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im scared to have sex (male)

L

lamchops

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 3, 2010
Messages
6
its not that im worried about my body or my size or whatever. the last few times ive had sex i could barely get it up, or when i do get it up it goes down quick, so i would always just end up having sex barely half hard, and the sex would just be bland and boring. so now i intentionally avoid situations in which it leads to sex cuz im scared i wont be able to get it up. and idk why i cant get it up.

it might be performance anxiety but idk because im not scared that i wont perform well, as a matter of fact im CONFIDENT ill perform well.. but if only i can get it up. by the way, i stay in good physical shape, dont do drugs, dont drink, and rarely smoke cigarettes
 
It sounds like performance anxiety to me, since you're nervous/anxious about the whole "What if I don't get hard?" factor.

Don't worry so much and just learn how to relax and enjoy sex, or do other things that you like sexually to the other person who you're having sex with until you get aroused.
 
I vote for performance anxiety as well. How comfortable are you with these women? Are they one night stands or girls you've known for a while and things have turned sexual? Also are you worried about contraception at all? With the last girl I was seeing she wasn't on the pill and this tended to play on the back of my mind. What about foreplay? Do you get hard if she goes down on you or is the issue on when its time for penetration? Another big one is how turned on are you by these girls? Maybe they just aren't enough to get your motor running?

Maybe have a drink or two before to help relax.
 
idk i've tried to relax and just let everything flow and be in the moment, but when i do try to relax, the problem at hand stays in the back of my mind cuz its like a reminder of why im tryin to relax.

i guess you can call them one night stands cuz we just hooked up for a night but i've known these girls from before, but not that long and not that well either. friends through friends kinda thing.

contraception never crosses my mind, i always wear a condom.

the problem comes during penetration. i get hard if she goes down on me but then begin to start gettin soft when she puts the condom on.

these girls are definitly good looking, like im clearly turned on but its as if my dick as no power
 
Take some viagra, it'll help you out the first couple times then you won't need it anymore
 
You just have to be comfortable with the girl and WANT to have sex with her. I remember trying to shag this girl a few times, and had problems getting it up. Turns out later that I realised I just didn't like her and it was a massive rebound thing.

It's massively important to be totally comfortable with her and that it's all happening naturally without any pressure.
 
yeah this could be one of those vicious cycle things. My friend went through this but it was all in his head and eventually worked itself out.
 
no its not the condom cuz im not blessed or anything.

ive never had any deep feelings for the girls ive had sex with, i never really truly liked them, i was just horny. like before i would hook up with them i would get excited and get that "yess, im about to get some pussy" kinda feeling, but then when it actually happened its a totally different story.

its definitly a vicious cycle, but idk how to get myself out of it.

oh and i'd love to try some viagra but i have no idea how to go upon getting it. my health insurance only covers hospital so i cant make any office visits with any doctors to get a sample or something
 
A little story (and yes I'm drunk). But I had this happen a few times with the last girl I was seeing. I think what it came down to was that I knew it wasn't a healthy position for me to be in, and I think subconsciously that my brain was telling my junk that by having sex with her I was just digging a bigger hole. Not sure if that's at all applicable but food for thought none the less.
 
yea pontifex what u said makes sense. im probably just not the type of guy that could just have random hookups. i mean one-night stands and gettin laid and all that sounds good in my head and probably nearly every guy's head, but when it comes down to it im probably the type of guy that needs that deeper emotional connection

well im just glad im not alone on this
 
Right on!

I know I am responding to this thread a long time after it was originally published but I wanted to add that what Pontifex said is entirely true. I think we are raised to believe as men that we should always just need to enjoy sex on a physical level. Not to mention that porn furthers this sort of thinking. I have also found that a lot of women, even the one's wishing that their man was more emotionally there, also think in this way. It is almost like a trap. If you ask for something with a little more substance then you treated as being weak, but if you don't then you never truly get what you want. Anyhow. I needed to read this sort of post today so thanks guys for discussing this a year ago. Any updates btw?
 
You wanna get your confidence back.... Go down on women. And work that. Now im not going in to 'technique' apart from work that clit well.

Beyond thats you have to learn, but even if you aint done it before, you will be learn, if she is moaning, go on, just be prepared to be down for a while, if you aint done it that often,

With time being able to give a woman orgasim after orgasim will get your confidence up very quickly..... when a girl has to stop you because she has cum so much...... you feel like a million dollars.

I actually prefer going down on girls i really like than having sex sometimes.
 
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