• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Im suicidal...

G

goku4ever

Bluelighter
Joined
May 13, 2010
Messages
461
Location
Bristol
Ive been on Cipralex (Escitalopram) for nearly 3 weeks, first week for 5mg a day, then 10mg a day.
I thought I was getting better apart from 2 days where I was borderline suicidal last week. But then friday evening I took a turn for the worse.
Im hypersensitive to everything. Little things which shouldn't bother me absolutelty tear me apart inside, like my friend split up with her boyfriend and her calling another friend instead of me. I have a plan of how Im going to do it, I even know roughly when Im going to do it, though it isnt for a few weeks. I told a friend all this, but now shes told another friend and neither of them will speak to me. I feel so rejected and I can't talk to any friends about this in fear they will react the same way.
I am all alone.
I am going to the doctor tomorrow, tell him everything.

Basically, I made this topic because I want to know what to expect when I tell him when Im suicidal. Will I be sectioned, just taken off my anti-depressants put onto something else and be told to "hang in there" ? (I live in the UK)

Also, for a week up until the wednesday just gone I had been on MXE every day. Ive heard that MXE can have a rough few days after taking it, so maybe thats related. No other drugs though except alcohol, but my alcohol intake has been hardly anything.
 
Last edited:
OP, I wish you the best of luck with your appointments, and hope you find happiness soon as life is really worth living--Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but sometime soon, it will be. <3

Moving this to where you can get some better advice than that^. :P

Healthy Living ------> The Dark Side
 
you are doing the right thing so far.

dont let those "friends" get to you, i personally couldnt react the same way, and i would like to think you wouldnt either.

how long have you been seeing your doctor for?
the two examples you gave are possible, but stark polar opposites. give your medication some more time - although, it has been nearly a month you say, because of this, and your feelings becoming more overwhelming as of late, a different medication does sound needed...are you open to that?

it may take a few tries...but i dont know what is more worth it...people who do have a sense of compassion, and are sensitive in an empathetic way to their surroundings, may have a more difficult time sorting things out for themselves, as do i. when things do become more clear, and start to settle in a more manageable way, you will have this experience to grow with, and be a much stronger and wiser person as well.

id imagine you will also have some extra compassion towards others, knowing how reactions like that can lead others to feel. it doesnt have to be that way, and it is easily avoided on others part by just listening, and relating when possible.


allow this time to work for you, you dont have to work against it anymore.
please do come back & let us know how your appointment goes!
 
I oversimplified in saying they wont talk to me.
Its just one of them feels too overwhelmed by it and says she does not have the expertise nor emotional strength to deal with it and will do nothing but refer me to the samaritans, same for the other one.
Also, I thought I was close with her, but she just bluntly said I wasnt close to her and that is absolutely tearing me apart inside.
Ill reply to the rest of that post later as Im just off out.
 
Don't feel rejected by your friends. That is a heavy load for them and I know if a friend told me that I wouldn't know how to take it. They just don't want to make things worse for you and they know that words won't make it better. Just hang in there, antidepressants work in a weird way. It sounds to me like you know suicide isn't the answer for you and your trying to reach out. I know how it feels to reach out and be rejected but don't let it get you down. Hold in there and keep fighting for happiness.
 
Ive been seeing my doctor for a couple of months now I think. I am very open to a change of medication as long as it does something, I literally cannot go on the way I am.
These friends, I made them on another forum. The one who said she didnt feel close to me, Ive been speaking to her a lot for months, I confide in her and she confides in me. She knows all my fears, concerns, everything. I thought we were close, I thought we were friends, but then she turns around and says Im not close to her and now it makes me question every other relationship I have.
I made a few friends on this forum, and the other 3 either have or will be very soon meeting up with eachother and it leaves me feeling left out and I really do feel like Im below everyone else.
 
MXE is a research chemical.
I suggest you come off that for the time being, as you cant exactly be sure if thats making you worse or not,

Stay with us mate
Seriously, i was like this a month ago.
I have been self treating with ketamine only once a week, and now i have a job and everything is smooth .

Try not to think about things that might get you down, I know this is hard (as im OCD and suggested to be Bipolar as well )

Life is a gift. We might only live once, Sometimes its rough, sometimes it great.
Use this gift wisely, More Care, less Haste. I Hope these thoughts subside for you as they did for myself.
 
Last edited:
Yea, I don't have any plans to do any drugs for a while apart from the occasional bit of alcohol.
I just spoke to that friend I was on about earlier. Apparently I pushed her too far, with my telling her I wanted to commit suicide, so far that she called the samaritans herself and just can't deal with me.
She accused me of taking advantage of my friendship with her, and said I distrusted her.

I didn't really know what I could do, I just had to apologise and hoped we could start fresh when I got better. I hope thats the case, because I hate to think Ive lost her as a friend forever.
 
i think thats appalling that people act like that...

Someone really needs help when they say i want to commit suicide.
Whether it be a wakeup call. Ultimatium or a hug and a chat,
A friend should be there for someone....

When i was in difficulty i had one friend to talk to about it which really helped but it felt so bad that i couldnt even talk to some people i know about it, even though i was 100% serious and its what i wanted then.
 
I feel abandoned to say the least. And maybe I did have difficulty trusting her slightly, but that was the depression making me paranoid about everything, you know?
 
i think she must care for you as she does sound concerned, this something you need to work out, though, and grow from. none of this is easy - and i am willing to bet they will be there too when things start smoothing out for you.

these are the times where we are able to really get in touch with ourselves; ask yourself how far apart can the feelings of abandonment, and contentedness be ? how long can we be left behind, before we find a place of solitude ?



