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In Love With A Straight Guy (Utterly Confused As To What To Do)

A

Alex000

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 5, 2010
Messages
2,058
Okay, I figure it is time to get some serious feedback and advice from BL, as I love BL, and I NEED some advice on what to do. The situation is a bit complicated or is it simple? See, I don't even know. Okay it is as follows:

I used to go to school with this guy to whom I grew attracted over the period of about two years. At first, I am not sure how I really felt - probably just attracted, but as time passed in that school, I found there was something about him I wanted with me, but I don't know exactly what. He is an attractive guy by most standards, I'd guess, but I would rather be with him than the hottest of any of the other guys out there. I was thinking it was infatuation while I was in school with him - that it would, unfortunately, pass. I was mistaken. We both left the school around the same time. I stayed around the area, continuing schooling, but not at the school he went to. He went off (still in the U.S.), but is VERY far away. I am in a quandry even as to what to say right now in this post - after we went our seperate ways my mind drifted back to him again and again, and the longing for him - the want - seems to only grow. I can imagine having a wonderful relationship with another guy, yes, but none as good as with him. And, he is straight, outwardly, at least. I guess he is currently in a relationship with some girl, not that we are in contact, only knowing that through FB, and it has been a while he has. Okay - fine, then for now, but what do I do when I am able to leave my current home?

I will be able to leave home, here, in about a year. I do not know what to do. For the longest time I had the idea I would go out to where he was just to be around him, or even to seduce him masquerading as a woman. Crazy shit. I am thinking now - will I be content not pursuing whom I love, and I do - I really do. He is amazing, and I don't know why. Romantic scenes on TV and in films make me cry, I think of him when listening to a good deal of songs, etc. What I would give to just lie next to him in a bed, cuddling. It is not lust - I know that, but is it all worth it? After all, he is straight, and kind of found out I had a bit of thing for him (when it was just a bit of a thing) when we went to school together. I fear that if I do try to win him over, I will be crushed because he will think me extremely obssesive esp. cause I am a guy. And, that leads into another area of wonder - how would I win him over? Use an alias? Masquerade as said? What? I want to be with him for life, yes, it is that deep love almost as one has for one's mother in that it is so strong and so pure. I think and feel it is better to try, but should I? Should I persist? And, how? How would it or could it all work? I don't know why, as I said, I feel it - I just do - love, and longing to be with - to be near. It is undeniable in what I feel, but what do I DO? And, HOW?

Thanks in advance, BL'rs.
 
If he is straight and in a relationship, I suggest that you do NOT do anything as drastic (and likely to fail) as moving across the country to be close to him and attempting to seduce him.

If you absolutely cannot move on without giving this a go, then be honest with him. You will then know either way.

How long has it been since you've seen this guy? Are you in regular contact? Some things in your post possibly indicate an unhealthy level of fixation, and if this is troubling you it may be wise to consider counselling.
 
It has been approx. 18 months since I have seen him. And, no we are not in regular contact. I do ask, and am very curious, indeed, what things in my post possibly indicate an unhealthy level of fixation in your opinion?
 
Alex000 said:
I will be able to leave home, here, in about a year. I do not know what to do. For the longest time I had the idea I would go out to where he was just to be around him, or even to seduce him masquerading as a woman. Crazy shit. I am thinking now - will I be content not pursuing whom I love, and I do - I really do. He is amazing, and I don't know why. Romantic scenes on TV and in films make me cry, I think of him when listening to a good deal of songs, etc. What I would give to just lie next to him in a bed, cuddling. It is not lust - I know that, but is it all worth it? After all, he is straight, and kind of found out I had a bit of thing for him (when it was just a bit of a thing) when we went to school together. I fear that if I do try to win him over, I will be crushed because he will think me extremely obssesive esp. cause I am a guy. And, that leads into another area of wonder - how would I win him over? Use an alias? Masquerade as said? What? I want to be with him for life, yes, it is that deep love almost as one has for one's mother in that it is so strong and so pure. I think and feel it is better to try, but should I? Should I persist? And, how? How would it or could it all work? I don't know why, as I said, I feel it - I just do - love, and longing to be with - to be near. It is undeniable in what I feel, but what do I DO? And, HOW?
Click to expand...

