If friends stop talkin to you because you get high are they real friends ?

[aac]

I don't know if I understood your question correctly but I think your asking more about the N.A. thing than about friends outside of the program. I've been going to N.A./A.A. for eight months now (clean almost nine) and I've found that people are just weary of new people in general. So many people come in, get a few phone numbers, and either never call or call a few times and then stop.

It's hard to become invested in someone emotionally (which I think just happens when you have a good friendship) when there's a chance they might go back out and then be cut out of your life. Personally, I try really hard to not have people in my day to day life who are actively using. That's not to say that I don't, but I really try to not become emotionally invested in people who are using because it always ends hurtful in my experience.

This whole thing just makes me think of the two people I've been closest to in the program other than my sponsor. One was a guy I was in treatment with and we were extremely close. Hung out all the time, hit up meetings together almost everyday, etc. He went back out about a month or two ago and it was really painful watching him almost immediately have consequences but want to continue using regardless. Another person I got really close to was a new girl. She ended up relapsing, and again it was really hard to watch and to just lose a friend in general. It's hard for me to find sober people my age, and when I do and we become close it's hard to then lose that friendship.

That's not to say I don't make friends with people in the program who have relapsed because I do, I was just trying to add my perspective.

Sorry if I totally misunderstood your question! If so just ignore me... la la la... nothing to see here...

 

[michael]

i have cut many friends out of my life because it became too painful to watch them destroy themselves further. and i am sure that i will have to do it again someday.

 

[villian]

i have cut many friends out of my life because it became too painful to watch them destroy themselves further. and i am sure that i will have to do it again someday.

yup. sometimes we don't notice how our actions take a toll on other people.

 

[jake99]

yeah guess ur rite

 

[brasil]

they're just trying to protect their selfs. It's hard to stay clean hanging out with frinds using around you. for most of us, ataying clean is the diference between a good life and a miserable life.

 

[Georgie25]

How long has it been since you got clean and went to detox?

 

[dirtyoldman]

if they your true friends they should try to help and if anything still be cool with u unless u are coppin/usin infront of them

just doesn't sound very supportive...

I'd think they'd want you/them to talk about it... why you relapsed... etc.


now if you mean they don't want to hang with you outside of meetings while you're actually using I can relate to that.

I know when I was quitting crack I didn't want to be around anybody using... even just walking by and smelling it outside the window... but I thought EVERYTHING smelled like crack-smoke (i.e. truck exhaust... anything with a chemical/burning smell)

 

[jake99]

well its good u can go back to meeetings and ppl are still there for them even if u tell them u relapsed. but not all of them . some dont wanna see u unlesss its at a mtg

 

[phactor]

Sounds like they do not think you are taking your sobriety seriously. Only you can correct that. If they still act like that then ignore them and find different people.

You sound like you are all "Me, Me, Me". Guess what, the world does not revolve around you. As addicts we tend to think that we are the center of the universe and everyone is trying to get us. Turns out that it is simply not true. We just have our heads stuck to far up our ass to figure out that some people really want to help.

 

[Bojangles69]

I'm sure some people would avoid you for that reason but not a lot.

NA people are still people, and still make mistakes. Like hanging out with people they know who are risky. And they do this if you have an infectious/funloving personality. Some people kinda can't resist.

If you are boring to be around, then they might be avoiding you for that (or other similar) reasons which you just attribute to your drug addiction. I still find as "in touch" people are at NA they are still mostly your dumb avg humans. My point being if you naturally attract people, you naturally attract people. If you don't, you don't. I think you're looking too far into it.

In my opinion when I'm on opiates I kinda tend to attract more people. And I know how I act damn well. I act optimistic, carefree, easy to be around, selfless blah blah blah. It depends on what aspects of your personality opiates bring out. I think very much what happened in your situation is you relapsed, went to NA and just felt bad, projected that negative energy outwards, which people reflected back to you.

Sort of like a whore going to church. People won't dislike her just because shes a whore (who really knows unless shes dressed like one? - which some do lol) but otherwise she will feel so ashamed going into church, like you likely felt ashamed going into NA... and people WILL reflect that negative energy back to you. Thats what I really think it is. Because I don't tend to avoid anyone because they're boring or risky, almost everyone opens up at some point and becomes more interesting in general. I think they honestly just treated you the way you expected bro. Don't look too far into it. When we're in bad moods we think people are treating us worse, when we're in a good mood its the opposite.

You were likely projecting negative shit outwards like that whore in church, and people didn't trust you because you gave off a vibe like you didn't even trust yourself. You know what I mean?

