If You are Thinking about Suicide, Please Read This

[nickelz34]

very good writeup thnx

 

[Ds]

i havnt done this in a while and really feel like doing it tonight, i dont care anymore, i relapsed, and serously fuckd up big time. i dont care, i mean i love them my family. but i wanna feel like ending it, ive -said this before and never went thru any of it, im a pussy.

 

[Sweet P]

^ Don't let a relapse get you down. All recovering addicts have relapses... it's just part of the process of getting clean. A few days ago I was the closest to killing myself that I'd ever been. But like you, I just couldn't go through with it. Hang in there.

 

[n3ophy7e]

I've been real depressed lately, but today I'm feeling a lot better.

If you ever feel suicidal again, this is what you need to remind yourself of. That tomorrow can be (and usually is) a better day.

Sweet P, I am so glad to hear you're still with us
The wellbutrin sounds really promising! I'm glad you're getting some good results with it already


D's, sorry to hear about your relapse man. But you will be sober again, I know you can do it because you got clean before. Relapse is a really common part of any journey to sobriety so please try not to be too hard on yourself. The best thing you can do is to get back on the sober wagon and keep trying.
Oh, and if you couldn't go through with suicide before, that doesn't mean you're a pussy...in fact it's the total opposite, that you are strong and courageous enough to keep going through adversity. That is something to be proud of

 

[Ds]

thanks n30 and sweetp.
i just got off the phone with my sister and she talked to me a little bit, lil bro n big sis words got me hard. im scared of the outcomes of everything, i worry about everything in my life. i'm fucking homeless living in a rehab/treatment center doing drugs and not caring about drug tests. i do it because i want to get high. i keep wanting it no matter what happens. i know that this is it. they are going to kick me out tomorrow and i wont be able to take it.
i love my family and friends. more that life defines it, i know the easy way out. and its starting to get to me.im scared fucking scared. my life is ruined now, i fucked up big time.
its always about the money, moneymoneymoney got me fucked up, i spent all the money my mom gave me on dope and now i have 15 bucks to my name, found 10$ down at the gas station, dunno if its faite or what, 'im tired of living like this.

 

[n3ophy7e]

D's, you've got a loving family and youth on your side, and even though you're going through a really tough time right now, those 2 things are reason enough for you to stick around.

 

[Ds]

im so scared
but no one would listen because no one else cares

 

[fivelinefury]

Sweet P, great to hear you're feeling better. Good luck.

D's, hang in there. I know how it feels with no money. I'm 25yrs old and did have a good paying job for years and have always and now have nothing and no job. It's also hard for me living with my parents and worrying if I fuck up again then that could be it, but as for me with relapses, in my opinion it has been the biggest help for me. I can still never trust myself after relapsing countless amounts of times, but I have to admit that after a long time I was starting to fuck up less and with bigger time periods in between. All the best mate, hang in there. It can be hell, but I know somehow everything can get better.

 

[Ds]

thanks 5, i got court coming up and im freakin out, god help me have mercy

 

[Stoned Immaculate]

I'm at an all time low as I type this. I often feel like I spend most of my time working my way from rock bottom to yet an even deeper rock bottom. I have absolutely 0 support from the few people I have left in my life. I'm currently having a hard time wanting to get out of bed anymore. I'm not a person of faith, but I pray to whatever and whoever that this feeling will pass.

 

[jackie jones]

If you are here, you are part of our subculture. You have taken a great step by finding us. If you pray, that is excellent by definition, because He is listening to every word and will bring you higher than you now know.

I often just ask the Lord to help me be the man that I was always meant to be.

....

Very cool user name by the way, SI. Inspired by The Doors perhaps?

 

[Stoned Immaculate]

Yes, very inspired by the Doors.

 

[jackie jones]

Good tunes. I at times wished that I was born during a time that I was able to see groups like them and Jefferson Airplane.

Alas.... Foreward then. No other option.

 

[Stoned Immaculate]

I would have to agree with you. I am a self-proclaimed hippie trapped in the 21st century.

 

[jackie jones]

Peace, Love, and Happiness, Sister of our subculture

 

[Stoned Immaculate]

Thank you for talking to me

 

[jackie jones]

Any time.

 

[Umbo]

Gosh Darnit! ...
I'm still alive (like anyone gives a flying fuck)

Sweet P. , I'm glad you didn't leave , I may be a noob but I still want you to live ...
You have the mind to cope , keep on keeping on you Crazy Diamond , plz?
I learn to think more differently for your posts.

