I want to kill myself. nothing can ease my pain. I am in withdrawal from 3 shots. It was the first time that I took this. I dream of dying and I am getting closer to it. Suicide is not easy. I am getting closer to hanging. I hope not Missing me. Every day is a terrible fight. To say that I had a life a few months ago and suddenly a neuroleptic took me. I'm not going to ask you to help me die but I would like. I'm better when I tell myself that I'm going to die. I would like to cry for help but alas there is no remedy or anyone who can help me. I have a family who will suffer if I die but that does not hold back so much I suffer mentally. I started putting a cloth around my neck to see what could happen if I hung myself. that my future will be zero.what a relief when i tell myself that i am going to kill myself.i hope that the hanging is not as painful as they say.
-
The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines Bereavement Mindfulness Suicide Support Anger Management -
TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android
TDS Ideation & Crisis Support
- Thread starter ocean
- Start date
I truly hope you do not go through with this, as hanging is a horrible way to die. It's not instant. You will feel much panic and regret and physical pain. I have a friend who attempted suicide this way and survived, and he said it was the worst thing imaginable. Please don't do it.
You need to give yourself more time to recover from the invega. I know it seems like hell, but things will get better.
If only, I wish so much that it improves! given the comments on invega I'm afraid of never finding my brain at 100% like many people, I know that its little to improve and that suicidal thoughts are part of the withdrawal and which fade for many.but the wait is long, 7,8,9,10,12 months before it fades, 2 years to wait before having an improvement? I'm afraid of having consequences and of no longer being the man that I was before these injections, afraid that 3 years would pass before being at least recovered, afraid of saying goodbye to my pre-invented projects, afraid of recovering only 50% like some, I tell myself what's the use of living if it's to be only 50% of yourself. Thank you for the advice on hanging, it makes me think about it a bit
AbbeyLee
Bluelighter
I personally know a guy who tried to hang himself, was rescued and the lack of oxygen to the brain left him a vegetable. My drug and alcohol counsellor told me he had a patient where the same thing had happened. He also told me about a woman who threw herself in front of a train at the wrong moment and survived.. With both legs needing amputation
I don't really even entertain thoughts of suicide anymore because it's easy to just make things worse. That's a horrible realisation but it's also kind of liberating. At least it takes away one scary thing my mind can fixate on.
yes, these stories of sequelae after a suicide attempt have scared me until today, you are right there is a good chance of missing out and making things worse but you know my pain is so enormous that I tell myself that I could be one of those people who succeed in their suicides and it's like my determination took over. It's like I no longer had the strength to fight against that, like I was point of no return.I personally know a guy who tried to hang himself, was rescued and the lack of oxygen to the brain left him a vegetable. My drug and alcohol counsellor told me he had a patient where the same thing had happened. He also told me about a woman who threw herself in front of a train at the wrong moment and survived.. With both legs needing amputation
I don't really even entertain thoughts of suicide anymore because it's easy to just make things worse. That's a horrible realisation but it's also kind of liberating. At least it takes away one scary thing my mind can fixate on.
AbbeyLee
Bluelighter
I'm sorry
I hope you can hold on. Last year I had this awful feeling like it was somehow inevitable. My mind wasn't functioning properly (I relapsed bigtime with alcohol after having my benzos stopped suddenly, cold turkey.) I'm diabetic and my electrolytes (?) were all out of whack.
Anyway for months I felt like I was living this bad dream and all roads led to me being compulsively driven to suicide. I tried to think of ways to do it and couldn't come up with anything, but felt a time would come when I would just run out into traffic or something
It was awful.I still feel like crap a lot, but not like that. Just my usual anxiety/panic, depression and craving for substances.
thank you, I hope you will be better and that you find this path to maybe a gradual cessation of substances ,I don't know if it's the key to being able to feel better, I feel like shit tooI'm sorry
Last year I had this awful feeling like it was somehow inevitable. My mind wasn't functioning properly (I relapsed bigtime with alcohol after having my benzos stopped suddenly, cold turkey.) I'm diabetic and my electrolytes (?) were all out of whack.
Anyway for months I felt like I was living this bad dream and all roads led to me being compulsively driven to suicide. I tried to think of ways to do it and couldn't come up with anything, but felt a time would come when I would just run out into traffic or something
I still feel like crap a lot, but not like that. Just my usual anxiety/panic, depression and craving for substances.
Eligiu
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Jul 8, 2017
- Messages
- 1,428
I am not suicidal. Yet. My 'plan review' happened a couple of weeks ago for my government funding I receive for disabilties to pay for support and therapy.
We finally got the Agency to accept my complex PTSD as a secondary Psychosocial impairment, which should mean my funding almost doubles from what it originally was (which I missed out on initially because the person making my plan monumentally fucked up, so there's that).
At the planning meeting I asked for the vast, vast majority of therapy money to be for my recent autism diagnosis. They accepted that. I didn't ask for a ridiculous amount, which she stated. She said I was more than reasonable.
