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TDS Ideation & Crisis Support

Unfortunately, I don't think i'm going to achieve my goal of 420 posts. I've fought my addictions long enough. I've given up everything I've ever loved to protect it from me. You see, I'm a monster that can't be fixed. I'm not gay, but it has given me gay tendencies, but only when I'm on crack/meth.

I've attempted suicide more times than I can count with my fingers. I'm a big ole pussy, though. I can't seem to finish.

Before anyone says I shouldn't do it yada yada it's just my time. I :heart5:you guys/gals.

Also, no more sad sack story BS. It's all fun and games now.
Sad Cry GIF by MOODMAN


Edit: Suicide's off the table. Thanks BL
 
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1tbps said:
Unfortunately, I don't think i'm going to achieve my goal of 420 posts. I've fought my addictions long enough. I've given up everything I've ever loved to protect it from me. You see, I'm a monster that can't be fixed. I'm not gay, but it has given me gay tendencies, but only when I'm on crack/meth.

I have cuts all over me, my neck is bruised from ropes, I've attempted suicide more times than I can count with my fingers. I'm a big ole pussy, though. I can't seem to finish. I have a new plan, though. Did some research and found a 'suicide in a bag kit'. Basically, it's just a bag with a tube in it that connect to some inert gas. I'm choosing argon or maybe helium, not sure about the gas, yet. From what I've read, it's supposed to be pretty peaceful.

Before anyone says I shouldn't do it yada yada it's just my time. I :heart5:you guys/gals. I'll be here for a little bit more, while I wait for my package.

Also, no more sad sack story BS. It's all fun and games now.
Click to expand...
 
deficiT said:
For the first time in a while, I have a plan. Stood in my kitchen for a good 5-10 minutes in a trance developing it in my mind. I still don't know if I have the heart to go through with it, but things are just beginning to be too much.

I've lost three jobs this past year. Jobs monkeys could do. Bluelight was a safe place for me, but it's become nothing but strife, partially of my own doing, and there's nothing I can do to fix it. The love of my life is dead. My wife left me two years ago. I can't get away from this legal trouble. Can't get my music to sound right. Can't find any friends. I'm feeling like there really is nothing here for me and that my existence is merely a chore for others.

The ideation has at this point reached it's zenith and I'm feeling as bad as I've ever felt.
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I don't wanna be negative or pessimistic in anyway but oh man, the economy is gonna get a lot fucking worse next year. The whole world is in a state of bad recession right now and to put the cherry on top, the US economy is about to have the worst economic crash in history. It's gonna be much worse than the 1930 one or the 2008 crash, xomething never seen before.
They are speculating the Elite will try to impose the NWO when the economy soon goes to shit worldwide, ok I'm derailing too much from the topic.
I have the same approach like you towards life rn,, I don't care about anything or anyone anymore. I don't see any way out to my problems, not even drugs help out with this depression I got but something tells me to keep going and you should do the same brother.
We got nothing to lose anyway huh? Let's just continúe to see what happens, if things get way too fucked up...there's always a sweet hotshot waiting for us to sleep in peace. But till this day comes, let's just carry on living this uncertainty game.
 
1tbps said:
Unfortunately, I don't think i'm going to achieve my goal of 420 posts. I've fought my addictions long enough. I've given up everything I've ever loved to protect it from me. You see, I'm a monster that can't be fixed. I'm not gay, but it has given me gay tendencies, but only when I'm on crack/meth.

I have cuts all over me, my neck is bruised from ropes, I've attempted suicide more times than I can count with my fingers. I'm a big ole pussy, though. I can't seem to finish. I have a new plan, though. Did some research and found a 'suicide in a bag kit'. Basically, it's just a bag with a tube in it that connect to some inert gas. I'm choosing argon or maybe helium, not sure about the gas, yet. From what I've read, it's supposed to be pretty peaceful.

Before anyone says I shouldn't do it yada yada it's just my time. I :heart5:you guys/gals. I'll be here for a little bit more, while I wait for my package.