I understand how difficult it can get , or maybe I dont ...
It doesn't matter really ... I just hope you'all can just sustain it ...
Sure It's Misery unspoken , neverending BS and totally unacceptable for concious revelations ...
Actually , It does sound pretty dire aye ... but there won't be much to be discussed if we all just 'go up the river'. Respect where Respect is due.

If I seem to be putting too much of a positive light on the subject , sue me , there is no time for Bullshit given the stress of the now.

I could barely imagine how difficult it must be for you and many others here , in fact It tears me apart emotionally , But I think that it should never be underestimated ... the power of the individual mind.

I wouldn't be so silly right now to suggest that you 'give peace a chance' ... I'm fully aware it doesn't work like that ... what I will say tho is that suicidal ideaology can be overcome , it's not that all of a sudden someone WON'T be suicidal at any given time ... it's more along the lines of "coping Skills" ...
Yes Yes , you've heard of that before ... but take a bow , take a step back , take a very large Bong-Hit even ... and try and realize your weaknesses , make them your own and then try and swivel those thoughts in order to help others ... If indeed feeling sorry only for yourself is all that can be done (Settle petals , this is ALL of us) ... then that's even MORE of a reason to turn it around and put your efforts into helping others with their problems (As you are quite an astute regular here that shouldn't be a worry yeh?.)

There is no possible way that we know of to compare lifes struggles and/or problems (Whichever way you see it) .. so It's barely worth comparing , It's not an easy task , but hell , If indeed ones life isn't worth living ... the least anyone could do is to give up on themsleves and start concentrating their efforts on individuals who might actually have a chance to "succeed".
Now , I hate hearing this as much as the next selfish depressive ... but who could deny that there isn't an element of truth to what I've suggested?.

I've almost polished off 4 litres of wine , forgive me if my Grammar isn't up to scratch ... I will have to be hospitalized soon , but It's something I expect , therefore it's delayed into the next week for as long as possible.
Let me not even get into the rest of my personal grievances ... I've got court soon now too , for smokin a bit of Cannabis again ... I'd rather cut my head off than go to court (And place the head in a jar and E-mail it to the court to speak in my place) ... but something tells me , the best I'll be able to achieve is a nervous jittery , pale and sickly "Yes Sir Madame Your Honour" (Fuck you - Under my breath) ... However this fucking stupid shit works out , I do believe I'll be better off alive and kicking , might even make a statement to totally fuck up every stupid moron in the Courtroom (aside from those waiting to plead their case).
You can't win against a corrupt political/Policial/Courtal system ... the best anyone can do is to make it as difficult as possible for the idiot Judges to decide.
I'm not happy about my situation , at all. But for now at least , I feel less like killing me , and more like killing "their honour" and the rest of the scumbags in the room. Anyone who feels suicidal should tempt thinking like this as far as I'm concerned , It's great to tell people that things will get better , but only a fool would believe it , best we make a stance and at least stand up for ourselves.

P.s. If I never reply again , It means I've followed my own advice , terrorist laws being as they are , I guess It's better we all just take our own lives

There is No God , If noone else will help you , take matters into your own hands (seriously , how long do you think this current way of society wll last?
It won't even make "Myth" status in the long run. May aswell make your stand.

As long as there's decent "drugs" freely available , I try my damndest not to become suicidal yet again ... I want revenge , but not on me , not for me , and not because of me. I wan't to see our oppressors get the harsh end of the stick , see how they cope. <-

Won't someone Pleeeaaase think of the children?

Umbo.

 

[skillz~4~thrillz]

Gosh Darnit! ...
I'm still alive (like anyone gives a flying fuck)

Sweet P. , I'm glad you didn't leave , I may be a noob but I still want you to live ...
You have the mind to cope , keep on keeping on you Crazy Diamond , plz?
I learn to think more differently for your posts.

I understand how difficult it can get , or maybe I dont ...
It doesn't matter really ... I just hope you'all can just sustain it ...
Sure It's Misery unspoken , neverending BS and totally unacceptable for concious revelations ...
Actually , It does sound pretty dire aye ... but there won't be much to be discussed if we all just 'go up the river'. Respect where Respect is due.

If I seem to be putting too much of a positive light on the subject , sue me , there is no time for Bullshit given the stress of the now.

I could barely imagine how difficult it must be for you and many others here , in fact It tears me apart emotionally , But I think that it should never be underestimated ... the power of the individual mind.