I asked for 2 single things for my Psychosocial impairment. One, counselling (for when my free counselling service ends as I will still need it) and two, postive behaviour support (which is a type of therapy and funding used to minimise and eliminate harmful behaviours of concern that participants engage with, of which I have several high impact ones - severe self harm, IV drug use, suicide attempts, mania, depression, psychosis). I've been told it's a no to both, but for completely contradictory reasons.
I can't have counselling as it's expected that as a Psychosocial (mental health) participant that in order for me to have gained access for this impairment, I have 'exhausted all therapy options'
It's also deemed a duplication of supports provided by my autism Psychologist which is absurd considering one would treat trauma, the other autism. And if I had a physical disability and autism they wouldn't be arguing that my physiotherapy was a duplication of psychology - it's not my fault that both my impairments require similar providers for therapy, with vastly different skillsets.
And I was told no to positive behaviour support because I am required to 'exhaust all mainstream therapy options' before this therapy will be funded.
And I was dumbfounded because I could not fathom how the planner didn't see her huge glaring contradiction. Have I or have I not exhausted all mainstream therapy services for my complex PTSD? It can't possibly be both.
They've been trying to reduce funding for psychosocial disabilities for a while now under the radar and this is so typical of how they'd do it. Grant someone access, and refuse to fund anything for the impairment.
The worst thing is I'm actually more fucked now than I was before I had it listed as an impairment - the planner legitimately told me to 'call mental health triage' in a crisis for self harm and what not. MHT will refer me to community mental health services.
CMH have two sorts of clients they support. Firstly and longer term, people who have severe mental health issues but do not qualify for government funding for whatever reasons - severity, time spent in treatment, age, etc. They support this group pretty Intensely for a while. The other group is people like me last year when I was their client. People who do qualify for government funding from the outset but never knew they did. So they stream them to application services and handle them short term.
So what happens? They find out I have the funding within a couple of minutes talking to me when the workers come round to meet me then they inform me that there's no real point me further engaging with them as they can't provide ongoing long term support as I'm already under the funding (which I don't have lol) but on paper I do, as they need to prioritise people who do not. And they can't help me short term because I've already been streamed through that process.
So I've now been shut out of state government community mental health services.
There's no mainstream supports available. Not for my issues.
I'm honestly feeling despondent. Everyone I spoke to and showed the report to detailing the extent of my harmful behaviours told me I would get this funded non-issue, and they had experience with positive behaviour support.
I've written a letter to my minister for parliament begging him for help but I don't even know what he will be able to do for me, if anything.
I don't actually know how long I'll survive without this funding. I tried to kill myself twice last year and planned to a third time. I hate this.
We finally got the Agency to accept my complex PTSD as a secondary Psychosocial impairment, which should mean my funding almost doubles from what it originally was (which I missed out on initially because the person making my plan monumentally fucked up, so there's that).
At the planning meeting I asked for the vast, vast majority of therapy money to be for my recent autism diagnosis. They accepted that. I didn't ask for a ridiculous amount, which she stated. She said I was more than reasonable.
I asked for 2 single things for my Psychosocial impairment. One, counselling (for when my free counselling service ends as I will still need it) and two, postive behaviour support (which is a type of therapy and funding used to minimise and eliminate harmful behaviours of concern that participants engage with, of which I have several high impact ones - severe self harm, IV drug use, suicide attempts, mania, depression, psychosis). I've been told it's a no to both, but for completely contradictory reasons.
I can't have counselling as it's expected that as a Psychosocial (mental health) participant that in order for me to have gained access for this impairment, I have 'exhausted all therapy options'
It's also deemed a duplication of supports provided by my autism Psychologist which is absurd considering one would treat trauma, the other autism. And if I had a physical disability and autism they wouldn't be arguing that my physiotherapy was a duplication of psychology - it's not my fault that both my impairments require similar providers for therapy, with vastly different skillsets.
And I was told no to positive behaviour support because I am required to 'exhaust all mainstream therapy options' before this therapy will be funded.
And I was dumbfounded because I could not fathom how the planner didn't see her huge glaring contradiction. Have I or have I not exhausted all mainstream therapy services for my complex PTSD? It can't possibly be both.
They've been trying to reduce funding for psychosocial disabilities for a while now under the radar and this is so typical of how they'd do it. Grant someone access, and refuse to fund anything for the impairment.
The worst thing is I'm actually more fucked now than I was before I had it listed as an impairment - the planner legitimately told me to 'call mental health triage' in a crisis for self harm and what not. MHT will refer me to community mental health services.
CMH have two sorts of clients they support. Firstly and longer term, people who have severe mental health issues but do not qualify for government funding for whatever reasons - severity, time spent in treatment, age, etc. They support this group pretty Intensely for a while. The other group is people like me last year when I was their client. People who do qualify for government funding from the outset but never knew they did. So they stream them to application services and handle them short term.
