I'm weird, are you weird too?

[Depressicaa]

Thanks for all your replies! I read every one of them.
I may sound like an addict, but I don't think I am. I didn't plan on redosing it anyways for a while.

I more regularly take Adderall, but I don't take psychedelics as much, but I think its had a permanent change in the way I perceive things.

Devin, what do you mean by focus?

sjlo, what kind of views do you have?

 

[Roger&Me]

I don't feel crazy, I am crazy.

You don't sound crazy to me, man. Perhaps a bit eccentric and troubled, but that doesn't make you crazy.

IMHO, you will feel more sane if you stop taking so much amphetamine.

 

[Chi-Blast]

Your taking this way to far, he is spacing out his dosing by weeks as he said by his last post.

All he is is a little eccentric as we all are, no need to jump on his bones and call him a 2c-e addict

To answer the question, yes I am also crazy but that is only because my whole sense of reality could and could not be has been warped so drastically I am in constant state of confusion. (I am not complaining though )

Oh, I wasn't trying to make a personal attack, all I said was that he MAY be developing some type of mental dependence to 2c-e. And I stand by my opinion.


"Its not like a drug I can take everyday (okay it is), but I think it loses its impact, which is why I didn't take any more today. 1 week should be good enough you think?"

To me it didn't sound like he was spacing out his dosages enough. Between amphetamine and excessive 2c-e use he definitely COULD be developing psychosis. I posted a link for him to read up on, because it definitely helps to have some knowledge of side effects.

I'm talking harm reduction, not personal attacks.

A good long break can only help.

 

[Depressicaa]

You're right Roger, it gives me poor sleep and the only way to continue to act as I do you can only take more. Of course this cycle creates more than a few problems.

chi-blast, I live in Chicago too (not Chicagoland lol)!
I didn't take it as a personal attack, you are trying to benefit me, and I really did enjoy your comment. Thanks for thinking about me! How long should I break for?

citysmog, you too, thanks for defending me, I don't think I'm an addict but I'm open to the idea I am, confusion sounds extremely fun, I love not feeling in control but leading to a nice place, like a box of drugs, a girl who smiles whenever she sees you, haha I don't know how it is for you.

I might not be stupid crazy but I'm eccentric, I can't take anything serious anymore. It feels like life is a huge joke and the parts that I am not good at feel like me standing in front of a basketball court and I make half ass shots and never made it in, but laugh or smile afterwards feeling like a loser and hoping my teammates will help me, but they are too busy making out with the girls on the bench. Thats something that should be changed immediately. The parts I am good at I feel like some I am that smiling behemoth whose world you just entered, and I direct your activity through my maze.

 

[Grong]

To be honest, it sounds like you crave attention, and most people naturally do not like outright attention-seekers. Maybe because it makes them look selfish, or unindependent; someone to go on and on about one's self isn't weird, but has some self-esteem issues maybe?

Maybe focus on spending time alone and figuring yourself out; asking someone else to do that for you just makes this seem even worse.

 

[Chi-Blast]

I would say just take a break from the 2c-e and amphetamines for at least a month, but hold out longer if you can. When you come back, you might be surprised how strong the effects of 2c-e are. It may even make you WANT to wait longer so you can experience the magic everytime rather than chasing it weekly.

Smoke some bud and sort out your problems in the meantime.

 

[Ralt]

I would say that I do feel crazy, but I have always felt crazy, and find that everyone else is fucking nuts with me. I'm not kidding when I say I haven't met one "normal" person my entire fucking life. The idea of normal people is completely made up, it's an idea, nothing more. Even the most homebody, suburban dwelling, do everything by the book person, is goddamn fucking weird when you really get to know them.

I find there are just people who keep the insanity in their head, and those who actually talk about it. If there isn't someone who hasn't been driven utterly mad by this world, I'd really like to meet them, because I'd think they're nuts for being so oblivious.

 

[Depressicaa]

Unforunately I don't like weed. I will definitely space it out more, but I think it has cross tolerance with amphetamines so I will have to quit those as well. I'm not exactly sure, but I haven't had mind blowing visuals using it, ever.

