If You are Thinking about Suicide, Please Read This

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So do you know what your friend's status is? Did you ever get to see him? How are you holding up?

I'm wondering, if your friend is awake, maybe you could get a hold of him and have him give you the green light to go in. Now I'm sure that the people at the hospital would listen to the patient asking for a visitor. Even if he's still in the ICU, maybe you can visit? I must admit, it's kinda terrible that only family can visit someone in the ICU. What about the support of friends, who are oftentimes (especially for our young age group), much more readily available for support both physically and mentally. Especially for a bad accident like this.

Remember to update please! Everything will be fine, just keep your chin up <3
 
*Sending positive vibes to anyone who's suffering at the moment*

I know from experience how bad depression can get, but try to stay strong! There's always hope. <3
 
im breaking down getting angry every day. im depressed with severe OCD i don't know if i can live much longer, just last year i had everything going for me, nothing explains the sudden change, so it must be a chemical imbalance, the doubt may kill me. I want to die now more than ever, because i don't see things getting better, this is why i put that soccer plays suicide article up, because i keep thinking about death. I'm a brilliant guy but i cant control my mind, and therefore am not in control of myself. im so sorry if this is all incoherent i just have to many emotions and low feelings and just brain fog that i can't live much longer. i just can't see myself getting better and because of this i don't see why i should any longer. i'm so sorry everyone for my feelings. I'm going to sleep now and will see if i can get through 2morrow. im so sorry to everyone who i was ever mean to, it was my own feelings being projected outwards. i love u all. So many great people ended their lives this way. I cannot beg, and i cannot go into a psych ward, i was too successful and very respected amongst society, i prefer suicide to those two options, it's a more respectable way out. please forgive me, u all are great people and very few people suffer the way we suffer that's why i will always remember BL because BL understood my suffering, but the world out there didn't.
 
Hang in there, wreckless. I know it's hard to believe this when you're feeling so depressed, but things can and do get better. I've had some horribly low points in my life, and I even attempted suicide earlier this year (I think I actually wrote about it in this very thread), but now I'm feeling a lot more content. Your depression will pass too. Try to stay positive, and don't be afraid to seek professional help if you need it.
 
like i was telling u in those pms sweet P. so many greats have come and so many greats have left. So many Kings, so many queens, so many wealthy CEOs, so many hollywood stars, so many of the elite, so many sport athletes all committed suicide, I am just an average guy, why shouldn't I? In spite of everything going there way these people still commited suicide, i don't even have close to the resources they did, why should i even hesitate? they realized something about this world that in my lowest feelings today that i;ve realized. that this world in spite of it's joys there is only suffering, why suffer longer, why not end stuff. i can't take this low confused feeling anymore. i've always cared about people did whatever i could to help them, was generous with my money, time, and whatever other way. i thought life would pay me back but it hasn't.
 
All these great people you mention are just humans, like you and me. No better and no worse. Like I said in my PM, you have a place in this world like everyone else. You have a natural right to be here. Don't feel that your life isn't worth living, because you never know what may lie ahead. You said life hasn't paid you back yet for your kindness, generosity, etc., but maybe it will if you stick around a bit longer?
 
u know what the problem is i am dead on the inside, ive died, i am only physically alive and this is causing the pain, if i physically die then my mind and body become one at peace. i remember when i was a kid like 10 years old thinking about how im going to date every hollywood star, im gonna build a big mansion, im going to feed all my poor cousins. im going to give a million bucks to each poor family and on and on and on. i remember how invincible i felt, even a year ago i felt on top of the world but with a humble heart, now i feel vulnerable and lost all my confidence, i wont be able to rebuild it took me 25 years to build my personality and character and confidence. i can't rebuild im gonna leave this world, it's very unfortunate and the world will leave onces i leave, and i remember a friend of mine once said that when u pass away, funny how im crying when i say this, " when u pass away u will leave enough good memories that it will be as if u were still alive, u will leave us with so many memories" i was always the clown amongst our friends, always the negotiater always the center, no one ever knew i was battling these emotions on the inside, i would always cover it with jokes or confidence.
 
