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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

I want to share my story with all of you...

I want to share a poem I wrote shortly after my accident. It basically sums up how I felt and what had become of me after the wreck that nearly ended my life. Enjoy, friends...

Crushed

What happened,
it all stopped so fast though it should’ve just passed,
becoming a halt that snapped a million and one necks.

There was this eternal roar of thunder that kept rumbling,
the vibration in its wake caused time to stop in its tracks.

The hindering of life was so great that existence crawled,
rather its continuance drug its broken appendages behind.

Biology was acquainted with steel mechanics of science,
and all of its functions were given artificial assistance.

Perception of reality was clouded with a fog of hope,
introspection and meaning took on the face of optimism.

Great things were to manifest from the horror of tragedy,
purpose was thwarted from materialism more toward truth.

Acceptance was to become the rite of passage onward,
yet this task was cursed with helplessness and disenchantment.

The ability to progress was granted only through chemistry,
mental stability crossed with the power to heal granted assurance.

All else that is to become of He who was born of trauma
falls into the hands of nature’s gift of wellness through time.

Maturing into the embodiment of inevitability and fate,
though the belief of all happenings having reason remains
in question.
 
Your writing is as beautiful as your story is haunting.

You have great skills and I am so glad to see they weren't wasted and you were blessed with one more day to share your messages with others.

I checked out your livejournal and found myself reading every single entry. You have a beautiful style that leaves the reader feeling differently.

The Broken One,
he who will not mend
on his own will,
and stands to fall,
that is me.
Click to expand...

This one stanza stuck out to me in particular.
I feel broken, unmendable, fucked up. It's always my fault that I feel this way; though. If I was just able to take back control of my will then I feel as if my eyes will finally open.

Thank you for the inspiration to keep going for at least one more twenty four hours.
 
I was wondering if you would want to read some of the things I've wrote. I consider you to be a writer based upon your skills with rhetoric and how punctual you are throughout your poems.

I'm interested in meeting friends here on BL and hope to be able to consider you one of them.

Get back to me by email if you can, since I cannot private message yet: [email protected].
 
Just sent you an email asking you a quick question. Get back to me when you can.
 
Man I had no idea burntserkits!!! After all you have been through I am so glad you have such a positve online presence. Thanks for sharing your story and keep helping us out in NMI my brother!!!!
 
Likes2Dance/Laika-I very rarely consume PDs. I did a lot of disassociatives when I was younger and they always seemed to take me to a dark place. While LSD and mushrooms don't as much, they have a tendency to make me recall darker things in my life. I guess guilt about consuming them plays a role in that. Given right time and setting I may venture there again though...one day.
 
I'm really glad to hear you lived through that man, I can only imagine how painful all of this was.

I am very careful with my IV technique, and micron filter everything I use now. Sterility is a really important factor and I am glad that your story will go to help other people who aren't as aware of the risks and dangers of IV drug use and intoxicated driving.

Thank you for sharing your story, I enjoyed reading it, and can see you are a very strong person to have come out on the other side of this all right and still be a great person. :) Take care!
 
^CH-Thanks a lot man. I truly hope my story inspires others to make better decisions and lead happier, healthier life. I know you been through a lot, yourself. We are both prime examples of what can happen when you start losing control...
 
I too have hit another car full speed (but side-on) whilst drunk when I was 16, had taken my father's Mercedes and was driving to a bridge to jump off. The car even flipped over it was going that fast. Somehow by the grace of God and our Lord Jesus Christ the other person had no injuries and myself just a badly broken arm. Luckily there was a suicide note so I didn't really get in trouble, but I can sort of relate to the sense of guilt of having caused others harm out of my own negligence.

Did you have any legal problems stemming from the crash, in the US in particular the laws for such a thing would be ravaging. I'm from Australia and our system takes a gentler approach to teenagers and gives them an official "good behaviour bond", which simply means a warning but if you screw up again there will be consequences.

I forget who it was, could be Herman Hesse in Siddharta, but "the fastest way to becoming a Saint is by sin."I'm sure you have, as have I, learned emotional strength and other lessons that are simply beyond the normal conception of the the average layman.
 
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I am also glad that you are alive and doing well. Sometimes it takes difficult life occurrences for us to finally start living the life that we always should have been living. All the things that happened to you were horrible, but if it not were for them you would still be living your old life. You can now just look back at all the things that happened and take valuable lessons.

I know how you feel because I have been in similar situations. Luckily no serious accidents but I was extremely close several times. It took me many horrible things to finally wake up and take my life seriously. So I know how you feel now and that feeling couldn't have been created without all the bad things that happened before it. I look at my addiction as not something negative but something that made me the person I am today. I can help people because I have gone through many difficult situations and came out alive.

Now, I cherish everyday. I wake up happy because I know each day is important and its best to just enjoy each day instead of wasting it by worrying about unimportant things. All I care about now is being good to my family and myself. I eat well, stay physically active and each day do as much as I can. I don't over work myself like I used to. I don't drive myself crazy with expecting things out of myself that are impossible. I just accept myself for who I am, with all my faults and imperfections. And at the same time I try to improve those things in myself that I feel need changing. It is a subtle balance between acceptance and improvement. It is never forced or pressured. I simply work on things everyday. I try to stay calm and be patient with everyone in my life. I try to serve those that love and care for me. I don't take more than I need.

So yeah, even thou a lot of horrible shit has happened to you and me, it is possible to learn great lessons from it and come out a better person. I think that has been the case for you and me. Difficult situations have made us stronger, happier with many more positive characteristics. We wouldn't be what we are today without those difficult situations. We survived them and we can survive anything else life throws at us. That gives me a peace of mind. We can get through anything in life, no matter how difficult it is...we have proven it through surviving through all these horrible things that happened to us. We might not be the same as we were before, but we certainly are better.
 
DR. G-thank you for sharing. I was cited for a DUI but my blood alcohol was only .02 and I was rx'd the methadone so that was thrown out and I paid a small fine for "driving left of center." I was very fortunate the nice girl I hit didn't press charges against me...

ZYGGY-You are so right! I've read some of your posts and know you've been battling your own demons. Best of luck to you too friend... :)
 
thank you so much for sharing. there are so many times things could have turned out that way for myself and i suppose immaturity and naivety are the only reasons why i dont appreciate how fortunate i am for things to have not gone the difficult way.

your story and strength is so encouraging, the demons you've faced during this time and during your recollection of this story will definitely help people here on bluelight and the people around you to perhaps help them realise the fragility of life, and the risks we all take on a day to day basis without properly acknowledging the possible repercussions.

take care
 
versd-Thank you my friend. It could have been so much worse yet it didn't even have to happen at all.. I hope this story saves countless lives but I'll settle for saving simply one any day. Glad you were touched by it :)
 
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