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I'm done

Congratulations Blue Saffron!
You have made an enormous change in one week.
Gabapentin is an option indeed… I started introducing it gradually… then had to cut it off a week later, but it wasn't that bad. Lyrica was worse ime… Kind of addictive.
 
When you're not feeling happy, try to address why it is

For me a lot of the time, it comes back to PTSD, agoraphobia, my sick mind, traumatic events, less than ideal present circumstances

After I try to make peace with it, I listen to some music and get a bite to eat, a glass of water, and wait for time to heal the wounds that I can't constantly heal myself.
 
Oh I know exactly why it is. It's things that I usually can't do anything about in that moment, that's why it's so tempting to use. Like, I want to talk to someone about something, but I won't have a chance til monday. Or, being bummed about not finding a full time job - I'm already job searching, there's not much more I can do in that area... or being tired of living here with my roommate - again, there's just nothing I can do about it right at this moment, which is why I want to take drugs and escape.

I've been trying to just distract myself - read, get online, go out, talk to friends, ect... but there's inevitably a time when I've done all that and I'm back just sitting here, and then that little voice says "a couple mg of sub and you'd definitely feel better..."

I don't want to do that though. The past two days I took 6, I'm going back to 4 now. Took 2 this am, going to either take 1mg now and one later, or 2 mg in a couple hours. Then in a couple days I'm going to jump to two.
 
I hate not knowing how much of this depression is withdrawal and how much is a certain situation. I hate worrying that im going to make a wrong decision in Due too sadness and anxiety from opiate withdrawal. I hate feeling like i can't trust my own mind & feelings, because i migjt be tripping over nothing because im tapering off dope & not thinking/feeling right. Its driving me crazy.

Then i think - since i have no way of knowing how much of what im feeling is real and how much is drug withdrawal induced... Then maybe I shouldn't worry at all. Maybe i should just go with how i feel. And then im like-but what if i say or do the wrong thing because of it? I need to be careful and remember im tapering and not "normal" yet...

And i just worry about it, all the time. I want more than anything to be able to trust my own mind and feelings again.
 
Give it time and try not to be too hard on yourself. You're already doing an amazing thing by deciding to decrease and quit your use of opiates - give yourself kudos!

The process will take time, and will be confusing and disorienting; it's part of the package of coming off opiates. Think of it this way: you know you're really doing well precisely because you're feeling the way you are!

Stick with it. Ride the wave.

<3
 
thanks :) I never looked at it that way before, but you're right... me feeling all kinds of crazy fucked up feelings is a sign I'm not just a sedated opiated zombie anymore... which is definitely a good thing.

Today was better. I took 2mg sub in the am and 2mg in the pm... was pretty sure I was going to take 2 more tonight cos I just felt really sober (as if that's a legit reason), and then two hours later I realized that I...

forgot. I forgot :) So now its 11 pm and no point taking it as I'm just going to sleep.

Forgetting to do drugs can only be a good thing, right? %)
 
this suboxone doesn't sound good at all

Blue, know what your getting into with sub maintenance,,,,

Someone not me who has greater exp. than me said "be fore-warned, long-term maintenance on the drug will lead to withdrawals that are twice as long or more than with regular opiates. If you need it to stay clean, by all means go for it, but honestly the best way to detox off of opiates is to take as little suboxone as you can get by with for 2-4 days during the worst of the withdrawals.
I've heard every year you're on suboxone is a month of withdrawals. I'm not sure if it's true, but it's just my advice not to blindly stay on suboxone for an extended period of time if you want to be clean from everything. This kind of sounds dumb and redundant, but I personally think weeks of withdrawals is inhumane."''

I'd personally go the kratom route....natural,make a tea, sip quietly, and from personal experience not too bad wds on tapering. Not as bad as what I'v read from subs at least. carumba!!!!try it at least >>they use it in thailand to get off opium.

Whatever you do good luck you write well.
 
I was on Suboxone for 3 years. . . and months were a cinch compared to regular opiates... literally cake
 
motiv311 said:
I was on Suboxone for 3 years. . . and months were a cinch compared to regular opiates... literally cake
Click to expand...

