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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

If friends stop talkin to you because you get high are they real friends ?

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jake99

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i have fuond that when i went to n.a. and told ppl that i had relapsed before a lot of them would seem to stay away from me , i dont know if it is just bc they were scared of themself relapsing (people places things) or what but i felt like they looked down at me for it and felt like they were 2 good to be around someone who kept relapsing........what do u guys think? if u are using but you still act like the same person you would and you dont use in front of ppl that arent cool with seeing it , do you see any reason real friends should not want to talk /be around you ? i can see if you are like smokin crack or something but im sayin if you use opiates and you arent around them dopesick or noddin out , you are just using and basically "normal" to you (feeling good not real high , not sick) and you arent putting anyone in danger ( by driving and nodding or whatever) then why should friends not wanna be aruond you ? i just think "heroin" has this stigma that if you are using it you are a junkie and you couldnt possibly use it and still be cool to be around...............its ashame ppl think of it that way
 
they likely think you arent taking your sobriety seriously. getting high does have consequences. if this happened after one relapse that kinda sucks but if you started getting high again with no intentions to get sober i understand what theyre doing.
 
How does it affect them if you arent trying to get them to do anything with you and you are same person you are whether you are clean or not ...........(personality wise) .................ppl just assume if someone is using that they are going to be a scumbag junkie but this isnt always the case
 
it probabably has nothing to do with the fact you've relapsed, you're behavior is likely totally different when you're using.. whether you think so or not, you probably just don't notice it cuz you lie to yourself to protect your addiction

so technically it has everything to do with the fact you relapsed
 
Some people don't want anyone around them who is using. If you look like you just shot heroin, even if you didn't necessarily, you are probably going to make most people in an NA program start to fiend.

It's very easy to notice the indications that someone is high once you have done it yourself often enough.

It could be that they just don't want to think "oh, now all I have to do is go with this person I met in NA to go get more dope for the first time in how long???? It has to get me high now!" = this kind of thinking causes a lot of people to relapse.

It's part of the mental game people play with themselves as they battle through a hard drug addiction.

If you aren't feeling good but you know you relapsed, but you want people to still talk to you at NA, just tell them you are struggling, how hard it is for you to go throughout the day without anything to keep you "up", etc. without alluding to the fact that you "relapsed" by doing whatever/however much you did.

jake99 said:
How does it affect them if you arent trying to get them to do anything with you and you are same person you are whether you are clean or not ...........(personality wise) .................ppl just assume if someone is using that they are going to be a scumbag junkie but this isnt always the case
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It probably has nothing to do with you.

If they were desperate enough, and they knew this about themselves, they would either have to totally avoid you (so as to avoid saying "HEY can I get your dude's number? Can I go to cop with you?" and to stay clean) or they would relapse themselves.

Some people are just that in touch with themselves.
 
Before asking this question, you need to firstly define your friendships into different groups and categories.

I have friends I get high with and friends I don't.

Some friends have different qualities and we meet at that level.

If you have friends that you can't not meet on any level with finding no common ground then no you are not friends and are wasting time on each other.
 
Ive been around friends that have given up IV coke, opiate and meth habit. If they where off even to the point where they would never go back id always atleast leave the room (if they where livin with me i wasent leavin the house) when id go and do a shot. One guy i lived with for awile had been off IV coke for about 10 years and although he said it didnt bother him at all id just go back to my room to do a shot. It wasent that i was afraid of him relapsing (that wasent gonna happen) it was just a courtesy thing no different then some people not liking the smell of smoke or whatever kinda.

So i see no reason why you should stop being friends with someone that is using unless the person is shoving the stuff down your throat. I had a big problem with this when i first gave up drinking. People still expected me to be the guy drinking down a 12 pack or whatever and would put open beers in front of me. When i told them i had quit theyd say 1 beer can't hurt you. Guess they where right but it's not like i was gonna have 1 beer now was it :\

So yeah i lost most of my friends when i gave up drinking and i now only hang around the ones that accept that i just don't wanna drink. I mean i don't care if someones drinking just don't shove a open beer in my face after ive told you i fucking quit :! . I woulda glassed people for being less insulting then that when i was younger. Too mellow for that these days ;) . You do find out who your real friends are pretty quick when your coming off something and you need abit of help. When i was going through a real rough patch i found out i had alot of drinking and drug buddies but when i didnt wanna party they wherent my friends.

So yeah with friends that only come around you to get drunk or high who the fuck needs enemies :p
 
I just mean like if someone has a habit (opiate for example) and they used on a regular basis and it just made them not sick , then why would it bother someone else if they didnt use in front of them and the person didnt even seem high ?
 
i thought you went to rehab to get clean? i guess i missed the most recent part of your saga.

anyways, my question to you is: why are you trying to hang out with ppl that arent getting high if you are getting high? for me i always wanna be around ppl that are in the same mind state as i am.

also you seem to imply that you are not getting high, just not being "sick", does that mean your on suboxone or subutex or something like that?
 
If they're scared of getting arrested, relapsing or seeing you fuck up your life, then yes--they could still be real friends.

However, if they just ditch you or judge you because they disagree with the PRINCIPAL of using drugs, they're most likely not the type of people you want as friends.
 
@animal i dont wanna talk about what is up with me, i just was talking abuot in general because in past when using a lot of friends would stop talking to me, even if they didnt know i was using or i didnt use around them
 
I believe a "true" friend would help pull you out of it. They may think you're a sketchy person and like the above poster said they may not like the principal of having a friend who does heroin or they think that you're immature and can't man up and control your drugs. Just my 2 cents.
 
lostNfound said:
Before asking this question, you need to firstly define your friendships into different groups and categories.

I have friends I get high with and friends I don't.

Some friends have different qualities and we meet at that level.

If you have friends that you can't not meet on any level with finding no common ground then no you are not friends and are wasting time on each other.
Click to expand...

You need to qualify at what level are these people on your friendship ladder.

Hang out and know your parents or just someone you hang out with as an acquaintance? Because they are the latter ...who gives a fuck what they think.

If these are true friends and I was in your situation, I would probably sit down with them one on one and talk. Maybe it can shed some light on it and show your friends that you value your friendship with them to make an effort to face interpersonal communications issues. Because after all, if you are trying to recover, you need to learn how to communicate your feelings in a constructive manner. That is my 2 cents :)
 
if sucks to have to hide an addiction from so many ppl , its becomes exhausting , and not fun
 
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