Ill be there forever and always.

Alprazolam8129

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 3, 2010
Messages
479
Location
Philly
i have divorced my wife... life is painfull but i know i can stand strong. but the pain is harsh and i feel hopeless. how does one get through the agony of loosing the one you loved, the one you made a commitment to to stand through with forever? i loved her dearly but i had to let go, i don't regret anything ever. because what i have done throughout my life has always been my choice. suicide is not my answer neither is hurting myself, I stand through this pain with an addiction, And i feel trapped withing the deep dark clenches of this monster they call.. opiates.

All my life i have dreamed of the one i would fall in love with, and finally on august 12th 2008 at age 17 i found her, married her and had a beautiful son. But problems always were resolved by popping something, shooting up, drinking down the red dragon. But i could not deal with the pain of having the feeling of not being treated right, the yelling, the fights, the rough nights of sleeping alone on the coutch because the problem was never resolved till the next day. I still love her with all my heart and will always be there to protect her, help her, save her. I just have one major question to myself, to god, to everyone and everything. Did i do the right thing? no? yes? maybe this question will never be resolved, maybe it will, but forever my quote will be that love makes no sence, but will never be resolved by feeding this addiction.

~Mason A. Mahoney.​
 
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i just went thru a real break up also. I say real cuz i really did love this girl. Honestly tho it made me stronger cuz if i start using again then she will be like good we broke up look at that junkie. If i stay clean i feel like she will be like sheyyyttt!!!! that should also be a good motivation for u to get clean and stay clean. I hav bin clean since the day she left the house on 4/20. Im not sayin it is easy for its def a big motivation for me only cuz i really loved this girl.I really do wish her the best in life its just right now i need some space 2 heal n get better. I think you should take this oppurtinity to get clean on ur own and on ur scheduele. you are still very young you will meet another nice women hopefully but u need 2 hav ur shit str8 first. I am not willing to get into a relationship atleast til i hav a year clean. Anyways you said you never regret things so thats a great attitude. Anyways good luck bro i hope u feel better soon.
 
^^thanks bro, good looks and your being clean for a year before a relationship actually sounds type right? eh?
 
ya man i wanna be clean for atleast a year before i get into any relationship. How can i take care of a woman when i cant even take care of myself. Also i never realised how selfish it was of me to bring any woman into my life when i know im a junkie. Ive bin with other women b4 this one in the lasy 5 years i bin using but i guess i never really loved any of them b4 this one. So i let her go even tho she really didnt wanna break up i had to do it for her sake n for mine. It was really hard for me i came onto bluelight n opened up a new thread n i was typin while we were breaking up lol. But ive bin clean since that day. : )
 
I understand heartbreak very well.....I am married but my husband and I separated a year and a half ago- we got back together, but in the 4-6 weeks I was gone I was just devastated.
I chose to com back to my husband and fight for our marriage.
If I had chosen to stay away I would have continued to love him and divorce him. Sometimes love just isn't enough, and that is okay. You will move on and as time passes your heart will heal a bit and you may find someone new.
The question of whether or not you did the right thing is something only you can decide.....
I myself believe that things happen for a reason and if you got a divorce, it was the right decision at the time, for whatever reason.
The universe works things out the way they should be........
And it sounds like you two remain on friendly terms, which is good.
I hope that you find peace with your choices and find love again. <3

If you'd like me to move this to SLR , just let me know- you may get a few more responses there......
 
I went through a kinda breakup (it's complicated) with the only woman ive ever loved recently. We still talk and all that but now we are back to where we where before which is friends. That isint so odd because weve been friends for about 5 years now.

I didnt handle the breakup well to say the least and i was in a bad state for quite awile. Im still not over it not by a long shot but life goes on as they say. All the same i never felt so sad and worthless as i did leaving her :(

I hope you come to terms with the choices you made man.
 
I was married for close to 22 years and we had lived together for 3 years prior to marriage. My wife left me in July '05 due to hydro/oxy addictions. She had helped me the first two times I was addicted but the 3rd time was simply too much. I thought my world had ended and was trying to decide how to kill myself. I was in total anquish for a year and a half. A day did not go by that I didn't shed a tear for my wife. Then a year and a half later, sometime in March, I woke up one morning thinking I was going to make it! I mean it was an ephipany. I WAS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT!

From that time to now I have come to accept things and have been able to reason with myself as to why she left.

I have no desire to start over with a new relationship and to have to play the game again. T

As far as did you do the right thing? You are the only one that can decide that.
 
@Alprazolam: First off, let me say that you have shown a great deal of maturity since you joined bluelight not too long ago.... and many would agree with me. Since you seem to be growing, and making better decisions I think that everything will get better in time, even with the few "hicups" you and everybody else in the world will undoubtable encounter....

Now the summer is coming up, and it is always a very social time. Do you think that you are ready to jump back in the relationship scene right away? I would just say that you should have fun, and if you meet other girls then take it as it comes. You shouldn't have to worry about anything, since like I said there summer is always a fun time which will allow you to take your mind off of things. Go out with your friends, and just do some fun/healthy stuff. And don't get involved with any female that will bring you down. I too have messed with opiates and benzos, but always went for girls that could only be a positive influence on me. I suggest the same for you.

Maybe the stress of your last relationship led to you continueing you drug use, and as soon as the heart heals, your mind will as well. There is no set time that it takes to "get over" someone you love(d), just like there is no set time it takes to get over drugs you have had a relationship with. Just know that it is for the better. She was in your life to shape you, or change you in a special way, and now a new girl will get to experience this different you.

That is how I was finally able to get over my X.... I just accepted that she was in my life for a period of time to help me grow, and learn new things. I respect the relationship for what it was, and am thankful that I was able to experience it, even though I spent a long time dealing with heartache...... It was worth it.
 
the right thing is looking after your son. if you can do that better by not being with your ex-wife, then you did the right thing. dont lose sight of the most important factor in this whole situation, your son. do right by him, and you'll have your absolution.
 
i don't have the custody of my child, and its killing me inside.. i loved her and always will but not having my little man.. its really hard guys.
 
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