While some people do have relatively easy experiences like this when coming off other people have long and drawn out withdrawals from subuxone like I had or CH is having right now. While it is possible that someone may get lucky and avoid extended suboxone withdrawals it certainly isn't something that should be counted on. It is a lot safer to prepare for the worse rather than expecting the best. I think the important thing is to focus on making positive life changes while on suboxone that can be maintained once off the drug. Anyone who is expecting some kind of cake walk when quitting sub could very well be in for a rude awakening when it is time to quit.

In my experience suboxone is much more insidious in nature than a drug like heroin because while anyone with common sense knows it is a good idea to quit doing heroin it is much easier to convince oneself while in withdrawal that you should get back on the suboxone. Since it is legalish and relatively cheap it is very easy to get into the "fuck it, it is just suboxone, at least it isn't heroin..." mindset and stay on this stuff for years on end rather than kicking
 
We are all really proud of you, Blue! We are so proud of you.

It's so amazing that you have taken this decision to quit. It's brilliant. Just hang in there! :)
 
Buprenorphine(suboxone) comes in 0.2mg. dosage form....so 2mg.=10x that dose,4mg.=20x that dose needed for opiate niave person to get analgesia. Makes me wonder.
 
samm2 said:
Buprenorphine(suboxone) comes in 0.2mg. dosage form....so 2mg.=10x that dose,4mg.=20x that dose needed for opiate niave person to get analgesia. Makes me wonder.
Click to expand...

Makes you wonder what? Comparing the minimum starting dose at which bupe is used for pain rather than addiction isn't particularity useful. The smallest available Suboxone dose is a 2mg strip.
 
The discrepencies in dosage, but I think the 0.2mg. dosage I saw was the parental form(injectable) and the film your talking about is sublingual hence differing bioavalabilities....sorry.
 
I wish I could "like" your initial post a hundred times, it really spoke to me for some reason. Like you, I too am dobe, and I wish you all the best on this journey. We are walking it together and I don't know about you but I'm ready to run!
 
Oh and I have tried methadone before too, I planned on using it to taper off oxy but i took a couple then got a fresh script of oxy. I can't see methadone as a good way to detox. It just made me want to sleep all the time! I have former friends who swear they get a killer buzz on it and it lasts all day but that wasn't my experience at all. Subs are truly a miracle drug but I am only on day 1 of my detox. I'll keep up with your progress and if you wanna talk to someone else who is doing it, feel free to shoot me a PM. Who doesn't love a detox buddy? LOL
 
I can't stop thinking about all the time I've wasted being on dope. Years and years... I could've been with someone who loved and cared about me instead of an abusive self absorbed insecure guy. I could've been out having fun and exploring life. Dating, meeting people. Working on a career. Writing. Being in love. But I stayed where I was because the heroin told me everything was ok, even though I knew it wasn't.

Part of what's so hard about getting sober is I've changed so much in the last year or two, what with having some clean time and meeting a guy who made me feel appreciated and wanted. I feel like a whole different person and I want a whole different life, but sometimes I'm afraid it's too late. And I feel like time is ticking, ticking, like every second that goes by wasted is driving me crazy :( I'm trying to find a better job but it's hard... I want so much to move out. I'm trying to get clean but that's hard too, not feeling like myself, feeling sad an anxious and insecure all the time. Not able to enjoy anything. And I know I need to push through it, and I'm trying...

I just can't stand how things are right now, it's like there's a huge hole in my heart, and my life, and everyday I just feel like I'm wasting it. I feel like I've just woken up after being asleep for years, and I'm realizing that I wasted so much time, so many beautiful days of my life wasted being numbed out on dope convincing myself I was happy because the opiates masked the fact that I really didn't belong in the life I was in. And meeting someone cool has been amazing, but in a way it's been hard, because he's raised my standards and I realize I deserve more now, I realize I deserve a man who treats me well, and it makes me so sad that I stayed for years with someone who was awful to me a lot of the time. I'm talking about telling me to my face that I'm old, too old to dress cute, that I look ridiculous, that he's embarassed to be seen with me, doesn't want to fuck me, that I'm stupid and clumsy and useless. He'd say that when he was mad and then afterwards he'd act nice for a while and I'd tell myself that the angry him "wasn't really him" and that maybe he was right, and I'm not that great and he's doing me a favor being with me...

