Tude
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2011
- Messages
- 11,204
Exactly!
-
-
SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
In Love With A Straight Guy (Utterly Confused As To What To Do)
- Thread starter Alex000
- Start date
Exactly!
teological
Bluelighter
That guy that CZ likes sounds like he is enjoying the attention, or the affect he has on CZ?
I mean, no straight guy in their right mind would ever do the things you said he does...so say he is then a secret gay or bi. The question then arise on how did he last this long, without acting upon his secret desire whilst still sort of flirting with you?
I have a few questions, maybe we can unravel him...Does he act flirty in front of friends (mainly guy friends)? Does he try to sort of try to ignore you in public or with friends? Does he act differently when you are with others? Have you seen a stiffy in his boxer shorts whilst you are wrestling?
I mean, no straight guy in their right mind would ever do the things you said he does...so say he is then a secret gay or bi. The question then arise on how did he last this long, without acting upon his secret desire whilst still sort of flirting with you?
I have a few questions, maybe we can unravel him...Does he act flirty in front of friends (mainly guy friends)? Does he try to sort of try to ignore you in public or with friends? Does he act differently when you are with others? Have you seen a stiffy in his boxer shorts whilst you are wrestling?
Butterwood
Bluelighter
maybe he wants you to take the first step CZ.
does this kind of stuff still happen often when you guys hangout??
does this kind of stuff still happen often when you guys hangout??
Sorry for thread-jacking, this is just the first time I've ever really got a decent opinion on it.
There's so many small things that's happened, I'll mention a few more so you get more of an idea what's going on. Quite a lot of these experiences involve drug use (probably because I'm to scared about consequences when sober) and that makes me slightly more hesitant to make a `move` because I don't want him to feel taken advantage of. One situation was me and him hanging round at his house, ended up really bored, the rave we had planned to go totally fell through so we had MDMA on hand. Ended up doing it at his house (he had a free house) then got really bored and went on a bike ride as we started to come up. For the first leg of the bike ride we ended up holding hands and just generally giggling a fair bit. Ended up at a 24/7 Tesco, grabbed some food and headed straight back to his. We both ended up sleeping on the floor and I gradually made a small effort to spoon, he ended up rolling over to face me so we ended up sleeping with my arm round him and his head rested against my chest. Was a fun night, the next day a couple of people (who have prior noted a gay kid is staying round his an awful lot) made a sarcastic comment about us sleeping together. The comment wasn't made in a hurtful was but he made no effort to deny it. The person who made the comment was clearly insinuating that more had happened and he just let it fly, I was expecting him to outright deny it and had he done so I would have done the same.
Anyother example was we were at a friends and both drunk, we were sharing a blanket on the sofa so I thought I'd be cheeky and go fir the inside of his leg. After a minute or so with no response I stopped, he then proceeded to say fairly loud "carry on, that feels nice". That shocked me because we were in a room full of guys (who all know I'm gay). Same sort of thing happened once again when we were both on MDMA laying in a feild and I somehow ended up rubbing his chest (he pulled his t-shirt up and everything). I gradually went lower and lower and got down to his waist line at which point all he said was "boxers". I instantly backed off and stopped and I still kick myself because I could have been totally wrong, I assumed he meant "Whaaaooooooaaa get off" when it could have been the total opposite.
He also seems to have no problem being pretty much nude around me, there's be a couple of occasions where for one reason or another he's just ended up with no clothes on covering his parts with his hands. Last time this happened I simply said "You'll lose, why would this bother me one bit". At which point he proceeded to get changed. What makes things slightly worse is the standard of girls he's got with purely on the basis that "anythings better than a wank". I have to sit there and listen to him talk about who he has got with in the past and how un-attracted to them he is.
