Now, I wasn't calling anyone weak... I wasn't calling myself weak either. Depression is a clusterfuck labyrinth through Hell; if you can find your way out, then I think it's as much to do with luck as with determination. I'm not surprised that a couple of people found this insulting, but I'm not saying any one of us can simply 'snap out of it' at will. MissNervosa, for me it started around age 15, though it got really bad at 17 and for about a year and a half, I wavered on and off the verge of suicide. But when I had this thought yesterday, my reaction wasn't to take offense. It was: "Hey, what if I've been looking in the wrong places for a cure this whole time?"
Because yes, I'm sick to death of people like my father saying, "It's all in your head. Just stop it."
I apologise that I snapped,but your original post didn't go into detail,and I've been hearing things like your father has said such as "It's all in your head" and "Just pull your socks up and stop whining" for half my life.I hear these things from people who have no concept of what it's like to suffer the dark bleak depths of depression where you feel like you will never feel pleasure or positivity ever again and wonder whether it's worth it to continue living,as you are barely existing.Yet there are always some know-it-alls who have never been through it who will spout off shit like this,and just think I am weak and lazy,and quite frankly it makes me want to smack them,and hope they end up with depression themselves,so maybe they will see how hard it is and shut the fuck up.
I've had over ten years of various forms of therapy,seen doctors,psychologists,social workers and psychiatrists.I've done yoga,meditation,accupuncture,hypnosis,sports and exercise,altered my diet,taken natural supplements,taken drugs,kept journals and written gratitude lists etc etc.Some of these things were and are helpful,some have done bugger all.
And yes
webbykevin I've tried several times without medication, two of those times ended in a suicide attempt,the rest involved violent mood swings,self harm and simply falling apart.
The conclusion,as I came to with my psychiatrist? I have a chemical imbalance,and a ridiculous amount of family history of mental health disorders,so it is likely genetic.My maternal grandmother was bipolar,an alcoholic,had a gambling addiction,was physically and mentally abusive to my mother and had 4 or 5 suicide attempts in her lifetime.My aunt was a paranoid schizophrenic who spent over half her life in institutions.My mother has generalised anxiety disorder and has panic attacks.My father is a rageaholic who is judgemental and demands perfection from his loved ones.My brother has major depressive disorder,generalised anxiety and problems controlling his anger.
So for me,major depressive disorder and panic disorder with agoraphobia is something that I've learned to live with.I take a pro-active role in managing it,and I have good days and bad days.I even have good months,but to simply "pull myself out of it" completely? Not gonna happen unfortunately.
I've had a severley stressful week,so this is the last thing I have to say about it right now as I don't need to upset myself further,but just wanted to clarify a few things.
Have a great weekend peeps
