Drugs don't necessarily make us "happy" I don't think. It is just that they make us feel different, maybe even better, for a little while. Life is good, right? I don't think so. I understand why people commit suicide. I tried once, last December, with my car on in the garage but they found me before I could die.
I'm really tired of chasing, though. I can't afford it anymore. The economy, at least in Cali, has fucked my fam and I up the ass. I can't spend money on drugs that I have to spend on bills. So I just can't get high.
Sitting here sober makes me think suicide is a viable option. I am on Lexapro. I guess that's is helping me more than I realize. There are folks on this board who would love for me to kill myself. They may come in behind me and post DO IT.
Life is supposed to be good, it's a gift, I should love it, and I should be happy. I'm not depressed, I'm just not happy. I can't go anywhere or do anything. I had a nice little drug binge and its over. Now I have no way to have another drug binge. There's some alcohol here but I don't like alcohol.
I've tried church because that's suppose to be what makes people happy. I always hear people say that worshiping God will bring you peace. For a while it did. Then it wore off. Just like a drug does.
I can't commit suicide because my mom is 72 and she needs me. If I died now, I would cause her more pain than she could take and I won't.
If my mom was already gone, I have a loaded gun right here. Right now. I'd be gone too.