 

[jake99]

Very true Bo...........
I am doin a bit better now and feeling better as far as my friends go .
I have had ppl help way more when they see that i really wanna get better

 

[calmAnimal]

wow bo i like that perspective. i never thought about it to the extent. good shit mang.

 

[jake99]

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO where u at bro ? how r ya ??????????????????? so i recently realized theres no point in going to na/aa meetings when you are still using..................or lying about clean time/relapses....................

 

[silvercrimson]

no, because real true friends dont do shit like that. if they are upset with you, then they should tell you. to just stop talking to you, and not even let you know why, thats fucking dick in my book. its not only hurtful, its disrespectful. friends dont do that. these people arent your friends, they are anything but that. the whole na trip to me is a bunch of bullshit. im just speaknig from my own expierence. they think they are hot shit because they are working the steps, and they are sober. your shit if you dont want to do things thier way. sad but true, most of them were better when they were on drugs, sobriety turns them into fucking assholes, that noone wants to be around. like i said, im speaking from my expierence, i dont want anyone who may read this to take it the wrong way, or be offended.

 

[jake99]

i hear u man sux when thats only place u know to find support

 

[trychomes]

hope

^a full time job that is exhausting physically mentally and emotionally. i know

So hopefully after some more clean time, I will be stronger in all those areas. This is a nice thought because these days I'm lacking in all that.

 

[chitown rollin]

I don't buy into the whole AA/NA thing of that you shouldn't surround yourself with people who still do drugs. I still associate with people that do drugs and it doesn't both me because I really don't want to do drugs. on the other hand, if somebody is barely staying clean and it is an everyday struggle for them then I can see them not wanting to be around you. in any case they should be trying to help you out, not shunning you.

 

[infamousryan]

i went to rehab and came back and ditched all my friends pretty much. looking for new ones really.

my old ones are going nowhere with their lives, they sit around drinking and doing drugs. (THE SAME THING WE'VE BEEN DOING FOR THE LAST 10 YEARS WITH THE SAME PEOPLE!!)

got boring to me. stopped talking to my one friend when he started using H daily.

although i am kinda intrigued to get some from him, im not going to stoop as low as i was. because this kid just lost his mother due to pills. hes been taking them since he was 5.

so until he hits me up with a bit of a clean streak im going to stay away considering he owes 5 different dealers over $500 each.. he would get alot of pot on the front and then spend the money from the pot he owed, get more on the front to pay it back and spend that too

he would have alot if he didnt fuck with drugs.. everything down the tubes. living with his grandma.

same goes for all my former friends, they either do opiates, coke, h, meth, or get drunk every day

me myself i like to smoke a doobie, play some video games, talk about life, opiates occasionally (im on suboxone though). i wish i could find people that are content with their lives and not out to get fucked every day.

lets put it this way, if your friends stop talking to you because you're going to NA, you should tell them that you're just going with the program.. if youre serious about getting help then your friends are absolutely correct about not talking to you. you should be more concerned with YOURSELF NOT TALKING TO THEM. If they just want to get high off of you, they werent your true friends to begin with.

sort the friends you have by the ones that enjoy just hanging out. and make sure you let them know that theyre a great friend because they dont ask for anything else besides one anothers company (dont say it like that, however lol)

i myself, went to rehab, came back, told NO ONE!, and when i came back, my friends were even worse than when i went in. so i decided to call the scene quits. i dont go out of my way to get anything anymore. or pay money to be someplace and do somethng ive done a million times.

its really just a stage that you will grow out of..
im thankful i have my parents, as they are very good friends , my best friends right now. and they dont mind that i smoke pot as long as they dont see me doing any opiates.

if any of you would like to be my new friend and discuss various subjects about life, feel free to IM me on aim at infamous ryan 03

 

[jake99]

i hear u man .....................even tho i stopped talkin to anyone i used to use with , its still a struggle to stay clean , but it does help to be around clean ppl its just that sometimes N.a. ppl can be a little annoying if all they do is go to meetings...........but once in a while theyll play cards or go bowling or diner or stuff..............

 

[xstayfadedx]

People who are trying to remain clean usually do not want to be around others who use. Except there are NA lifers that are past the whole wanting to get high stage that they can hang around current users and help them on the right road to sobriety. Others who barely have been on the path cannot risk screwing up and relapsing so staying away from the "druggie" is a must. Trust me I have been clean at times during my past years of drug use but as soon as I was with a friend who used I was like oh yeah finally I can get high again. Even though I tried to tell myself no my addiction told me otherwise.

In the end it comes down to whether you're the friend not whether they're. Are you willing to risk their sobriety because you decided to use again? Or will you shy away from them until you can get your act together again? Just a thought.