You're still alive inside... your depression is just making you feel empty and lifeless. I've been there many times, but I've always recovered. You will make it through the depression too. Don't give up. I need to go offline soon (it's getting late here), but can you promise to PM me tomorrow? I'm concerned and I want to know that you're safe.
 
wow

this thread is amazing

ive been to that dark place
when i was 15 i attempted suicide i know how it feels, like the darkness is engulfing you the tears wont stop and your whole bpdy emtionally hurts with the strain ... i could of died that night but i didnt and from that day i have tried to pull myself through life and make a difference im still on medication (im 18 now) and i still havent dealt with all of my problems
but if anyone needs a listner im here
its so beautiful to see a place where people can reach out i only wish id of known of somewhere like this before

id like to help in any possible way :)

peace.love&unity
 
only time i ever attempted suicide (several times) was wen i lost evrything (well thought i had) since last december
-i realised i was having rebound wds from clonazepam and had to switch to diazepam to come off....which was v scary so i relapsed on opioids and methamphetamine
-i got to the point where i was shooting crystal meth and heroin in order to survive
-i was gang-raped while out scoring smack
-i developed complex PTSD from the rape
-i was forced into MMT (too long to explain, but basically it was MMT or come off 16mg suboxone CT, as detox only had a bed for me for 2 wks - and i was probly gonna relapse anyway and need to go back to detox, who wudnt take me again, unless i tried MMT since id bn in there a fair few times already) which i always vowed id never go on - and its bn as much a nightmare as anticipated
-my broodmare and her foal died
-my ex-fiance took all my savings (wen i bailed him out of remand after a drink-driving/fraud case - all $3000 i had saved toward a car so i didnt hav to rely on mums car to get around wen she was needing it more and more, plus i needed a BIG car to pull my horse float) then started abusing me sexually/physically/emotionally so i had to break up with him.....and i lost my money
-i lost a lot of my friends cos they were tied up around my relationship wiv Paul (my ex)
-i relapsed on methamphetamine
-i started to get sicker and sicker as i dropped my diazepam lower and lower (or so i thought that was wat it was - later on, wen it was too late, serum levels taken by my methadone doctor told me it was just that i needed to dose at night too cos i had a fast metabolism.....now i dont feel physically sick most of the time, unless ive just dropped my diaz dose or need to put up my methadone dose)
-i became so sick i cud no longer get out to visit my show-jumper, maverick, one of only 2 horses i had left, and i realised the only fair thing to do wud b to lease him out to a gd home since hes in his prime and enjoys nothing more than to compete, plus hes a high-maintenance horse....so he now lives a gd 2hrs away from me wiv a teen rider who keeps him outside her window and feeds him carrots, something ive never bn able to do wiv him cos i live in a city suburb (so im worried hell come to luv her more)
-i had a nervous breakdown
-i had to stop being a mod on TDS (the one thing that made me feel like i was helping ppl) cos i wasnt coming online enough, since the breakdown, and it wasnt fair to put all the work on my teammates so i sadly let the job go
-my beautiful, special dog ozzy (a rottweiler - best dog ive ever had) had to b put down
-i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which explained why i had a lot of the traits i hav
-my final horse left - a pony really - a once-wild kaimanawa pony called cascade id helped my cousin gentle wen i was young, got sold.....my cousin Lance and i had half-shares in her, and his son Cody needed money to fund a wood-chopping competition he was going to, so Lance sold cascade for the money, saying it wasnt like i was down there often enough to look after her/ride her and she wasnt getting the exercise she needed cos Lance is too big for her

that wasnt put in exact order but as u can see.....hectic yr of misery basically
why hav i stopped trying to kill myself?
cos ONE gd thing happened to me in this whole yr of madness - i met Keira (Sweet P on here), my gf
Keira is wat keeps me going
Keira and the odd puff of methamphetamine (we call it P here)
not quite ready to give P up till ive got a horse/dog back in my life too as training animals is one of the things that gives me a purpose to give up without having to use P
and wen Keiras there i hav no desire to use P at all....uthawise i spose u cud say while i think about it a lot, smoke it fairly often i dont actually smoke A LOT!
i guess im still depressed to a degree (how cud u not b wen ur as into horses as i am and u lose ur best one.....even if he is coming back wen the lease finishes.....in 3.5yrs - god hell b 13 by then!!! he was 5 wen i got him!) and P comedowns can only make it worse so thats why im careful there.....
 
^ You keep me going too, hunny. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder at 12 or 13 (ridiculously young, I know) and borderline personality disorder several years ago, so I have quite a history of suicidal thoughts and attempts over the past decade! But now that I have you, the thought of suicide doesn't really cross my mind at all. It helps to feel loved, and to have someone to love back. <3
 
guaranteed (not being negative - just realistic), as ive talked to u over a major depressive period, and neither of us r 'cured' of our BPD, nor will we ever b (tho we can do DBT and work on helping ourselves wen an episode comes on - or prevent episodes coming on to the point that we need to take those awful antipsychs were given, that i try not to take, since im already short on the old dopamine supplies, tho still do end up taking them sometimes to save my legs from getting mutilated) then even tho we hav each other, there is the possibility that, tho we can do the best to support each other while going thru our probs (id want the same if i was dissociating due to my PTSD being triggered) but sadly, since one is BPD, and we both hav it, sometimes wen we both r going thru bad periods wiv it, ive noticed our behaviour can set each other off a little bit cos one of us misreads the others moody behaviour and reacts oversensitively or one of us gets offended by something the other says and starts to split them black then the other realises that theyve pissed them off cos they see them taking a pill and then they start hating themselves and the urge to self-harm starts in them
thats the only thing we hav to watch for really closely to make this relationship work!