Then last year I meet this guy and he's the polar opposite - tells me I'm beautiful and makes me feel wanted, ect. Which is great... but I'm so angry at myself and so sad that I wasted all these years with someone who wasn't good to me, because I didn't think I deserved or could find anyone better.

So all these thoughts are in my mind all the time, on top of trying to quit opiates, and it's so hard. I want to try to build the life I want but I just worry that it's too late, I've wasted and ruined my life. People tell me I'm attractive, guys flirt with me, but I don't :::feel::: attractive usually, and I hate that. I miss feeling confident.

I just want to feel good again. Feel confident that I know myself, who I am and what I want, and that I'm headed in the right direction. And I want it to work out with the guy I'm seeing. And it feels like there are huge obstacles in my way. But mostly it's the empty days... living in a place I don't want to be, when all I really want is to be with the person I love, and work on doing something good with my life. I believe I can get there, but it's so hard right now. I just want to be able to live the life I'm dreaming of.
 
Blue

Don't best urself up

Know that this is a chance to get things right

And find a wonderful man <3
 
Thanks Captain. I know you're right... it's just with drug-free clarity comes a lot of thinking about stuff, and realizing things, and some of them are pretty painful.

I'm not giving up though :)
 
You've got this! I'm with you!

Today is 6 days clean from oxy. I'm feeling great. I miss the high though. The energy, the focus. So that mental aspect is the only thing I'm thinking about. I went power shopping with my mom today and I remember how I kept thinking God I would love an oxy right now. That was hard. But I got through it. And so will you. Keep rocking out, the best is yet to come.
 
It's a safe bet to say that 90% of what you're feeling IS the withdrawals. The depression and anxiety will get better. What I do when I'm confused like that and I can't tell if my emotions/feelings are an accurate reflection of reality or just withdrawal symptoms, is I just do... nothing. I won't act on something until I know FOR SURE how I feel about. Generally what ends up happening is that some time goes by and I end up realizing that whatever I was tripping on wasn't even as big of a deal as I thought or relevant anymore. If I do still feel uneasy/anxious/sad about whatever it is, then at least I've had a few days to think about it, and I can be more aware of/control how I react or choose to deal with the situation and have figured out a way to do it so that I don't make the situation worse. This, of course, requires patience. Which is something I don't always have, but practice makes perfect... lol

Also I don't want to sound critical, because different things work for different people, but I really feel like I have to at least SUGGEST that you take some of the people's advice about the Suboxone on here. I say this because I've been on it for all kinds of different lengths of time... I was on it for two years for a heavy Norco habit, and the withdrawals were bad enough that I was willing to try heroin. After a few months had gone by and I wasn't feeling much better, I relapsed on opiates in the worst possible way. Honestly, it could have been anything... I would have taken any kind of opiate at that point to make it stop, it just so happened that it was heroin that was being offered to me. Suboxone is pretty much what led me down this road to begin with. I've also done super short Suboxone tapers (a few days to a week) and longer term ones (a week or longer). I've always had amazing success with short-term tapers... if I take it through the worst of the acutes, just for the first few days and at as low of a dose as I can take to hold me, I find that I don't have to deal with much withdrawals at all... and what I do have to deal with is very minimal and bearable with exercise and staying busy and all that good stuff. Longer-term withdrawals I've had success with before, but it wasn't easy AT ALL. It was easier than coming off of 2 years of it, but it was definitely a struggle.

However, that's just me. I've heard of people being on Suboxone for YEARS and then having zero withdrawals once they came off of it. I'm actually pretty sure that neversickanymore is one of those people... I think. lol. I'm just saying this so you have an idea what to expect, my advice would be to start seriously thinking about coming off of it sooner rather than later... you haven't been on it for so long that it will be bad. I think if you did a somewhat rapid taper, going down to literally the lowest possible dose spaced out as far as possible, your withdrawals will be fairly manageable. THAT'S JUST MY ADVICE THO... I'm not telling you what to do haha. Honestly girl, you just need to do what feels right for you!! And you're doing great, I'm happy to see you off the gear <3
 
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