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  • EADD Moderators: Shambles

I'm having a... describe your number 2s here!

Two bulbs on one pizza?? Have you not been following my pizza lessons marmz? Actually I know you have, you just never turned up for your slice the other night ya daftie.

PS voluminous <3
 
*titters at ladygirly pootz 'n' poopz talk*

No matter how often I've lived in places where wimminz also have to make plop-plop it's never lost its novelty value. Not even the occasional forays into the world of "scat art pr0n" (yes such a thing does exist) have totally convinced me that the sweeter-scented sex actually lay cable nor vent from the rear underfissure. I can just about accept they pass the occasional flowery-scented rabbit pellet (number one on the number twos chart). But even then it's more a vague acceptance that they'd pop if they didn't rather than fully-fledged understanding.

I have no objections or repulsions at the concept of ladygut expulsions... just categorise them in the "myths and legends" zone. Things that - like fairies and unicorns - may well exist but am unlikely to ever be in a position to confirm they actually do. Has been a fairly constant source of amazement at quite how coy and discreet the average ladygirl can be when it comes to things coming out of their botties. Considerably more coy and discreet than they tend to be about things going into their botties I always found. I vaguely suspect some kinda plug must be involved but have yet to confirm this...
 
Having a girl pull a bottom raspberry mid-cunnilingus is an experience on your to-do list then shammy? Mine is crossed off. With a big brown cross.
 
knockando said:
"Can you tell what it is yet?" That sort of thing?
Click to expand...

Action Painting.

painting.jpg
 
^ I believe that in the world of shitart such action paintings are usually described as "dirty protests" ;)

knockando said:
Having a girl pull a bottom raspberry mid-cunnilingus is an experience on your to-do list then shammy? Mine is crossed off. With a big brown cross.
Click to expand...

Bwahahahahaha! Tis a joy I've yet to encounter is that one, Knock. I look forward to it =D

My first ever girlfriend did guff on me hand once when it was in the general vicinity actually. I took this to be the exception that proved the rule.
 
Mailmonkey said:
Not one of them phantom ones? Dense, long, streamlined....make barely a splash, and nowhere to be seen when you look down, just slide through the water and round the ubend like a silent running torpedo.

Always mystifying, but satisfying too.
Click to expand...

Terrible story, but humorous.

Friend of mine is caring for his gran with cancer. He's been taking a lot of prescription codeine. His shit clogged mid pipe and flooded his grans room.

Just when you thought things getting take a turd for the worst.
 
the moral of that story is if at first you don't succeed, do NOT flush, flush again! a blocked toilet is blocked, roll up your sleeves, get down on your knees, swallow your pride and tackle that bad boy mano a mano. There's no shame in it. Well, maybe a little.
 
=D If I could be sure this is your own "doing", JonL, I would be well impressed, but how can we know you've not just copied someone else's homework?
 
I think I shat out a very large and heavy doorknob earlier today and was convinced I had caused myself to prolapse, several days worth of opiate use and a few bowlfuls of sultana bran will do that.
 
A Polish bod I was talking to brought up a good point whilst on the topic of turds. He asked why English people say ''take a shit'' when you don't take it. Whenever he went to the toilet he'd say he was going to make a shit.
 
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Just produced a nice log which slid out without much force, they're the best ones nice and dry but moist enough to slide out smoothly. I usually defecate 3-4 times a day. One in the morning when I've a cup of coffee, a more sloppy one after breakfast and then one at some point in the evening. Don't know how some people go two or 3 days without defecating unless they never eat.
Also anyone who doesn't wash their hands after shitting are scum of the earth.
 
anyone who doesn't take a photo after shitting is scum of the earth. also on the subject of "take" i want to say:

faire
machen

do a shit
have a shit
take a shit
go for a shit

eat breakfast
have breakfast
take breakfast
go for breakfast
do breakfast?

do lunch!
eat lunch
have lunch
go for lunch
take lunch

take a rest
go for a rest
have a rest
make rest?
do a rest??

do away
make way
have your way
take away
go away.
 
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You do actually have breakfast and lunch though, you don't have a shit for breakfast unless you're into that sort of thing.
 
Ever since having my colostomy done i've got a real laugh out of shitting in public places. Like I can just be sat in a crowded restaurant looking the waiter in the eyes ordering and I feel it kicking off. Exact same feeling of pressure you get when taking a shit, perhaps a tad weaker, and in your stomach. But I have to maintain my voice and keep speaking and not burst out laughing or hold my breath to maintain focus and flow. I like the fact they have no idea though, it's like I got one over on them lol. I also can't fart anymore, which is a great great shame. I can do stoma farts but not on purpose, so more often than not I will let out an unintentional big one during prayers at church or somewhere equally likely to get me looks of disdain.
 
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