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I'm having a... describe your number 2s here!
- Thread starter YellowPolkaDotHalo
- Start date
VAC
Bluelighter
Hahahaha. I love little European Q's like that. My Russian mate from... Russia... Well, his mum was something just out of the border, but still very poor. We went to McDonalds when he finished his exams,a and he went mental at tomato sauce, saying it was forbidden, and was illegally imported, and he'd only ever tasted it once. He came back without about 50 dips. Was genuiney interested in what the police wanted with us, fucking around on a graveyard wall at 5am mephedrone'd off our tits.
Got back to ours, and he saw a snail for the first time in his life "OH MY GOD ANIMALS?!?!?!" *picked it up with such force it exploded everywhere* "what the hell guys? what was is?"
Wow. I have precious little knowledge of the World of Colostomy and and never considered the implications of gaseous emissions. I thank you for your entertaining insight into a world rarely glimpsed :D
For some reason it seems infinitely odder to be farting through an artificial anus than shitting through one. Although both are somewhat odd in their own ways I spose. I'd guess that tummy-toots don't have the same comedy sound effects as the more traditional bum'ole version? More a sigh of relief (and perhaps associated inner gurgle?) than the richly resounding reverberations of the rectal-raspberry I'd imagine. And surely not into the bag due to potential risk of explosion? My mind alive with questions and possibilities...
If it weren't for the fact it'd likely require some kinda deeply unpleasant incident to be c-bagged up, I must admit there is a faint appeal to the idea. I have a mortal fear (maybe "fear" isn't the right word - "repulsion" perhaps... no: "aversion" seems nearer, but I digress) of crapping in public toilets and - more of a potential issue - other peoples' toilets. And farting anywhere other people are in range of. As such, a c-bag definitly does hold some vague appeal. It's probably not something I'll set as a life goal or owt though tbh.
Have only known one fella with a c-bag. He also seemed to take great pleasure in the fact he no longer had to leave the barstool he more or less lived on to take a shit. You could tell by the slightly distant look in his eyes followed by glow of relief that came over him from time to time. Am amazed he could still stomach
D) sitting on a barstool under the circumstance. Was such an object which created the need for the c-bag. It really did rip him a new one... Incident occurred one drunken afternoon when he tried to use a barstool to stand on to get up into a mate's loft to check out his hydroponic set-up. The booze did its work and a minor misfooting resulted in the stool flipping over and one long, long, loooong barstool leg entering his anus with quite considerable force. One shouldn't laugh cos it damn near killed him... but as comedic accidents go a barstool up the jacksy takes some beating 
:DI can be quite gaseous at times (I have charcoal tablets from H&B for those times ) ... as a veggie, it's sometimes a problem tbh
I can imagine the bag exploding due to results from '1 girl, 2 bulbs' shenanigans.
if that were in a public place, it would have the potential for either mass destruction, due to methane content
... or something else, equally horrendous
) ... as a veggie, it's sometimes a problem tbhI can imagine the bag exploding due to results from '1 girl, 2 bulbs' shenanigans.
if that were in a public place, it would have the potential for either mass destruction, due to methane content
... or something else, equally horrendous
Mr Smokes Blunts.
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2009
- Messages
- 4,113
Wow. I have precious little knowledge of the World of Colostomy and and never considered the implications of gaseous emissions. I thank you for your entertaining insight into a world rarely glimpsed :D
For some reason it seems infinitely odder to be farting through an artificial anus than shitting through one. Although both are somewhat odd in their own ways I spose. I'd guess that tummy-toots don't have the same comedy sound effects as the more traditional bum'ole version? More a sigh of relief (and perhaps associated inner gurgle?) than the richly resounding reverberations of the rectal-raspberry I'd imagine. And surely not into the bag due to potential risk of explosion? My mind alive with questions and possibilities...
If it weren't for the fact it'd likely require some kinda deeply unpleasant incident to be c-bagged up, I must admit there is a faint appeal to the idea. I have a mortal fear (maybe "fear" isn't the right word - "repulsion" perhaps... no: "aversion" seems nearer, but I digress) of crapping in public toilets and - more of a potential issue - other peoples' toilets. And farting anywhere other people are in range of. As such, a c-bag definitly does hold some vague appeal. It's probably not something I'll set as a life goal or owt though tbh.