He acts so different when it's just me and him, he doesn't avoid me in public and always finds it funny to make the odd gay remark or spark up a conversation on the subject. I've never noticed anything going on in his boxer shorts whilst play fighting but it wouldn't surprise me if he noticed something. Last time this happened he actually had me pinned so I though't it'd be funny just to grab his dick :D:D
One other thing that's strange is his mum actually picked up on something, twice now I've been round and she's brought up his sexuality. The first he mentioned we were going to gay pride and she made a remark then asked if he was gay, at which point he simply told her I was and didn't actually deny anything. The second time this happened (4/5 months later) she brought up him never having girls round but me coming over a fair bit, he seems to go pretty awkward and dodge the question. What I don't get is that if he is into me why doesn't he just make a move, he can't really expect me to make a move without actually knowing for sure.
Lysis
Bluelighter
^^ That dude is NOT straight.
I'm actually curious. Why do you think he's straight?
This is coming from a straight chick, but I'm wondering if he's waiting for you to make the move because he's unsure of himself? How old are you guys? Is he a virgin? The reason I ask is because no matter if you're straight or gay, you have no idea what to do on your first time.
I'm actually curious. Why do you think he's straight?
This is coming from a straight chick, but I'm wondering if he's waiting for you to make the move because he's unsure of himself? How old are you guys? Is he a virgin? The reason I ask is because no matter if you're straight or gay, you have no idea what to do on your first time.
I'm 20, he's 17. I actually waited till he was over 16 before trying anything because of the age difference. The first time I made a real move was after a very messy night at a festival. It actually felt like I couldn't stop myself and I wasn't thinking about what I was doing. Had it not been for the 5+ people that were also sleeping in the tent I think it may have gone further than me getting my hand down his trousers and having a feel of his ... hip. All he did then was simply roll over to face me and move my arm away. He's slept with girls before (as have I) and I've fooled around with guys once or twice.
I don't really know why I think he's straight, in all honestly it's probably me trying to make an excuse or find a reason as to why nothings happened. Just recently while I had a free house he stayed round for 4/5 days, the agreement was he could stay if he cooked a meal every night. (He could have stayed no-matter what)
We also talk a fair bit on facebook and the number of times things have been said in chat, always in a friendly/joking around context. It's annoying me that the only one I can remember is the most recent one where he brought up all our friends being in relationships and said "shall we just become a couple". To which I said something like "You wouldn't accept my relationship request, you don't have the balls
" Then he replied "I can't go doing that, everyone already thinks I'm gay.".
I don't really know why I think he's straight, in all honestly it's probably me trying to make an excuse or find a reason as to why nothings happened. Just recently while I had a free house he stayed round for 4/5 days, the agreement was he could stay if he cooked a meal every night. (He could have stayed no-matter what)
We also talk a fair bit on facebook and the number of times things have been said in chat, always in a friendly/joking around context. It's annoying me that the only one I can remember is the most recent one where he brought up all our friends being in relationships and said "shall we just become a couple". To which I said something like "You wouldn't accept my relationship request, you don't have the balls
" Then he replied "I can't go doing that, everyone already thinks I'm gay.".
Lysis
Bluelighter
oooooh, 17, yeah. I mean, I'm a straight girl so it's out of my realm, but even at 17 (I lost my virginity at 17) I had no idea what I was doing or what to do. I was really shy too, so it took someone with experience to bring me out. I imagine as a gay guy who hasn't come out, it's a hell of a lot harder to take that final step into your sexuality.
But, what you describe is not the actions of a straight guy. Straight guys get very defensive when things start to get into that gay zone. You would have been told emphatically NO and he would not talk to you if he was straight. I have no doubt about that. For straight guys, there is a fine line between being friends with a gay dude and allowing them to go down their pants. Straight guys are friendly with gays, but they are not super friendly like that.
But, what you describe is not the actions of a straight guy. Straight guys get very defensive when things start to get into that gay zone. You would have been told emphatically NO and he would not talk to you if he was straight. I have no doubt about that. For straight guys, there is a fine line between being friends with a gay dude and allowing them to go down their pants. Straight guys are friendly with gays, but they are not super friendly like that.
