow!). But then I realised it wasn't anything other than what happens when you focus; your pupils narrow. I saw it first in my mate's GF when I tried to record huge pupils in her eyes but as soon as she realised what I was seeing, they narrowed. All you could see on the film was them narrowing...She never did relax enough to see them to her satisfaction.

Now, even my mate - who has always been paranoid about filming since he was usually the one injecting us - likes to see things. I secretly filmed how he reacted to what we had last night (after seeing it blow my mind in a way it hasn't done for ages; geez, it was great...and strong!) and he also enjoyed seeing his body etc just change with the flow...So long as I delete the effing thing straight away...
 
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