Camomill
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2026
- Messages
- 78
Hello, I just wanted to ask if people on here have had some strange experiences regarding the topic in the header.
I always felt a little weird about psychedelics as my first trip was with early 13 years of age.
It was. an actual breakthroughh trip and I sometimes have a weird unexplainable feeling about me before and after psychedelics.
I guess everyone is alone most of the time, but people around me seem to disagree.
My life's kinda falling apart anyways at the moment but I know that is completely normal, as there is not the biggest chance for me fitting into the society I am currently located at. I just hope the state don't put me into jail o r something, it would only get worse I can imagine...
I feel kind of okay as long as I am on psychedelics. But I also feel like society I live in wouldn't give me a break. As soon as i have a break of the sessions something tragic/miserable happens. Like getting ripped off, or someone close to me dying, being abused by someone. It turned sour like the conincidences got so much more weirder than they had already been anyways
Really don't know if psychedelics are a good defense mechanism against other humans.
After tripping hard at 13 years old and 14 years old onwards, maybe a few breaks here and there, I really started with the youthful idealism and trying to get to some point.
I might have felt unneedingly superior than some people. And I guess they felt the same towards me. It really is just that I am some kind of strange psychic minority by circumstances that I don't think I could have controlled anyways.
At 20 years old ca. I did some wild things due to idealism and psychs I think. But I didn't physically harm anyone, and I felt no repercussions except from friends I've hurt unfortunately. It was mostly just 'entartete Kunst' (how its called here) I guess. Now I just feel so far gone, like I turn on social media and it seems like a joke most of the time. I don't watch TV except for a single show at my mothers that she likes (she is the only one left in my family).
All my friends have basically left me alone for different reasons. Mostly because they found a significant other. Which I'm happy about but yeah I'm f****** alone, that is for sure.
It's almost feeling like while people my age (about 30) normally would become independant, I am still searching for a society in which I could also do so. While most people feel comfortable with the state of the society I can barely accept most simple things it seems. Most of the time I#m actually shocked about how brutalized and inhumane it seems to be functioning to me on the most basic levels.
Like someone at the supermarket sitting at the cash register. And when those people feel contempt it actually scares me. Like people have been braindead at the beginning of the century here already.
They do not seem to be very much of the harder thinking kind since then. Good that we remember those tragic times of back then, but I doubt it won't happen again, although I wish so...
Like my last flat I was in I was waking up 3 times a night because my neighbor was just stomping instead of walking. I told him so and he laughed in my face, acting like I#m too sensitive or something. Once I told the landlord he told me I'm imagining so. This put me off so far that I had to film it to actually believe it. I then threatened him with a letter that said it hat to be silent in the night or I would hhave payed less. Suddenly it was silent.
Like the only language some (many it seems?) people understand is of the violent kind?
It sickens me.
And I noticed my landlord had been in my flat without telling me so (which is not allowed in this country) and he found my psychs in the fridge probably and then told me I would imagine the reasons for my complaining. Before that he was more neutral, but as soon as I noticed he was getting in there I noticed the difference.
It is almost like racism, also the music I listen to is mostly alternative or psychedelic and I feel like this is almost illegal here? Although it is of course not the case actually, but it just feels like it, but I cut that down as I only listen on closed headphones already.
I mean I don't see much of a future in a society that treats me like some insane person just because of the drugs I use. (not because of the actions I take)
Maybe it'll turn around or something, but I really doubt it after this year. Like there have to be some crazy good surprises this year or I'm basically f***** lol...
Yeah watch out with the idealism on the psychs early on, I really did some crazy things artwise it was a bit extreme I guess, but back then it looked so clear that there is something wrong here and I imagined maybe I can put some good effort into changing a thing or two.
It was probably also my own ego, but some things.... they were not possible to ignore.
Meanwhile I notice different friends from back then either ending up dead or hooked on heavy pain medications like ketamine or opiods or whatever.
Others are like going to prostitutes or whatever.
Like is it normal to get heavily traumatized basically between 20 to 30 years in age? And therefore reacting in some kind of disregard for other people and like letting the system really get you, so you have some chance of fulfilliing reproduction or something.
Like it seems so animalistic compared to my youth even though I take way less risks than back then...
Anyone heard of group dynamics? Is it normal to be handled like a weak human when I naturally trust new people that come into my life?
Because 9 times out of 10 they seem to heavily stab in the back after the shortest time.
But I really can't do any different? It is just baseline for me, I'm not the biggest cloak and dagger person but it seems like you kind of have to be?
Like don't say a word or they'll take notice of you? Is this society kind of brutalized? Or the just scared themselves and are afraid of me?
Like I barely get these people anymore, they all seem like a bunch of aliens to me. basically
Sorry for rambling, I'm not hijacking a thread though, I hope its ok like this...