...
<3
 
I must say i've found that telling "friends" you're suicidal is terrible for the chemistry. They'll feel the need to walk on eggshells, they won't think you're fun to be around.
I feel like only people who are your support group, family and really close friends (hopefully of the same gender), should know about something like that. Casual acquaintances usually don't like to hear stuff like that unless they are exceptional people. I've had a few friendships ruined because I did that. Not that they were great friends to begin with.
most young people are useless when it comes to talking about stuff like this, completely useless.
If you are a guy and they are girls, and they aren't attracted to you, you have next to NO chance getting any help from them. Girls will support their wounded sisters, but guys are just creepy, weird, depressing, in the same spot. The world is full of painful double-standards. You have to accept the shittiness of the world, and constantly seek out the greatness of it as well, if you are going to survive and thrive. You should probably just not contact them at all, go and find new people. Girls just wanna feel good when they're with their friends, they want friends that make them laugh, that bring something to the table. Being in the spot you're in, you're almost incapable of bringing much to the table, and it's no one's fault really. I'm sorry to say.

But I think you need to find yourself, be alone for a while, but a productive, creative, mindful alone, not a sulking, drunken alone. That's helped me tons. Discover what it is that you bring to the table. Know well who you are, and why other people would want to be your friend. All this takes time and effort though, unlike getting high, but it's essential.

Also keep in mind that ITS JUST A DRUG making you feel this way. ITS JUST A DRUG. You absolutely have the power to get through this.

You probably need therapy, AKA not a psychiatrist (most of them are NOT therapists). I was in a psyche ward, and then put into an intensive outpatient group session, and that was ENORMOUS in my recovery. I'm not saying don't go to psychiatrists, but if you can just get a psychiatric nurse practitioner that's just as good, all they are is drug peddlers and they're all operating from the same diagnostic manual. I personally haven't met any good psychiatrists who are also good at talk therapy. Talk therapy is what you need. What makes you think some girls who just care about sex are gonna know how to talk to you? They have no clue. I hate instant messaging or texting in times like these, it's in person where all the reality is. You probably had all these convos with this chick over electronic means am I right? I think it's important to not contact her at all about how you're feeling. Don't remind her of your depression, but talk about the last convo you had and tell her where she was out of line, and own up to where you're out of line. DO NOT APOLOGIZE TO HER. It'd probably be best to not talk to her at all for a while though.

She's just a chick, one of billions, and she's quite obviously nothing special. Don't worry about her in the slightest, focus on yourself because it is from within that the best and most effective therapy comes. What do you think this chick could possibly say to make you feel better, short of "I want to have doggy style sex with you"? Seriously think about her personality (not for too long, don't dwell on it) and think about who she is, and why you guys were friends in the first place. Are you just trying to make a play for her? Subconsciously you might be. But that aside, what in her personality makes you think that she'd be any good at all to help you in this situation? Be honest with yourself about it
Just find any other girl if you want to have sex, but it's hard when you're feeling this way. It's not an attractive state to be in, believe me I know.

Do things to take your mind off everything about this situation this though. Hang out with friends, and just be friends, don't be doctor/patient. That's not a friendship dynamic.
 
Last edited:
Yea, I guess you're right. I just wanna point out though its not a sexual thing between me and her. Im 22 and shes almost 40. Shes been through depression when she was my age.
I don't have many (close) friends in real life, all I wanted was friendship.
I just feel closer to women and I want the kind of friendship women have with eachother you know? Men arent that close and I want closeness.
 
Last edited:
Oh, I was picturing some girl you were going to school with or something. How long have you known her?
I agree with feeling closer to women, but girls that are young tend to only trust gay guys in that way. They can't handle sexual tension really, not even a possibility of it.
 
If you tell a doctor or psychiatrist that you are suicidal they will schedule you - they will have you submitted (probably) involuntarily to a psychiatric hospital. They are obliged as per the duty of care applicable to fiduciary relationships.

Also, I think it's unreasonable to contemplate suicide if you're drinking and using RC's. These things fucks with mood big time. You need to give yourself a chance by staying sober for at least a few weeks.
 
^I agree with this, and like I said earlier, going to the psyche ward wasn't a bad thing at all for me. It was exactly what I needed. I had to get away from my day to day routine, I needed something drastic to get me on a better path.
 
By this afternoon rolled around I felt a bit better, I met up with a friend for lunch, we have a bit of a talk. Then I went to the doctor. I told him over the weekend I was feeling suicidal, but now I felt better. He said to stick with the cipralex for now and to definetly come to him if I get a bad period again.
 
^good

you just gotta keep busting at it:-)we have no other choice sometimes!


things get better, just as easy as they go to shit, i can see how this maybe sounds to be down playing things - but - there is no need to feel worse then we have to; "expect the worst & hope for the best". the moments ive had were i felt suicidal, are far past and now a memory i do not like...and after all this time knowing what i would of missed out on, is even more scary then dying.


- Keep Moving!
;-)
 
I would say I feel like Ive turned a bit of a corner, but Ive thought that about 3 times now and each one was followed by a sudden falling off a cliff soon after.

I have realised a couple of things. I probably did rely a little too much on these e-friends. I expected too much of them, which wasn't fair on them. After speaking to the friend I met with earlier, when I told her I was suicidal she said "do me a favour, next time you are like that, call me". Which made me realise, she is certainly a lot more equipped to deal with me.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top