IforgotwhoIam
Greenlighter
- Joined
- May 28, 2018
- Messages
- 1
Hello, I've been reading on this site I don't know since about 2004-2005 I think. My social anxiety and OCD is so bad posting this is like being broadcast on television and everyone is observing every letter I write and scrutinizing all these words back to back every syllable every letter, laughing behind their PC's at the non-coherent thoughts of the insecure madman(yes I'm severely mentally Ill, if some compassionate people say go to therapy, and get on medication I have been for 13 years, but It is very kind regardless) .... I haven't posted anything online in years for fear of well yea so here it goes, sorry for this off topic part helps ease into it.
Before I registered I looked it up. some people do write why do opiates/opiods not affect them, but I feel my story is a little different and couldn't figure it exactly out through other posts. I've shot dope about 12 times(gotten it from about 6 different dealers) with other junkies, sometimes alone, and while everyone gets jammed I just feel a tiny bit of warmth the smallest bit along with nodding and itching. No rush, ZERO euphoria,or comfort accompany the nodding and itching.
Last week I had a hefty amount of European Oxycontin's(first opiods in prob 5 years) and after the 4th day I took 400mg with no feeling(guess I was fed up), not even nodding at that point but much itching(I worked my dose slowly over the days to avoid returning to that which I came) I'm not advising that dose to someone who is opiate naive(which I was, hadn't used in year's) I'm just desperately looking for answers from anyone. Speaking of that I've OD'd on heroin 3 times because I just wanted to feel euphoria, and thought if I just kept going and going it would greet me. I didn't know that was all my body could handle, and block the effects.
It's like the effect is so mildly there, and I mean so mildly I can feel just a smidge of warmth but It leaves me wanting more. It happens with all opiates. The people replying to other posts about this said "why not stop while your ahead, If it has no effect whats the point? consider yourself lucky, or oh it must be your tolerance" but It doesn't stop me really for one reason or two reasons. 12 years ago I took a hydrocodone(forget the dose,was typical for my size) and it was like 50 times better than any opiate/oid I felt like I was surrounded by clouds and the consciousness of the beautiful warmth of being in my mothers womb, with comfort and bliss exactly like what I'm looking for now.
After that experience(It actually happened one more time with a percocet same year though) I can only imagine how strong heroin is if my body was being normal. I'm guessing if any one responds I will be asked what meds I am on and yea that might be part of the problem the literature shows some proof and some/many anecdotal experiences, but I can't rap my head around that for two reasons. 1. I've been on all SSRI/SSNRI(sp?)/TCA/some MAOI's for 12/13 years, so I just said yea it's the drugs, but when I went off them for years I tried to use opiates and the SAME thing happened! I can't understand it I would say im CYPD26(I think that's the one) deficient but than why have
I felt the "true" beauty of an opiate a few times in my life.
I'm horrible with paragraphs can't even understand when to use them..... Thanks for listening and hopefully successfully following this though. Any information and knowledge is appreciated. By the way those European Oxycontin were very legit, the ones you can still smash up and pick your poison with the ROA, they all work had the few people I know try some, point is they were legit. This also happens with PST in doses of 400-around- 800 no warmth just some itching(again when theirs no tolerance too) Thanks again guys. Let me know what/if rules I broke I tried to read everything.
Before I registered I looked it up. some people do write why do opiates/opiods not affect them, but I feel my story is a little different and couldn't figure it exactly out through other posts. I've shot dope about 12 times(gotten it from about 6 different dealers) with other junkies, sometimes alone, and while everyone gets jammed I just feel a tiny bit of warmth the smallest bit along with nodding and itching. No rush, ZERO euphoria,or comfort accompany the nodding and itching.
Last week I had a hefty amount of European Oxycontin's(first opiods in prob 5 years) and after the 4th day I took 400mg with no feeling(guess I was fed up), not even nodding at that point but much itching(I worked my dose slowly over the days to avoid returning to that which I came) I'm not advising that dose to someone who is opiate naive(which I was, hadn't used in year's) I'm just desperately looking for answers from anyone. Speaking of that I've OD'd on heroin 3 times because I just wanted to feel euphoria, and thought if I just kept going and going it would greet me. I didn't know that was all my body could handle, and block the effects.
It's like the effect is so mildly there, and I mean so mildly I can feel just a smidge of warmth but It leaves me wanting more. It happens with all opiates. The people replying to other posts about this said "why not stop while your ahead, If it has no effect whats the point? consider yourself lucky, or oh it must be your tolerance" but It doesn't stop me really for one reason or two reasons. 12 years ago I took a hydrocodone(forget the dose,was typical for my size) and it was like 50 times better than any opiate/oid I felt like I was surrounded by clouds and the consciousness of the beautiful warmth of being in my mothers womb, with comfort and bliss exactly like what I'm looking for now.
After that experience(It actually happened one more time with a percocet same year though) I can only imagine how strong heroin is if my body was being normal. I'm guessing if any one responds I will be asked what meds I am on and yea that might be part of the problem the literature shows some proof and some/many anecdotal experiences, but I can't rap my head around that for two reasons. 1. I've been on all SSRI/SSNRI(sp?)/TCA/some MAOI's for 12/13 years, so I just said yea it's the drugs, but when I went off them for years I tried to use opiates and the SAME thing happened! I can't understand it I would say im CYPD26(I think that's the one) deficient but than why have
I felt the "true" beauty of an opiate a few times in my life.
I'm horrible with paragraphs can't even understand when to use them..... Thanks for listening and hopefully successfully following this though. Any information and knowledge is appreciated. By the way those European Oxycontin were very legit, the ones you can still smash up and pick your poison with the ROA, they all work had the few people I know try some, point is they were legit. This also happens with PST in doses of 400-around- 800 no warmth just some itching(again when theirs no tolerance too) Thanks again guys. Let me know what/if rules I broke I tried to read everything.
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