Hi everyone, haven't been on here since summer last year, as that was the time I have stopped using any kind of drugs after I met my girlfriend, so any kind of subject related to it did not interest me, that's why I stopped using this forum.
Before I met her I would take Valium, I saw that as an only way of bringing some colour into my life, it was so grey and empty I just didn't do anything apart from getting drunk and crying myself to sleep every night. I found Valium a very good alternative to alcohol, it made me smile, I could talk to people actually believing I was worth something, and not falling over and smell bad while doing it. Valium also helped me to speak to my then future girlfriend, Valium kind of released my real personality. But then we got together, she found out about Valium and told me to stop, so I did fearing I would lose her. She then replaced Valium, she was my drug, I even managed to cope with my hateful family, knowing that next day I'll see her gave me motivation and happiness.
But well, now she's gone, I was dumped on my birthday back in January because of the horrible things I said out of my jealousy and monster and controlling nature. Well deserved, she has put up with me for enough time, congratulations to her. This whole year has been horrible for me, I had 2 close friends (or at least I like to believe they are) that I would see at school every day, but I would barely see them outside school, it was quite obvious they didn't like me and speak to me just for the sake of it. It's not like I'm some kind of a social victim, I am just mean and reclusive. I find myself to be evil as well, very evil, worst thing is I can't help it.
I kind of say I don't want to do it, but I already know... I want to take Valium, or any other benzo that works in a similar way. I can't stand the hangovers and the inability to live in the real world properly when drunk. Now that I also got into university doesn't help either, I need a sharp mind for the subject I chose to purge my own demons (Psychology) and I can't go to lectures drunk!
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Sorry for the long story, I know most of you just don't give a f**k about it. But it's nice to let it out, especially when it's done anonymously.
Now I need some advice, I was taking Valium before, and it done the job, the fear and hate was gone for the whole day after taking 10mg in the morning. Is there a better benzo than Valium that you would recommend, something more healthier perhaps? When I was taking Valium my eyes always felt kind of heavy, but it was ok I guess.
1. I need advice on how to take Valium in order to keep it under control, increase the chance to avoid addiction or any unwanted side effects? (I swear that I never took Valium for recreational purposes, I never really got any recreational effects either, because the removal of fear doesn't count as a recreational effect right?)
2. I recently started lifting weights, would Valium have any bad effect on that?
3. Will my ability to stay focused or my memory be affected by benzos in the long run?
4. Do you think doing it for 5 days, and then stopping for 7-10 days reduce the chance of addiction?
Thanks to everyone for reading this, and thanks to everyone in advance for replying.
Before I met her I would take Valium, I saw that as an only way of bringing some colour into my life, it was so grey and empty I just didn't do anything apart from getting drunk and crying myself to sleep every night. I found Valium a very good alternative to alcohol, it made me smile, I could talk to people actually believing I was worth something, and not falling over and smell bad while doing it. Valium also helped me to speak to my then future girlfriend, Valium kind of released my real personality. But then we got together, she found out about Valium and told me to stop, so I did fearing I would lose her. She then replaced Valium, she was my drug, I even managed to cope with my hateful family, knowing that next day I'll see her gave me motivation and happiness.
But well, now she's gone, I was dumped on my birthday back in January because of the horrible things I said out of my jealousy and monster and controlling nature. Well deserved, she has put up with me for enough time, congratulations to her. This whole year has been horrible for me, I had 2 close friends (or at least I like to believe they are) that I would see at school every day, but I would barely see them outside school, it was quite obvious they didn't like me and speak to me just for the sake of it. It's not like I'm some kind of a social victim, I am just mean and reclusive. I find myself to be evil as well, very evil, worst thing is I can't help it.
I kind of say I don't want to do it, but I already know... I want to take Valium, or any other benzo that works in a similar way. I can't stand the hangovers and the inability to live in the real world properly when drunk. Now that I also got into university doesn't help either, I need a sharp mind for the subject I chose to purge my own demons (Psychology) and I can't go to lectures drunk!
-------------------------------------------
Sorry for the long story, I know most of you just don't give a f**k about it. But it's nice to let it out, especially when it's done anonymously.
Now I need some advice, I was taking Valium before, and it done the job, the fear and hate was gone for the whole day after taking 10mg in the morning. Is there a better benzo than Valium that you would recommend, something more healthier perhaps? When I was taking Valium my eyes always felt kind of heavy, but it was ok I guess.
1. I need advice on how to take Valium in order to keep it under control, increase the chance to avoid addiction or any unwanted side effects? (I swear that I never took Valium for recreational purposes, I never really got any recreational effects either, because the removal of fear doesn't count as a recreational effect right?)
2. I recently started lifting weights, would Valium have any bad effect on that?
3. Will my ability to stay focused or my memory be affected by benzos in the long run?
4. Do you think doing it for 5 days, and then stopping for 7-10 days reduce the chance of addiction?
Thanks to everyone for reading this, and thanks to everyone in advance for replying.