I wouldn't be so silly right now to suggest that you 'give peace a chance' ... I'm fully aware it doesn't work like that ... what I will say tho is that suicidal ideaology can be overcome , it's not that all of a sudden someone WON'T be suicidal at any given time ... it's more along the lines of "coping Skills" ...
Yes Yes , you've heard of that before ... but take a bow , take a step back , take a very large Bong-Hit even ... and try and realize your weaknesses , make them your own and then try and swivel those thoughts in order to help others ... If indeed feeling sorry only for yourself is all that can be done (Settle petals , this is ALL of us) ... then that's even MORE of a reason to turn it around and put your efforts into helping others with their problems (As you are quite an astute regular here that shouldn't be a worry yeh?.)

There is no possible way that we know of to compare lifes struggles and/or problems (Whichever way you see it) .. so It's barely worth comparing , It's not an easy task , but hell , If indeed ones life isn't worth living ... the least anyone could do is to give up on themsleves and start concentrating their efforts on individuals who might actually have a chance to "succeed".
Now , I hate hearing this as much as the next selfish depressive ... but who could deny that there isn't an element of truth to what I've suggested?.

I've almost polished off 4 litres of wine , forgive me if my Grammar isn't up to scratch ... I will have to be hospitalized soon , but It's something I expect , therefore it's delayed into the next week for as long as possible.
Let me not even get into the rest of my personal grievances ... I've got court soon now too , for smokin a bit of Cannabis again ... I'd rather cut my head off than go to court (And place the head in a jar and E-mail it to the court to speak in my place) ... but something tells me , the best I'll be able to achieve is a nervous jittery , pale and sickly "Yes Sir Madame Your Honour" (Fuck you - Under my breath) ... However this fucking stupid shit works out , I do believe I'll be better off alive and kicking , might even make a statement to totally fuck up every stupid moron in the Courtroom (aside from those waiting to plead their case).
You can't win against a corrupt political/Policial/Courtal system ... the best anyone can do is to make it as difficult as possible for the idiot Judges to decide.
I'm not happy about my situation , at all. But for now at least , I feel less like killing me , and more like killing "their honour" and the rest of the scumbags in the room. Anyone who feels suicidal should tempt thinking like this as far as I'm concerned , It's great to tell people that things will get better , but only a fool would believe it , best we make a stance and at least stand up for ourselves.

P.s. If I never reply again , It means I've followed my own advice , terrorist laws being as they are , I guess It's better we all just take our own lives

There is No God , If noone else will help you , take matters into your own hands (seriously , how long do you think this current way of society wll last?
It won't even make "Myth" status in the long run. May aswell make your stand.

As long as there's decent "drugs" freely available , I try my damndest not to become suicidal yet again ... I want revenge , but not on me , not for me , and not because of me. I wan't to see our oppressors get the harsh end of the stick , see how they cope. <-

Won't someone Pleeeaaase think of the children?

Umbo.

Umbo...first of all lots of people give a flying fuck-I know I do.At 33 I have had 6failed suicide attempts and 7 car crashes-might be 6 also-not important.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU SAID IS THAT YOU WANT TO LIVE...do you know how amazing that is?life is fucked up but it is full of beauty and love,growth and reaching out when you need help.There is so much more that I want to say to you but I have to go pick up medical records for my social security disability tomorrow.I am bipolar-10 years with meds and therapy I WANT TO LIVE TOO,and I am-and it is truly beautiful.
I am very proud of you-believe it or not a stranger who takes the time to tell you that you are precious,beautiful,and cut from the same cloth as many of us...you will see that the community here is amazing and there are so many friends that you will serendipitously come across in the many forums on bluelight....

Umbo,I gotta run but I will be back tonight bc i want to talk w you some more.

you deserve a happy life-you CAN and WILL have a happy life,trust me....
I have been there.this is ow i pay it forward for those who took the time to talk with me in my darkest hours and reminded me that I am loved...

So are you,sweetheart......you are loved.

much peace,love,life,happiness and harmony to you.

always...............................skillz

 

[ThaiDie4]

I've definitely noticed a difference since I started taking it... my mood has lifted a bit, and my cravings aren't nearly as bad as they were. I've also had some good news about my court case. The cops may drop the drug possession charge for some reason. )

This is great news keep hanging in there, Sweet P! Keep us updated on how everything is going with yourself, the drugs, and the court case, k??