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i wish i could see straight :(

E

en_dee

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 13, 2013
Messages
1
Hi, my name is Nick, i've been on here before and stuff a long time ago before things even got really fucked up for me

i relapsed on meth last night after 60 days :*( i dont really know whats up but i hope this forum has people recovering as well I gotta make
some changes

i can't see straight because ive been using my eyes too much staying up and writing and researching, i really hate how bad it has to be for you im trying to take care of myself the best i can i am just quite worried about everything in my life right now

am only 18 ... i like analyzing things, hacky sack .. not much else

on a positive note I think i'll be able to quite smoking , whenever i tweak i have no desire to so getting through the first 20+ hours is simple

am going to do laundry .. maybe sit in my sauna cheers if you take the time to read/respond
 
Hey, don't be too worried about your relapse. It's just a bump in the road and you can still go on with your recovery. I know it's much easier said than done, but try to concentrate on one thing at a time rather than getting anxious about life in general. When I worry about so many things like that, I tend to get in a bad mindset and it can spiral out of control. Just take a deep breath and know that it'll get easier. <3

I'm going to move this over to TDS where you should be able to get more responses and more support. Welcome to Bluelight and if you have any questions about the board or rules or just want to chat, feel free to PM me.
 
As spork eluded to, I wouldn't give yourself to much of a hard time because you relapsed. Addiction is a progressive disease, and recovery can be thought of in the same way. You said you like to learn, analyze and research? Check out the trans-theoretical model of change. On the road of recovery, there may be relapses along the way, but it seems you are achieving more and more sobriety. Thats progress, so just put the relapse behind you and continue your journey.
 
Just as the others said. Don't beat yourself up about it. Stressing about it tends to be counter-productive. You did two months so don't be thinking you've failed in some way with the relapse, you were winning up to that point, you can do it again. Recovery is a process, a series of steps, and relapse is often an essential part of it. It's often where we learn what our triggers are so we can put in place coping strategies to help us deal with those triggers better the next time they rear their ugly heads. You are not back to square one. Arrest the relapse, pick yourself back up, start out again, hopefully you'll get further this time out being that bit better informed about your condition.

So, the question is, do you know what it was triggered you back to using this time out? Was there something specific? Was it boredom, too much time on your hands, being around the wrong people, watching too many episodes of Breaking Bad, what? If you can pin down what it was that will give you an idea what you need to work on for when you set out towards sobriety again. What do you need to put in place, or what do you need to avoid. What do you do with yourself all day en_dee? You still in school, working, anything? How's your social life? You got any support around you?

And yeah, lots of us are in a similar boat, going through similar things. I fell off my wagon after more than six months sober. No matter. I'm doing exactly what I've advised you to do. I've dusted myself down and started out again. You'll get lots of support here from people who really do get it. Good luck! <3
 
Hi Nick,

Just pick yourself up and move forward. You had 60 days clean and that's a real accomplishment. You said that you like analysing things well, put that skill to good use and find out why you used and learn all your triggers. IME I've found that self-awareness is key in staying clean.
 
Hey Nick, welcome to Bluelight. Congratulations on getting yourself clean!

Relapses happen Nick. It's okay. But you can recover from it- you're able to bounce back. The disease of addiction is something that you are going to carry with you your whole life. That's not as negative as it sounds. I think of it this way:

Some diseases go into remission/relapse or whatever you want to call it, while other times that same disease can lay dormant. What makes the disease active again? Well, that depends. What triggered it? Stress? Cravings? Depression? etc. Once that area of the brain is triggered, the active part of the disease (i.e. drug use) is woken up. For example mononucleosis. The disease is called by the Epstein-Barr virus. Once a person has mono, they have it for life. The disease isn't always active, it can lay dormant, but when it is activated it can cause symptoms in the host such as excessive tiredness, sore throat, fever, etc. The disease can be triggered by various outside factors such as stress or lack of sleep. So really, the disease of addiction is just like any other physiological disease.

Try your best to pick yourself up and move forward. You've come a long way. Beating addiction and getting clean is hard! I have faith that you'll go another 60+ days clean, Nick.
 
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