PsychicDawn
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2015
- Messages
- 18
Hey all I am a new member although I have been visiting this site for years. I decided to join I need support from ppl that understand and went through similar experiences. I'm addicted to heroin. I started at 19 and my family found out when I was 20 and put me in detox after which i went to methadone program. My family never treated me same after I became a black sheep and every fight reminded i was a junkie. They also didn't understand my psychic/medium abilities always telling me I never make money that way and none of this is real they even tried sending me to psych hospital. I did good in methadone I started at 30mg, went up to 120mg stayed clean, earned week take homes finished nursing school got a job..then got married and moved out. I was 27 at that time 7yrs clean. My husband had back injury so did I and I used to get whatever I wished from my previous neuro so my husband went to him he had 7 herniated discs. Neuro gave him 120 oxy 15s every month. My husband and I clicked cuz he was into meditation and ghost hunting and told me to chase my dream working as a psychic. I did I quit my nursing job and started on my own it was hard but eventually ppl got to hear about me and not long after i was getting offers from spiritual stores. I took one of them and made excellent money there about 2k a week. He made good money too we were happy but 2 months after he changed. He became withdrawn, moody, unpredictable we were fighting every day he stopped spiritual work he just sat and played video games or on his phone falling asleep standing up..he was talking more pills and eventually he only had enough to last a week. I went to dr n got a script to hold him over so he wouldn't loose his job from being sick. I started talking some too and stopped methadone. I thought i canjust take few to get off meth and i be ok but by the time i knew i had a full blown addiction. My husband lost his job we were spending lots of money buying pills off the street probably 400 a week at first. We did not have a relationship anymore we were just roommates. My husband then crashed and totalled his car his fault could not get new one so he couldn't get job and not enough money cuz we were buying pills..I decided i was tired of it. I got to point where the drug didn't make me feel like a superwoman. I was tired out of it I did not want to do anything i did not have motivation or joy from things i used to love..we didn't shoot up we sniffed the pills but i knew it would lead to a needle. My husbands friend came to visit from California and introduced us to dealer that had heroin. It was cheaper and stronger so we were doing pills for a week then heroin. I got to a point of doing 3g a day. I barely felt it. He was doing 1g. Then i met a dealer at my job. He wanted me to do tarot and healings for him in exchange for dope. It was too easy for me to get it and i got about 6g a week from him snd rest i was buying for only 50dol a gram but still managed to spend at that point About 800-900 a week. I was so ashamed and tired i had to stop cuz I actually bought needles to consider shooting to save money but thank god I didn't. August 2015 I told my husband take week off work we both withdraw and stop. He didn't want to but I said i will leave him if he doesn't cuz I can't b around it if im sober. He wasn't at that point yet as I was he still felt energized and good and refused to see how he changed. I had xanax, neurontin and suboxone and healthy food for us. First day was ok but by second i was pretty sick. I didn't want to take suboxone early to avoid participated withdrawal. I wished i had methadone but I called the clinics and all had 7 months wait. I was throwing up shaking bad restless legs all that good stuff..my husband was breaking down saying he can't he needs to call dealer bufhe hadno car. He told me he won't and went back to bed. By day 3 i was sick as a dog took suboxone and felt only lil better. My husband didn't seem to suffer how weird I thought. He was sitting on couch calm reading on his iPad. He said he took suboxone. Next day he went to work I did few days later. We had a huge fight next day and I went to stay at my moms. Our dealer called me saying when we were withdrawing my hubs begged him to drop off a gram by the house and he did. That's why he wasn't sick! He lied to me and he was back on it too! I confronted him but he swore on everyones life hes clean. I offered drug test he refused.. I wasn't stupid. I packed everything and moved to my moms. He didn't give me anything for my bday next day. He called me names and posted lies on his Facebook how i left him for another guy..just like a child would act. I knew I was done forever. Week later I still didn't feel great i had dreams about drugs non stop. I was going through my stuff and found a gram I hidden a while ago for bad times. I was tempted I stared at it for 2 days until I convinced myself i can take it once a week and be ok. I took little and it hit me hard my tolerance went down so much. With a week i was back to full blown addiction again same amount as before and then more..I moved back to my house and there we were again doing drugs and fighting so bad one day he slapped me in face and I punched him so hard I broke his nose. It was bad..it's October now i am ashamed and tired of this. Idk how I manage to work 80hrs 7 days and function. U would never tell im an addict. Yesterday I decided to take week off and try again. I told my husband he needs to try and I will give us another chance. He said he is not ready maybe in January he said. I can't wait for him i am looking for my own place now. He is ok choosing drugs over me. This time I have no xanax or anything so I got few grams of coke. I don't do it usually but I somehow knew it would work. In last day I lowered myself from 3g a day to 1.5g. By tomorrow i want to do only lil every 6hrs Thursday every 8hrs and Friday every 10 then Saturday just twice Sunday once and that's it. I don't like coke never did don't ask why I got this idea but I always go with my intuition and it served me right so far. Please wish me luck I have so much to do so many ppl to help I need to b on top of my game I'm opening my own store in a month. Please pray for my husband I know he is inside there somewhere. I hope he will reconsider. Thank u for listening