I always felt a little weird about psychedelics as my first trip was with early 13 years of age.
It was. an actual breakthroughh trip and I sometimes have a weird unexplainable feeling about me before and after psychedelics.
I guess everyone is alone most of the time, but people around me seem to disagree.
My life's kinda falling apart anyways at the moment but I know that is completely normal, as there is not the biggest chance for me fitting into the society I am currently located at. I just hope the state don't put me into jail o r something, it would only get worse I can imagine...
I feel kind of okay as long as I am on psychedelics. But I also feel like society I live in wouldn't give me a break. As soon as i have a break of the sessions something tragic/miserable happens. Like getting ripped off, or someone close to me dying, being abused by someone. It turned sour like the conincidences got so much more weirder than they had already been anyways
Really don't know if psychedelics are a good defense mechanism against other humans.
After tripping hard at 13 years old and 14 years old onwards, maybe a few breaks here and there, I really started with the youthful idealism and trying to get to some point.
I might have felt unneedingly superior than some people. And I guess they felt the same towards me. It really is just that I am some kind of strange psychic minority by circumstances that I don't think I could have controlled anyways.
At 20 years old ca. I did some wild things due to idealism and psychs I think. But I didn't physically harm anyone, and I felt no repercussions except from friends I've hurt unfortunately. It was mostly just 'entartete Kunst' (how its called here) I guess. Now I just feel so far gone, like I turn on social media and it seems like a joke most of the time. I don't watch TV except for a single show at my mothers that she likes (she is the only one left in my family).
All my friends have basically left me alone for different reasons. Mostly because they found a significant other. Which I'm happy about but yeah I'm f****** alone, that is for sure.
It's almost feeling like while people my age (about 30) normally would become independant, I am still searching for a society in which I could also do so. While most people feel comfortable with the state of the society I can barely accept most simple things it seems. Most of the time I#m actually shocked about how brutalized and inhumane it seems to be functioning to me on the most basic levels.
Like someone at the supermarket sitting at the cash register. And when those people feel contempt it actually scares me. Like people have been braindead at the beginning of the century here already.
They do not seem to be very much of the harder thinking kind since then. Good that we remember those tragic times of back then, but I doubt it won't happen again, although I wish so...
Like my last flat I was in I was waking up 3 times a night because my neighbor was just stomping instead of walking. I told him so and he laughed in my face, acting like I#m too sensitive or something. Once I told the landlord he told me I'm imagining so. This put me off so far that I had to film it to actually believe it. I then threatened him with a letter that said it hat to be silent in the night or I would hhave payed less. Suddenly it was silent.
Like the only language some (many it seems?) people understand is of the violent kind?
It sickens me.
And I noticed my landlord had been in my flat without telling me so (which is not allowed in this country) and he found my psychs in the fridge probably and then told me I would imagine the reasons for my complaining. Before that he was more neutral, but as soon as I noticed he was getting in there I noticed the difference.
It is almost like racism, also the music I listen to is mostly alternative or psychedelic and I feel like this is almost illegal here? Although it is of course not the case actually, but it just feels like it, but I cut that down as I only listen on closed headphones already.
I mean I don't see much of a future in a society that treats me like some insane person just because of the drugs I use. (not because of the actions I take)
Maybe it'll turn around or something, but I really doubt it after this year. Like there have to be some crazy good surprises this year or I'm basically f***** lol...
Yeah watch out with the idealism on the psychs early on, I really did some crazy things artwise it was a bit extreme I guess, but back then it looked so clear that there is something wrong here and I imagined maybe I can put some good effort into changing a thing or two.
It was probably also my own ego, but some things.... they were not possible to ignore.
Meanwhile I notice different friends from back then either ending up dead or hooked on heavy pain medications like ketamine or opiods or whatever.
Others are like going to prostitutes or whatever.
Like is it normal to get heavily traumatized basically between 20 to 30 years in age? And therefore reacting in some kind of disregard for other people and like letting the system really get you, so you have some chance of fulfilliing reproduction or something.
Like it seems so animalistic compared to my youth even though I take way less risks than back then...
Anyone heard of group dynamics? Is it normal to be handled like a weak human when I naturally trust new people that come into my life?
Because 9 times out of 10 they seem to heavily stab in the back after the shortest time.
But I really can't do any different? It is just baseline for me, I'm not the biggest cloak and dagger person but it seems like you kind of have to be?
Like don't say a word or they'll take notice of you? Is this society kind of brutalized? Or the just scared themselves and are afraid of me?
Like I barely get these people anymore, they all seem like a bunch of aliens to me. basically
Sorry for rambling, I'm not hijacking a thread though, I hope its ok like this...