saying that i havnt thought bout committing suicide since i met my gal either ;)
we still hav to consider that were never quite out of the danger zone until weve had extensive treatment for our BPD/me for my PTSD....and seeming as u reckon theres no true solution but chemicals to ur depression, as does wikipedia (except ECT) we still nd to work out a 'suicide action plan' between both of us oneday
cos i dont wanna lose u and i feel for some mad reason u may feel the same way!
in which case, for a start, if either of us is feeling suicidal, even slightly, we need to let the other one know, no matter wat time of day it is (even past midnight - i keep the phone in my room!)

and to anyone else reading this post, whos wiv someone who has suicidal ideations, esp if u do as well, maybe this wud b a gd idea for u too?
suicide action plans can save lives - cos wen ur that low, hearing the person u luv most in the world just b there to tell u how much it means to them that ur still on this earth is really important

if i was suicidal and i rang Keira to tell her so, and she said simply 'i cudnt live without u baby - u mean too much to me....wat wud i do if u killed urself?' i dont think i cud do it, no matter how shitty things were at the time, cos the thought of me doing sumthing that wud put Keira in such distress wud just appall me
it wud b like sleeping wiv Keiras ex IMO (probly even worse)....it wud leave her lonely and heartbroken
ive lost an ex to an OD - it wasnt a purposeful OD, but all the same....wen u luv someone u neva get over it if they die before their time
and i dont want my gal to ever experience that feeling that niggles away at ur heart for life

so theres another idea to put all u who hav partners off suicide...
 
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The thoughts are back and I'm doing stupid shit...:( After the last stunt I may be forced into counseling.
 
This was exactly what I needed to read tonight...

Ive stopped using heroin regularly for almost a year now. I still have had slips now and then, usually a day or two, but then go back to clean living. Im just trying to get to the point where those dont happen cause I dont even enjoy it anymore. But even now, a year out of rehab, I still feel the pains from active addiction. My family gives the impression that everything is great again, and that they like having me around, but I dont necessarily believe thats the case.

Thanksgiving was especially hard for me. Going to my parents house, which I moved out of last December, is always uncomfortable. It no longer feels like home, which I know it isnt. My parents always told me it would always be my home, but that just isnt how I feel. I spend the day with family, the whole feeling as though eyes were on me, everyone wanting to ask about the elephant in the room. I know when they ask if Im staying clean its out of genuine concern and fear, but to me it just feels condescending. I had never been so happy to get out of there.

I have been struggling with thoughts like this for some time now. Part of it is shame over things of done. Another part is feeling as though Ill never be happy without drugs. Even when I had 6 months without using an substances, I still felt as though I didnt belong in this world, and the only way to get by was to soften reality. Its frustrating because it seems as though these feelings will not end, no matter what I do or how long I stay clean. Another part is the boredom. Trying to stay clean has alienated me. Im 24, and I honestly dont know where people my age go to meet people besides bars. I go to work, come home, and sit by myself. Im just bored of life, and it has become stagnant and mundane. Im just tired of trying to find new ways to pass the hours I am awake.

But enough of me rambling. Despite the pain, loneliness, and isolation Ive been feeling lately, this has prevented me from doing something stupid, if only for another day.

I know this was posted last year, but thank you
 
r u actually having suicidal ideations due to this? (just asking cos u didnt mention it!)
just to let u know, its totally normal to feel fairly low even for sometimes yrs clean from a drug, esp major ones like heroin (depending on the size of ur habit/length of time u used for)
its just part of PAWS (post acute withdrawl symptoms) - thats not to say its not an awful feeling!
the main thing is that ur not getting so depressed from the PAWS that ur having suicidal ideations
if u are then thats wen u need to reach out - hav u tried telling ur family how u feel? ud b surprised how theyd react if they luv u as much as it sounds like they do!

i take it uve read the OP? (not evryone does!) - if not, go do so now, i suggest, as thats where the main message is that will give anyone suicidal something to think about

PT - nothing wrong wiv counselling
we all do shit we regret.....doesnt mean were stupid, but if wateva 'stunt' u pulled was possibly able to put ur life in danger, yea a professional cud b just wat u nd
rather than looking at it as being 'forced' to see a counsellor, think of it as being given the opportunity to get help
 
I know one day its going to happen but it seemed years away. Lately everday though the thought looms in my head and the calender seems to grow shorter and shorter. I just don't know how long I can keep playing this game before I finally decide to end it.
 
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