Doesn't help that I just don't know how to make a move. What if for some reason he's just being over friendly and I make a move and totally mess up the `trust`?
Mel22
Bluelight Crew
^ You've already crossed that bridge once. Even if he's not into you, he certainly knows by now that you're into him.
Butterwood
Bluelighter
woww if my friend was this 'trustworthy' idk wtf id do either
helium-4
Bluelight Crew
As a straight guy with queer related sexuality, I'd be rather put off if any of my gay friends did such a thing like this. It would destroy the relationship. I don't mind if someone has feelings for me, but any sort of crazy act like described in the OP would be ridiculous. I'd likely politely tell him to go home, and please never call me again. That would suck for me as well, because (if we are actually talking about the gay friends I do have), I really do appreciate the friendship with them. Also, if you are really their friend, you have to understand that they are currently in a relationship. If he wants to be in that relationship, you need stay out of it.
Like the others have said, find someone who is gay or bisexual, and put yourself out there. Dwelling on this will not make it go away. Getting involved in local people who are actually willing to be in a homosexual relationship, as well as not currently in a relationship is a healthy thing to do.
Like the others have said, find someone who is gay or bisexual, and put yourself out there. Dwelling on this will not make it go away. Getting involved in local people who are actually willing to be in a homosexual relationship, as well as not currently in a relationship is a healthy thing to do.
helium-4
Bluelight Crew
That's a broad generalization. I have gay friends who are very openly gay and get in to wrestling matches fights/etc. with the rest of my crew of friends. He knows we aren't gay, so he wouldn't attempt sexual when we are just beating the shit out of each other. So don't go judging so quick. Also, its MDMA we are talking about here. Wanting to be close, hugging, etc. on MDMA doesn't imply there is anything sexual.
posts that try and identify john doe's sexuality from a few lines of texts on the internet is retarded. You don't know the guy, you don't know the situation, you don't know if hes 100% hetero, or if he actually had some homosexual desire (or small urge to experiment that may be fleeting thing), so IMO don't even bother try to pretend you have a clue about that guys sexuality.
That is straight bullshit, stop making generalizations for how a straight man will act. Also he clearly didn't let him go down the pants because he said "BOXERS". Every other attempt at initiating sexual activity he shut it down. He clearly valued the friendship, and didn't want to mess it up by freaking out. Once again you have no idea how all straight men act around gay friends. Some of my good friends are gay, yet I don't care if they see me walking around in my boxers, fuck I don't care if anyone sees me walking around in my boxers (I'll chill at my house smoking bowls with good friends while in my boxers). I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality and the friendships I have with the people around me to not have to act defensive or all concerned about how I act when there is a gay person around. I also, show intimacy with my straight friends. I hug them, I tell them I love them, etc. I don't do anything sexual, but I'm not so insecure about who I am that I have to be careful about how I interact with those around me.
Generalizations are stupid and shouldn't be used when it comes to serious shit like this. It can result in ruining friendships or worse.
Last edited:
B1tO'RoughJack
Bluelighter
The masquerading idea is ridiculous Alex.
It's an infatuation, it may be based on something real BUT you haven't seen him or spoken to him for years - maybe the energy was right back then, it may be now, but most of this is all fantasy built up in your head!
You will have to exorcise this fantastical demon by actually being social with him - send him an email, see how he is doing and rekindle some kind of relationship. Then maybe you will get to see him sometime in the oncoming months/years, see how things are, see how you feel, and most of all get real confirmation as to whether you are in love or just infatuated and obsessing - it sounds like obsessing from what you have said, try to put him out of your mind, but if he comes into your life take it as a sign to see where you can take it - seriously, if he is straight you have no chance, but if he is bi then hey if you play your cards right over a long period of time, and only think about love not lust, then by playing the slow game you may get what you want.