Also, no more sad sack story BS. It's all fun and games now.
Sad Cry GIF by MOODMAN
Click to expand...
I'm sorry you're hurting like this friend. You may not believe me but it can get better, yada yada, etc.

I've regretted all of my suicide attempts deeply.
 
1tbps said:
I appreciate the reply. Wish I could say the same.
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Universe is billions of years old. Molecules come together to form a human for less than a 100 years for most of us. Which is so minuscule on that scale it's effectively nothing. So you're gonna die, I guarantee it, and your life will have been the shortest tiniest blip imaginable, which includes the suffering. So, just let it end by itself naturally, no point speeding up something which already happens so fast you can barely see it. Just focus on the non-suffering moments while you can and ignore the shit bits, even if they make up the most of it. While you're still able to talk, think, do things and control your body, you can still create and enjoy good moments and times.
 
CFC said:
Universe is billions of years old. Molecules come together to form a human for less than a 100 years for most of us. Which is so minuscule on that scale it's effectively nothing. So you're gonna die, I guarantee it, and your life will have been the shortest tiniest blip imaginable, which includes the suffering. So, just let it end by itself naturally, no point speeding up something which already happens so fast you can barely see it. Just focus on the non-suffering moments while you can and ignore the shit bits, even if they make up the most of it. While you're still able to talk, think, do things and control your body, you can still create and enjoy good moments and times.
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^^ excellent point
 
Had too many suicides in my life over the past couple of years.

If I'd known they were going to do it, I would have done everything I could to save them.

There's a lot of love in the world.

You are not alone.

If you're feeling down, reach out and open up to someone.

I tend to come and go around here but when I'm not on hiatus: my door is always open.

<3
 
bird.brain said:
Had too many suicides in my life over the past couple of years.

If I'd known they were going to do it, I would have done everything I could to save them.

There's a lot of love in the world.

You are not alone.

If you're feeling down, reach out and open up to someone.

I tend to come and go around here but when I'm not on hiatus: my door is always open.

<3
Click to expand...
Wise words.

You're the only bird that I believe is real.
 
Time wake us just to fall asleep, what's point. Yes = life is more curvable than eternal oblivion just as our womb period but is 2023 almost, in 2 days ( Europe).. and I might as well give up than wait out, I just got nothing to die nor live for.

Starting from traveling to cinetics such as a simple glass of cold water, to films.. music to like long short.

a convertable car with a teddy bear in other seat, but the Kafka's way.
 
ConeyIslandBaby said:
I live almost entirely for other people. Woke up kicking today. Im letting everyone down. I think essentially Im subconsciously killing myself so I dont have to take responsibility for outright doing it. INstead Im just copping out saying "Im doing opiates again" not trying to die. Im just waiting for that hot bag, I know a lot of people here think I am a joke or disgusting, but I am really just trying to reach out. My kid died a few years back, so I just have one now. I dont think I can deal with it.
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Hey I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Please hang in there and remember your life has value and can change for the better. Idk who you're referring to but I don't know, but you're not a joke to me, you're someone desperately reaching out for help.

I've been dependent on opioids for 8 years. I know the struggle. I'm just finally getting out of it after years of tapering off and on, switching to kratom, etc. Please consider getting on maintenance, and don't hesitate to reach out through DM.

I can't say I'll always be able to respond immediately or have the right things to say, but I can be an ear for you if needed, and if it's more urgent you can reach me on discord at deficiT#2150
 
ConeyIslandBaby said:
I live almost entirely for other people. Woke up kicking today. Im letting everyone down. I think essentially Im subconsciously killing myself so I dont have to take responsibility for outright doing it. INstead Im just copping out saying "Im doing opiates again" not trying to die. Im just waiting for that hot bag, I know a lot of people here think I am a joke or disgusting, but I am really just trying to reach out. My kid died a few years back, so I just have one now. I dont think I can deal with it.
Click to expand...

That's the thing with hard drug use though, it's just a long drawn out suicide. Hopefully, if it's long and drawn out enough, you can stop it before the final conclusion. But losing a kid is hard. I feel your pain there...
 
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