IMHO, it would be a lot more healthy to focus on moving past this, as opposed to travelling across the country to masquerade as a woman in order to seduce a straight man that's in a relationship.
 
That would be fucking hilarious from an outsider perspective though. If you do pose as a woman to trick your friend into sex, please keep a seduction blog on here.
 
Licence to Pill said:
That would be fucking hilarious from an outsider perspective though. If you do pose as a woman to trick your friend into sex, please keep a seduction blog on here.
Click to expand...


Seconded. But in all seriousness, though, trying to seduce a straight man isn't going to work. How would you feel if a woman tried to seduce you (assuming you're not bi)?
 
What Tude said exactly. I mean, assuming you are mostly on the homosexual side of the spectrum, how would you feel if a female obsessively tried to "turn you" to be straight? Most likely you would be pissed that she did not get the fact that you are attracted to men and was trying to change who you are.

Unrequited love sucks ass, no matter who you love. However, I can almost guarantee you that you will one day find someone else who you are attracted to in a similar way.

I get the lulz of having you pretend to be a women, but that is the stuff that can get people hurt...some people take their sexual "identity" very seriously and would be outraged to discover a ruse like that. I have no idea if this particular guy is such a person but you never know. Plus, why would you want to base a relationship on a lie?

Good luck, I have been there myself and even after having been with my husband for about 15 years, I still think about the one who "got away".....
 
Meh feel like i could post this same thread..except my friend is still around and Idk what I'm going to do when he leaves :(
I don't think I'll ever tell him my feelings even though you just described most of them besides the one about seducing him lol
Maybe he would be willing to see it your way and accept you
My friend is adamantly straight so I don't think I could change him and not feel bad
Maybe one day haha
 
In another thread like this I told the person to get out and meet other bisexual and gay men and date them or have a relationship with them. I suggest that both Alex and Butterwood do the same.

No it's not easy but doing this will help you move on and you'll be with someone who actually wants you.

Honestly get out of your comfort zone and get out and meet other bisexual and gay men. Become friends with them, date them, have a LTR, or hook up safely if you are into doing this, or just get out and meet new people and try to stop obsessing over your friend.

I have been there with a gay male friend of mine. Unrequited love/affection sucks and it's not going to help just sitting around lusting or obsessing over what you can't have.
 
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PriestTheyCalledHim said:
In another thread like this I told the person to get out and meet other bisexual and gay men and date them or have a relationship with them.
Click to expand...

Exactly.

Get out there and meet more guys! Go to gay bars/clubs if you want to be more sure that the guy is gay.
Yes, it SUCKS when you have feelings for someone but they don't return those feelings. I would bet that almost everyone has felt this way before. It sucks. It's hard to get over. But meeting other guys is a great way to get over it!
 
All of your imput is sensible, and I do not disagree with much any of it, but he will be "the one that got away" as Beachcat referenced IF I do nothing, or fail at seducing him, or even making him fall in love with me. As I said, it is sound advice - to meet other guys who might share a mutual attraction, yet this is more than raw sexual attraction, and, in fact, there is little of that in my sentiment. My feelings are predominantly romantic, without much sexuality. I long to be with him - just with him doing whatever, wherever. There is something of him unlike what I have ever found in near anyone else. Why would he attract me so, out of everyone I have ever laid eyes on or spoken a word to, if there weren't something to be made of it? I don't necessarily believe in a single soulmate, but I think certain people just go together exceptionally well. If I have this longing, is there not a chance he would respond to my advances as me, just me, if it were slow, perhaps, if it were with undertones and subtexts? Don't most of us have homosexual potential, but just lingering latently never to be outwardly expressed or even conciously known? Could I draw from him such a latent homosexuality? I know - there could be others whom I would adore, but he is, to me, so unique despite oddity, so virginal despite enjoying debauchery of sex and drugs, so calm, AND that he is - placid and tranquil. I would always wonder what could have been if I do not take the chance, but HOW do I take the chance? Masquerading was a thought, as I said, but I don't have to masquerade as a woman - another man, perhaps, or I could be just me. He was so nice to me, subtly nice, passively nice almost, kind, gentle, and he enjoyed my humor. At times, I swear he was almost teasing me, and do I hope he was, and I am not just recreating the past falsely. But, it seemed so - it really did. I am not to worried about the current relationship he is in, as I am guessing it will pass within a few months, before I have the ability to even pursue my interests, so I take that off the table of quandries, but the table is still too full.
 