But first I would severely suggest evaluating why you want him, what it is about him exactly - list the things, and then leave it alone. Get on with your life, and if his name pops up on facebook (I would suggest changing your subscription settings to "only important", and stop looking at his bloody page!), send him a short enquiring message about how his life is going.
CZ - this dude is playing with your emotions, but probably not intentionally - you are just letting it get to you as you have a crush on him.
Tell him, I'm sure something romantic could easily happen between you guys (if he is bi) at any rate, even if it's very messy. He is probably just scared to take any real homosexual "first steps". Either take them for him, or tell him how his actions make you feel, then see if he makes the first move or backs off.
Either way he will value you being honest with him, and adjust his behaviour accordingly, if his intentions are honourable.
It's an infatuation, it may be based on something real BUT you haven't seen him or spoken to him for years - maybe the energy was right back then, it may be now, but most of this is all fantasy built up in your head!
You will have to exorcise this fantastical demon by actually being social with him - send him an email, see how he is doing and rekindle some kind of relationship. Then maybe you will get to see him sometime in the oncoming months/years, see how things are, see how you feel, and most of all get real confirmation as to whether you are in love or just infatuated and obsessing - it sounds like obsessing from what you have said, try to put him out of your mind, but if he comes into your life take it as a sign to see where you can take it - seriously, if he is straight you have no chance, but if he is bi then hey if you play your cards right over a long period of time, and only think about love not lust, then by playing the slow game you may get what you want.
But first I would severely suggest evaluating why you want him, what it is about him exactly - list the things, and then leave it alone. Get on with your life, and if his name pops up on facebook (I would suggest changing your subscription settings to "only important", and stop looking at his bloody page!), send him a short enquiring message about how his life is going.
CZ - this dude is playing with your emotions, but probably not intentionally - you are just letting it get to you as you have a crush on him.
Tell him, I'm sure something romantic could easily happen between you guys (if he is bi) at any rate, even if it's very messy. He is probably just scared to take any real homosexual "first steps". Either take them for him, or tell him how his actions make you feel, then see if he makes the first move or backs off.
Either way he will value you being honest with him, and adjust his behaviour accordingly, if his intentions are honourable.
Last edited:
Thanks for the reply, in all honesty I think I'll probably just leave it as it is for the time being. If I get a chance to make a move or it just feels right I'll probably go for it but make sure he has a chance to polity tell me to get lost if he's not interested. Hopefully it won't ruin anything because I won't go `diving in`. Both the prior times were awful situations with other people around.
Lysis
Bluelighter
lol I knew someone would say "nah man that's a generalization.' Ha! I ain't budging on that one. Straight men do not do this shit. The dude is gay or bi and just unsure of himself. Ain't no fucking way a straight dude would do that shit. You are the .0000000000001% my friend, so the generalization stands.
Tude
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2011
- Messages
- 11,204
Seconded.
Lysis
Bluelighter
^ Yeah, you can't tell me that a totally straight guy calls up a gay friend and says "Let's cuddle" or holds hands with him while riding in the park? LOL Yeah, fuck that. Ain't budging on that generalization. Not gonna happen.
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
It's not uncommon for straight men to hold hands in countries like India.
Your generalizations may be true for men in the United States, but it may not reflect accurately among men of the entire world.
If a guy and a girl are holding hands, does it mean a sexual thing? Couldn't it just be two friends holding hands?
If I had a female relative crying, I would hold her hand and tell her it's going to be OK. This would obviously have no sexual connotation.
Lysis
Bluelighter
LOL We're talking about a dude in the US, no? European? I don't think this guy is Indian.
haha I love the new age idealistic thinking. No, a dude is not holding hands with a chick he has no interest in. Sorry, no.
Relative? Apples and oranges, my friend.
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
The next time someone touches my hand I'll remember to tell them I'm not into them, and then proceeded to act like I've been sexually assaulted.