Mycophile, I 100% agree that the word to describe these situations is INFURIATING with capital letters.
Doctors take the Hippocratic Oath, and a quotation from it is as follows:
"I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person's family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick."
Doctors don't give a fuck about serving to benefit patients in the best manner. What they really care about nowadays, is staying in practice as long as they can without overstepping any boundary even slightly, which might cause them to lose their licence. I understand that this is in part caused by overregulation by the government, but when it comes down to it, a doctor should be willing to do whatever it takes to serve society in the best way possible. If you're not willing to take what seems to be the slightest of chances in prescribing at your own will, then don't become a fucking doctor.
Their focus should be to do the best for not only the patient, but for the benefit of those around them and the life that they live. For example, my first real relationship with a girl was ruined in part because I could not stand to go be in public, as it makes me too anxious. Who the fuck wants that from a man? My current relationship is also on a rocky road because of the same reasons. My anxiety has increasingly caused me to isolate myself, and sit around wondering what I could be doing all day if I was normal. I've also strived my whole life excelling in schoolwork, but what good is this going to do if I cannot fucking communicate with another human being effectively? I feel as if my dreams are diminishing every day.
Something that is despicable and deplorable to me, is that basically both of the psychiatrists I've been to have treated me as if I am being silly, or not making sense. Literally one of the psychiatrists was smirking at me as I explained my anguish, and the other replied in a manner that showed me he was not hearing a word I said. The way I have been treated by doctors has lead me to not trust them.
How successful at SERVING TO BENEFIT SOCIETY does the medical profession look, if so many people, in similar shoes to mine, are mistreated to the point that they develop a deeply held MISTRUST for the entire profession.
And the fact that some people abuse medications, well WHO GIVES A FUCK. So fucking be it. That sounds like a necessary side effect to the main effect of saving lives. Are you going to ban the sale of vehicles, just because some people drive irresponsibly? Anyways, that's a political issue and for another argument.
To be honest, I really don't even give a fuck if the medication is a benzo, or a fucking magic potion from the 7th dimension, as long as it fucking works. If the cure for my problem was smoking plastic, then I would fucking smoke plastic every day to live life anxiety free, even if it knocked down my life expectancy 30 years. My problem has been getting worse and worse every day, and it's taking a toll on me. For example, today in the computer lab two girls started giggling. Jesus Christ I spent the next 30 fucking minutes sweating my ass off thinking that everyone was staring at me.
Even though I probably shouldn't have, I became proactive a few years ago at what I called "prescribing myself." I didn't buy benzos to get high (btw, who the fuck gets high from benzos? the only "high" I get is the giddiness of being able to socialize), I bought them to allow me to succeed in life (presentations, networking, and such). My god the way people around me noticed...even my own mother, who strongly disapproved, told me I was a brand new, happier, more comfortable looking person.
I really feel for you man.
My anxiety isn't/wasn't maybe QUITE as bad as yours but I'd been on Klonopin and it helped me IMMENSELY till I was forced to get off of it which was really wrong.
Luckily in my case I am finding that Lexapro seems to MOSTLY be taking care of the majority of my anxiety yet I STILL want to have some access to as needed Klonopin JUST IN CASE I have a panic situation like I have in the past but no one will prescribe it so either I'm just going to have to try to deal without it or search EVERYWHERE until I find someone who will prescribe it.
However, unlike you I don't need it nearly as badly.
In your shoes I'd just start calling psychiatrist after psychiatrist and I'd think that eventually SOMEONE would prescribe them.
How many different doctors have you talked to?
Have you tried general practitioners?
Have you tried neurologists?
A neurologist was my last prescriber for my Klonopin so maybe going that route will work for you.
And the bold part REALLY pisses me off and I think you should do whatever necessary to let people know to avoid that doctor.
Sorry that just really makes me angry and I'd like to see that guy pay.
I once had a psychiatrist say in so many words that he wouldn't give me benzos cause I might get in a car accident from being sedated and he might lose his license but he basically admitted that he was more concerned with that than me getting injured.
He also suggested that I might be psychotic and think that people were following me in their cars because I was worried they might be staring at me which as you probably realize is a whole different level of craziness.
I heard you say you were considering Etizolam and I've never tried it but now I'm wondering about it for myself.
The problem is that if I (or you) try a med on our own we could end up addicted since we don't know the right dosage and I'd be concerned with that.
It's really just fucked.
Good luck.
Oh, by the way, i was just wondering, why don't you try to go see the psychiatrist that prescribes your girlfriend her benzos and see if he might prescribe them for you??
I mean, he's obviously not opposed to prescribing them in general so my guess is he'd prescribe them to you as well.
The trick seems to be to find a doctor who is not opposed to prescribing them for people in general as it SEEMS that usually they are either black or white in that they either refuse to prescribe them EVER or they are open to them.
I guess there could be doctors who might turn down some people if they say the wrong thing and say yes to others, but I'd guess you'd have a good shot with any doc who prescribes them.
Had you ever considered talking to that doctor?