Have only known one fella with a c-bag. He also seemed to take great pleasure in the fact he no longer had to leave the barstool he more or less lived on to take a shit. You could tell by the slightly distant look in his eyes followed by glow of relief that came over him from time to time. Am amazed he could still stomach
Holy shit! I think I might get my arsehole sewn up post haste just so that can't happen lol. They have been hassling me to take out everything but half my small bowel for quite some time, and I keep telling them why would I do that? Have you seen how far medicine's come in the last half a century? No colon = no cure in the future, hands off my colon motherfuckers!
The farts from the colostomy are WAY worse than normal most of the time. Plus I don't know when they're coming, so they make me jump sometimes. When I first got it done I was like a cat when you drop something near it every single time it let one out. The sound ressonates very loudly, and you can't just let out a silent one. The fart goes into the bag, and you have to leak the farts if it starts getting a bit big and looking like it's going to burst. The farts also smell absolutely diabolical once they have been stored and condensed in the bag, because the charcoal filter lets out some of the actual air but seemingly none of the noxious gases, so what you get is like 5 farts in one.
I must admit it has increased my quality of life greatly though. I no longer have to deal with public toilets (like you say), which was an occurence i'd have to put up with maybe 3-5 times per day sometimes, and almost always the worst Trainspotting style toilets if I was at a pub or a gig or something. The bags have also come a long long way since the olden days when they'd just gaffa tape it on and pray. So the seal is as solid as a rock, so no leakage or anything. The weirdest thing of all is that I have found to keep the stoma open to a reasonable diameter I have to insert my finger right up into my stomach upto the knuckle every day, so I can properly have a feel around inside and my finger basically disappears into my stomach like a sci fi film. I am in 2 minds about getting a reversal done in the near future.
knock
Bluelighter
YellowPolkaDotHalo
Ex-Bluelighter
Film Club night at Bluntsie's :D
PS: Am lovin' the c-bag info, Me* EssBee. Really isn't a topic that comes up often - even less often that one may get to read actual user testimony. The stomach-pokey thing is truly awesome
PPS: Well, "awesome" is probably not be the word from your perspective but ya gotta find apsects of awesomeness in even the shittiest of hands life deals ya, I'm sure.
YellowPolkaDotHalo
Ex-Bluelighter
Film Club night at Bluntsie's :D
PS: Am lovin' the c-bag info, Me* EssBee. Really isn't a topic that comes up often - even less often that one may get to read actual user testimony. The stomach-pokey thing is truly awesome
PPS: Well, "awesome" is probably not be the word from your perspective but ya gotta find apsects of awesomeness in even the shittiest of hands life deals ya, I'm sure.
Your just being facetious now.
ffs.. trust you you twisted man. :D
Ya. I couldn't find the bit where he inserts a videotape into his tummyfanny in a timely enough fashion so went with that clip instead on the basis that most folks would probably get the reference. Will slap me own wrists for shoddy PooToob-searching skills 
(Am still working on cutting down on the poor taste poopypuns and stuff but whaddya expect to find in a shit-thread?)
(Am still working on cutting down on the poor taste poopypuns and stuff but whaddya expect to find in a shit-thread?)
knock
Bluelighter
I'm actually wanting a video of MSB's stomach-fingering, none of your cronenberg fiction.
YellowPolkaDotHalo
Ex-Bluelighter
tummy fanny!!!
Mr Smokes Blunts.
Ex-Bluelighter
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Film Club night at Bluntsie's :D
PS: Am lovin' the c-bag info, Me* EssBee. Really isn't a topic that comes up often - even less often that one may get to read actual user testimony. The stomach-pokey thing is truly awesome
PPS: Well, "awesome" is probably not be the word from your perspective but ya gotta find apsects of awesomeness in even the shittiest of hands life deals ya, I'm sure.
Most people seem to care when they get it done so much that no one at their place of work knows, some family members don't even know, and if they're asked they get quite insulted. I can't understand why though...