im sure i will explore this more in the future but as for now im going to stay..friendly to my friend and nothing more cause saying anything would just make it awkward
and im determined to lose my first of everything with a girl :)
 
To be perfectly honest and clear I don't think you should do anything at all and I think you should start focusing on moving on from him right now. I know it's tough, but I do believe that's what needs to be done in cases like yours. Do NOT move to be closer to him, do NOT think about masquerading as someone else and if I were you i would not confess to him, unless you feel like you really couldn't live with yourself if you didn't but you will most likely end up more hurt. I personally believe there isn't such a thing as love between people who don't know each other in a romantic way (as Sartre said, 'there is only love that builds itself') - not at all belittling your feelings since I believe that about everyone yet everyone suffers from an unrequited 'crush', or however you want to call it, at some point. My point is, if people get over love (ie after painful breakups), and they do, they can get over these types of feelings with less difficulty. Not to say it won't be difficult, but it can be done and I'm sure you'll be able to do it and you'll be much happier afterwards and free to find someone who will be more fit for you.
 
Aww, I'm sorry Alex you are going through this. I have had crushes on completely unattainable people. It sucks, but it's life, and I do hope you find other outlets instead of obsessing over this guy. I don't think you should pursue it. Straight guys can be weird about this stuff, but he might know anyway. It's hard to keep yourself from being obvious when you have a crush on someone. :)

Thank about what you are saying: You want to trick him into thinking you're a woman. That's not good, my friend.

Just curious: Are you able to get out much? Hang with friends? Date around? When we sit alone, these thoughts can fester into unhealthy things. Being around other people can really help a lot.
 
i shouldve also added that im not gay. i do have a slight attraction to them..but id say its more of an 80/20 ratio. theres not alot of guys that i want to know forever but hes different. and i want to know him for a long time and see how he turns out.
its just that i could see the relationship with my friend (in my eyes at least) would be really cool.
:\
 
To answer your question, Lysis, it has been a long time since I have been able to get out really at all. But, things are such that I am now just beginning to get out, and I feel it could lead to good things - I do. I don't have many friends, though I am socially skilled, it seems I have chosen not to keep up or begin relationships with others than my family. I do spend MUCH time alone or with my immediate family, and I know that is not ideal for my well-being. So, I am happy I have the ability now to manifest a social life, and fully intend on doing so with little reservation, but I still think about this guy. This guy is just, well, the thought of him gives me feelings of a crisp late spring day with blue skys and white fluffy clouds, the scent of flowers, the clean air, a breeze maybe, green grass - like a childhood memory. The thought of him makes me feel that childish excitement, again, and it makes me feel like love. I've lost a lot of my family whom I was very close to, and I could see being close to this guy. Logically, it doesn't really fit too well, but in my heart it makes sense. I want comfort - I want the touch of another person, the explicit intimacy that I do not have with anyone, the connection, the helping him and him helping me, I want someone in my bed at night - to fall asleep with, and to wake up with - to feel his leg against mine in the middle of the night half-asleep. I want it so. And, I want to live a life full and rich with things to do, people to see, parties to attend, matters to organize, hobbies to enjoy, and I want to share it all with another. The moments of ecstatic elation, the moments of crisis, the moments of sadness - all of it - life with another, with him. I want to kiss him - just kiss him, and hold him, and have him hold me. It is not that much about sexual attraction, though it is there it doesn't matter as much as the other stuff - the romance, the wonder in life, the bonding. He enthralls me from afar. We don't talk anymore, not going to the same school. So, sometimes I do forget about him, but I much rather think about him, even if it causes longing. And, I do think about him very much. Nothing specific, really, just him - his being. The fact that he exists just makes me happy when I realize he really does, it wasn't just a dream, if you can understand. I would be open to a relationship with someone else, an intimate relationship of romance, yes, I would be open to it, but I just don't think it could ever be as fulfilling as what very, very unlikely, but possibly could be with this guy. I am open for love now, but like I said I have been a recluse, for all intents and purposes, and thus have not been able to have love - love in practice, only have I had once with someone else. I do hope I find a guy, or a guy finds me, with whom I could do it all - life. I really do, but the draw to this guy may never go away. Could I live with myself for not trying it? Sometimes I think so, others I don't. But, it is love. I know that.
 