I do crave attention, and I have a lot of issues with myself, not sure, I don't think self esteem is one, at least for now. I'm not happy with who I am, but I don't really dislike myself, but its still super hard to strike up a conversation with random people. I'm pretty much alone all the time anyways, contributes to my oddness. The psychedelics brought it all out though.

Ralt, its what I'm thinking everyone is subconsciously, just look at their cell phone, their iPod or their computer, you'll find something weird in everyone's!

 

[bluffythefluffy]

What you are describing, the basketball analogy especially, does not sound weird or eccentric, and it certainly isn't insane.

It might be wise to abstain from psychedelics for a month or two, just to gather more evidence about your own mind. It's funny actually, as I tend to think that I am "tripping" all the time, as for me a trip is simply the exploration of reality/the universe/the mind.

I would caution against thinking of your experience(s) of reality as being somehow "weird". We all have certain strengths and certain weaknesses, same for fears and joys, etc.

The "world" is far too infinite to be knowable, and as such our role in it is a bit confusing to say the least.

Also, Chicago is awesome.

 

[Depressicaa]

Yup, like an armchair professor! The fat health instructor. The guy on the bus who still uses a tape player (not really this one just think its funny).

I put a lot of time into thinking about that, I just used it since I can't play basketball. My friend told me he is making a three goal a day thing. I should start with one...

I commented about how awful it is that technology changes the world to make it so much more efficient, yet here we are with more problems than ever. Now we are burdened with even more work, I have even grown to hate relaxation. Its odd that I am so chill in my car, I really do want to relax, but its so har- no its not, I'm trolling myself.

 

[Med Head]

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. Let your freak flag fly bro.

 

[McTwist]

I understand where you're coming from when you say that you understand your problems when you're tripping, but once you've come down you don't take any measures to actually fix or confront the issues. It definitely has happened to me before. It's really easy to say you're going to do something and then not do it. Happens to me all of the time, though I do take steps to overcome them and am slowly working through my normal inwardness by focusing a little more outward (along with healthy diet and exercise, quality of schoolwork, etc). It seems to be working...I realized that eating lots of LSD has made me more of a participant observer, rather than a silly kid losing his inhibitions. At first it was like that, but now it's become more of a hindrance, so I've stopped (but am dosing lightly for a show tomorrow). =]

I also kind of understand when you talk about technology and quality of communication between people, how it's on the decline/people being consumed by materials/etc/etc/etc. I think of the book Fahrenheit 451 (and constantly am I able to recognize aspects of that book in our society, I just can't help it). Modes of thinking like this are great when the time is right, but is social suicide at others like at a party...except when you connect with that one other person who is on your wavelength and you release your feelings, then it's all gravy.

I think a lot of the time too, right through people or situations, thoughts that some would have a hard time connecting with. It depends on my mood I suppose. Sometimes I have a hard time talking to random people, other times I communicate freely and pleasurably as the conversation flows naturally. It's all about attitude really. I know I'm crazy so why should I care if other people think I'm a fool cause of the things I do and say? Tomorrow night should be interesting; it'll either end with me going wild and having a blast or end as an average "coulda-made-it-a-better-night" type o' deal. I guess it's all about doing your thing, so brace your eccentricities and open yourself to the world! 8(

 

[rmx]

i am very weird :D

 

[Depressicaa]

Yes, its quite odd how strange all are isn't it? Oh life is calling again... I haven't eaten until recently. I ought to change my activities...

 

[n3ophy7e]

I just want to use it to sort out my problems.

In my opinion you can't expect a drug to help solve your problems. If you're thinking that your mind will suddenly be more clear when you take 2C-E and your problems will start to unravel, it's just not going to happen that way.

I've had two major therapeutic experiences with psychedelics:

1. About a year ago I did a solo LSD trip (medium dose) during which I meditated about my drinking problem. I planned the entire trip very carefully before tripping, right down to even having a brief written list of points that I wanted to think about at some point during the trip. I made sure I had activities to do that would be enriching, e.g. drawing. For most of the trip I actually just lay down in the sun in my backyard with my eyes closed and followed the visuals through my mind.
It was an extremely therapeutic trip, I didn't drink for a couple of weeks afterwards (that's a very long time for me) and came to terms with a lot of things about myself and my life that were previously unclear.