So what happens? They find out I have the funding within a couple of minutes talking to me when the workers come round to meet me then they inform me that there's no real point me further engaging with them as they can't provide ongoing long term support as I'm already under the funding (which I don't have lol) but on paper I do, as they need to prioritise people who do not. And they can't help me short term because I've already been streamed through that process.
So I've now been shut out of state government community mental health services.
There's no mainstream supports available. Not for my issues.
I'm honestly feeling despondent. Everyone I spoke to and showed the report to detailing the extent of my harmful behaviours told me I would get this funded non-issue, and they had experience with positive behaviour support.
I've written a letter to my minister for parliament begging him for help but I don't even know what he will be able to do for me, if anything.
I don't actually know how long I'll survive without this funding. I tried to kill myself twice last year and planned to a third time. I hate this.
too hard today, I have to kill myself, fed up, suffering, I'm probably waiting to be alone to do this. fed up with this life, invega makes me suffer worse than anything, I won't hold on, I'm sorry and disgusted for my family, I am bitter, I would like to apologize to them for my future act, I would like them to comfort themselves the day I kill myself, telling themselves that it was better this way, that I could not no longer suffer like this. I would like to resist for them but I can't stand the failure that my invega makes me live. The humiliation he makes me suffer. There is a hope of recovery but I can't resist this suffering, I want to live , to pass in the other world is to take advantage of my mother and the other members of my family. this life on this planet is dramatic and sad. I had 3 injections. The labs are criminals and it will be like this for a long time to come, until God decides to stop it. I hope to find peace with my death, go through this tunnel, see this light and to be welcomed by the Great God and members of my family as well as friends. pray that I find this peace. I am afraid that the Great God will forgive me for my gesture, I think he understands my suffering, I hope to be welcomed. I'm going to make people sad at his food, but I think it's time, not because I want to but because e that I really suffer too much. I love you my family, youcef.
Nas47
Road-Weary Traveler
Hell man....How old are you?Can't imagine a drug,that supposed to heal you,instead of this hurt you in anyway.That's why i hate all psychiatric meds-they can put you even in a bigger hole,than before.Please talk to professionals...i just don't know what to advice you,cause i don''t know the drug except,that it is an antipsychotic.There is always some kind an exit-another med,substantianal changes in life,learning to think proper,learning how not to think at all,find a proper person.....find a way out.Tommorow is another day.I wish you peace my friend!
I am 36 years old. I do not take medication, I do not know if it will help me
stardust.hero
Bluelight Crew
an injection medication
Jerry Atrick
Bluelight Crew
@Fanzy Please stop and think about the long term repercussions suicide would have rather than the short term pain relief.
I don't know where you are located but please, I encourage you to view the below post and find a Suicide Hotline or other Mental Health hotline and give them a call. I know being suicidal comes when one feels they have nothing more to lose. I know this because I have been there. Please, a simple phone call is free, so what do you have to lose?
bluelight.org
I don't know where you are located but please, I encourage you to view the below post and find a Suicide Hotline or other Mental Health hotline and give them a call. I know being suicidal comes when one feels they have nothing more to lose. I know this because I have been there. Please, a simple phone call is free, so what do you have to lose?
Mental Health - Mental Health Resources/Treatment Options/Community Assistance
Useful links to Hotlines and websites, Needle Exchanges, Harm Reduction Organizations, Mental Health Resources, Crisis Care and Medical facilities by region: Drug and alcohol treatment services in Australia: New South Wales: Mental Health and Drug and Alcohol Office (MHDAO) Northern...
bluelight.org
I will do my best but dying and ending up in heaven is better than my state@Fanzy Please stop and think about the long term repercussions suicide would have rather than the short term pain relief.
I don't know where you are located but please, I encourage you to view the below post and find a Suicide Hotline or other Mental Health hotline and give them a call. I know being suicidal comes when one feels they have nothing more to lose. I know this because I have been there. Please, a simple phone call is free, so what do you have to lose?
Mental Health - Mental Health Resources/Treatment Options/Community Assistance
Useful links to Hotlines and websites, Needle Exchanges, Harm Reduction Organizations, Mental Health Resources, Crisis Care and Medical facilities by region: Drug and alcohol treatment services in Australia: New South Wales: Mental Health and Drug and Alcohol Office (MHDAO) Northern...
Nas47
Road-Weary Traveler
If you are a christian,/or maybe muslim or jewish/ commiting suicide is a sin,cause it's not your decision,when your life will end.Heaven or hell are may be here-in the land of living.Please listen to advice of mr.Atrick and made a phonecall to some Suicide hotline.Chatting is one thing,but hearing an encouraging voice and advice is nessesery in your situation.Going to some meetings is even better.
I think some suicide can be in heaven
Nas47
Road-Weary Traveler
Well i don't know nothing about this,cause no body returns from death...or atleast I don't know such person.There is a lot of people in situation like yours for sure.Even me personaly often think about that,but i know,that inner voices whispering in my ears-"Do it!Jump!Stop the suffer" is not coming from me actually.You are still young.Must have your life back.