just for lolz, as the story continues Alex000 tries to seduce said friend and said friend goes meh, If i wouldve fallen for this I would have kicked the shit outta you,hey how about you go see my friend MrKitty, He seems to be into this sort of trickery..... ;)

I have been in love with someone unobtainable before and it hurts, in your best interest you should try and move on before it hurts any more, good luck and take care, bro
 
Alex, I think the good thing is that from your posts, you seem to understand that what you are thinking is unhealthy, but the romantic in you wants to dream. You have to pull back the reins on that romantic side. :)

I get the feeling and desire to want intimacy, and really, to find someone who you fit with is not easy. But, if you don't allow yourself to let this person go and these desires go, you could inhibit the possibility of meeting someone who really *is* a fit. I've been through just about every breakup imaginable, and it's hard for someone to tell you that "yeah, you will meet someone else." But, every single time it's happened and I look back and kick myself for being stuck on someone for so long. This will happen to you when you meet someone who is just as much in love with you as you are with them. You will look back at these posts (we've actually had people do this and post!) and wonder what you were thinking.

You're gonna be ok. Just keep going out! Don't let yourself sit alone and allow your thoughts to manifest into unhealthy things.
 
I have a similar problem, I first met him 4/5 years ago and instantly befriended him. This felt so wrong so I thought I better come clean, I told him I was gay on Christmas day via a text message that said "Merry Xmas, I'm gay". At this point I'd known him for almost a year, nothing seemed to change after the message was sent. A few weeks later he told a girl that liked me that I liked her. I instantly came clean to her and told her I was gay and she was kind enough to share it with everyone. For about a year me and this guy grew closer and closer to the point where we were pretty much best friends. This was all fine, he was straight and at this point I had no reason to doubt that.

As I stayed round his more and more it was the little things that made me think there might be a chance he's bi or even curious. Things like him walking round in his boxers, playfighting (he's always end up pinned down when he could easily over-power me) he knows I'm gay so why is he this comfortable wearing next to nothing and having me ontop of him. Anyway, when there was no doubt and I was sure in my mind that he was 100% straight I had no problem with it, it wasn't worth risking the friendship but the moment there was the slightest doubt in my mind it destroyed me. He knows I like him (I'm not sure to what extent but it's blatantly obvious) . He's just to perfect, I told him how I feel in some pitiful attempt for him to reject me and give me a reason to dislike him so I could move on. He still acts exactly the same to this day and deep down I know the only way to get over him is not to see him but I can't bring myself to distance myself from him, he's just to good of a friend to let go.

Recently he stayed round mine and we were sat on my bed and he sent me a text saying "bored.......", to which I simply replied "blowjob". I didn't get a negative reaction but he giggled and it made me feel warm inside. Doesn't help the fact that whenever he does MDMA and isn't around me I get flooded with texts saying he needs to hug/cuddle me.

EDIT: Sorry for jacking your thread but trust me, it's easier when you know you have no chance with a guy and nothing will ever happen.
 
A straight guy doesn't text message a gay guy to cuddle. I don't care what drug he's on. I dunno if that dude is entirely straight. Straight guys don't wrestle around with gay dudes either.
 
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