2. A few weeks ago I was really stressed about pretty much everything in my life. I took a weekend off with a few mates and we went to an outdoor psytrance party (here in Australia we call them bush doofs ). I was hesitant about tripping when I was so stressed but once the trip was on its way, I just went with it and it turned out to be one of the most sublime trips of my life. It was really peaceful and light-hearted and fun, and the very next Monday afterwards I worked on reducing/cutting out some of the big stressors in my life. That trip was also immensely helpful to me even though I wasn't necessarily planning for it to be. But it wasn't so much that I'd thought about my problems and come up with solutions during the trip, but moreso that I'd had a good time and relaxed enough so that I was more able to tackle my problems after the trip was over.

Maybe after reading that you might have a few ideas of how psychedelics could help you? Although I have to say Depressicaa, if you ever suffer from paranoia or anxiety during your trip, or if you ever get depressed after tripping, it's probably not wise to try and use psychs for therapeutic purposes, if at all. There's too much risk for the trip to go bad, which will be completely counterproductive for what you intended it to do! Just be careful


OH! And yes I'm weird :D
Not loopy.
Just a bit crazy.

But aren't we all?

 

[Depressicaa]

Thank you so much for your well thought out and extremely carefully written post! I previously had looked through photo albums of myself and my family and started crying. My mom is such a bitch but she doesn't meant to be, she is kind hearted but does awful things trying to 'help'. My dad was just stoic the whole time, but hey times have changed, no not really. I must leave this area soon though, it is toxic to me.

Unfortunately for me, what you say is correct. It isn't difficult, but I have just been habituated to my awful environment that I haven't really changed very much. It isn't difficult, to change but I will have to stop some of my destructive habits. It is fairly upsettting to me that I don't get that 'reset' anymore. I thought I beat depression and anxiety, but it just goes away for a bit.

Are you sure about the bad trips? I always enjoy psychedelics no matter what the experience is, I haven't had a bad trip for a while. I should really go and clean my room...

 

[n3ophy7e]

I thought I beat depression and anxiety, but it just goes away for a bit.

Yeah man, in my experience with depression (throughout various phases of my whole life) it's rare that someone actually BEATS depression forever. It does in fact come and go throughout one's lifetime, for a multitude of reasons. But what you can do is learn and practice better techniques for dealing with depression/anxiety, and use more effective coping mechanisms each time that it comes around

Are you sure about the bad trips?

No I'm definitely not sure about the bad trips thing, one can never be 100% sure about stuff like that. The brain is too complex to be able to solidly predict whether it's going to react in certain ways all the time. Know what I mean? But even if our brain reacts in an unexpected way, e.g. a bad trip, we can still have control over it

 

[Thorns Have Roses]

Well like you said, psychs change the way we perceive the world inevitably. This caused me to withdraw into my mind over time. So I had to eventually slowly train myself to direct my everyday focus on exterior matters (responsibilities in school, family) rather than things I could dwell on in my mind all day.

Does that make sense?

I rather like living in my own head, and the drugs let me experience a larger, more dynamic spectrum of emotions whilst in that world of abstract concepts and fantasy than I would normally be able to. It's not always the best for my mental/emotional health I admit, but I've grown accustomed to it over the years. (Given all that it's not too surprising that dissociatives are my favorite...)

 

[nearjat]

Listen to "The Dive" Parts 1 and 2 by Eyedea. It's the same problem, and the solution

"I felt myself falling to madness so I dove, the best thing I ever did was let go"

"Fear feeds the derangement of the inner eye"

 

[Liquid Sunshine]

Half of being a traveler is learning how to navigate. It sounds like you know how to get your ship sailing but you get lost in the middle of the sea. Alternatively, you can always find some bitchin' island, build a fort, and make a sign that says "NO NORMAL PEOPLE" in Sumerian.