' I went out with MSB the other night.. we all got shit faced'
Haha
I was quite surprised it's not a fetish already to be honest. I did get a leaflet saying that if i'm gay not to let other men have sex with it hahaha. You could just do the magic trick where you bend your pinky in half and put it up against your stomach and you'd get the idea :D lol. I'm not liking the look of it at the moment, it's a bit sore. So when it's calmed down a bit i'll try and get a video up. The weird thing is I can't feel it working some of the time, so every so often a blob of shit will fall on my feet in the shower and I have to mash it down the plug hole and scrub my feet to death.
The worst was when i'd just had it done and I was getting driven back home so my family could look after me while I recovered. I thought the bottom of the bag was there just to open for more capacity, but no. I'd eaten a quadruple dose of laxative drink cus I was worried it hadn't produced in 24 hrs (which isn't actually a problem apparently), and it was full of what I lovingly call liquishit. So anyway, I opened what I thought was the spare capacity. The bag which was brimming with shit just exploded about a pint of shit all over my legs while we were driving down the motorway. I instantly started going mental (and wretching a bit), my dad almost crashed the car and started going mental. My wife handed me a big bunch of tissues so I wiped up a load and lobbed it out of the window. It splattered up against the side of my dads windows and the entire side of the car cus we were doing like 100 trying to get to the service station. Then I scooped up the rest in another big handful of tissues and threw it harder this time in an effort to get away from the car, and it got a direct hit on the car windshield behind us, and their window wipers went up and down smearing shit all over their windscreen LOL. Eventually we got to the next service station. I was obviously still fuming so I changed in my boxers in the car park in front of what must have been at least a dozen passers by screaming FOR FUCK SAKE FUCK FUCK FUCK. I scrubbed up well though, and it wasn't the disaster I thought it would be. It was definitely worth it just for the sheer humour of the situation. Laughing about it all the way home was difficult because when you've had anything done to your stomach you can't cough or laugh without it hurting, so I would laugh and cry at the same time from the pain. It was like being a sad clown. A sad clown covered in shit. Every time i'd stop laughing I would look up and see the shit on the window taunting me and reminding me of what had happened and the laughter and crying would start all over again.
O yeah, and a week later my dad was driving his friend around. "What's this on the seatbelt 'my dads name'?", "O, my sons shit. I thought i'd got all of it". :D:D:D
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knock
Bluelighter
thanks
Mr Smokes Blunts.
Ex-Bluelighter
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I just wish Watson was in the car so I could watch him open his door and do a tuck and roll to 'flee the scene'
Bwahahahahahahahahah... *heaves in lungfuls of air* ...ahahahahahahahahaha!!!
These tales of c-bag woe just get better and better, Mr SB
(or perhaps not... but you know what i mean, i'm sure)
I'd actually heard somewhere that people trying to use the new waste-disposal equipment to put their willies in was enough of a known risk factor to merit its own warning in the user's manual but thought it surely an urban myth. The fact that you've confirmed that it's no myth and really does get a specific warning for c-bag noobs has honestly made my day. If not my whole year :D
Best. Shit-thread. Ever.
These tales of c-bag woe just get better and better, Mr SB
(or perhaps not... but you know what i mean, i'm sure)
I'd actually heard somewhere that people trying to use the new waste-disposal equipment to put their willies in was enough of a known risk factor to merit its own warning in the user's manual but thought it surely an urban myth. The fact that you've confirmed that it's no myth and really does get a specific warning for c-bag noobs has honestly made my day. If not my whole year :D
Best. Shit-thread. Ever.
Mr Smokes Blunts.
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2009
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Yeah I read something on a forum after my operation about nurse treating a woman after getting gonorrhea in hers because she let a man off the internet come over and have sex with it LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
YellowPolkaDotHalo
Ex-Bluelighter
Men could do worse than stick it in a waste disposal unit/colostomy bag...sickly orange condiment etc etc i'm sure.
Meeeeeeee-owwww, Ms Dot :D
Also, gonorhhoea-infected colostomy bag?!? Now that really is pretty fuckin' twisted even by my standards. Jeebum sebum that's nasty. Oh to be a fly on the wall when she had to try to explain that to the nurse
Also, gonorhhoea-infected colostomy bag?!? Now that really is pretty fuckin' twisted even by my standards. Jeebum sebum that's nasty. Oh to be a fly on the wall when she had to try to explain that to the nurse
now you're just attention seeking .... and it worked godammit
seriously, just how good is Cronenberg?