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Mental Health I want to end it

R

Rick88

Greenlighter
Joined
May 19, 2015
Messages
11
Simply put I am going to die. I am not ask for help in doing so. I just need someone to know my story if if i will probably get Nast responses.

About me

Recently my wife of 10 years left me and took my 5 year old son with her. I have no family. My mother sister grandparents are dead. My father disowned me. I have lost everything in the divorce and since I have no friends I sleep in my car.

I have suffered from depression fort years and I am tired with no more purpose in life.

I bought the hose already sand I know for a fact nobody will miss me. This the last week on earth. I am not mentally ill. I know exactly what I am doing.

I just joined here and all of you seem like a nice bunch. Thank you for reading.

all the best to you all

Good bye
 
Rick, I know that feeling so alone is causing you so much pain that it seems reasonable in your mind to end your life to end the pain. Still, I hope that you will consider giving yourself just a little time to let the feelings of loss and grief for your wife and son become less raw. Losing your child has got to be one of life's worst agonies and yet I know that whatever relationship you want with your son is in your power to attain--just not right away. Can you reach out to someone on a crisis line? I really feel that you do not want to die--you have just lost your hope. I agree that is no way to live but there are alternatives. Please private message me if you would like to talk more.<3
 
Dont do it. look out how many drugs there are to try at least! Thousandfold that can you get while livin, sometimes live is shit, but keep on going please, im depressive too and wanted to end it...
 
I already miss you. So many questions left unanswered. If you haven't done it please indulge me, purpose is everywhere.
 
Thank you all for your kindness. I have thought about my decision logically. I am settling my affairs today and tomorrow. I won't go into more details about how I am planning to exit this stupid life.

I am not religious so I know I will cease to exist. If there was a 1% chance I could see my son one more time I would jump on it.

I worked hard over the years to keep my family happy but my wife found someone better. I don't blame her. All I ever wanted was to have a family. But how does the song go... You can't always get what you want.

Besides, I am so cold sleeping in that car. Being dead will be best.

Bless you all - you have good hearts.

Good bye

Richad (no longer nessecary to hide)
 
They have shelters that have warm beds. There's probably a better chance than 1% to see your son if you don't do it.
 
Thanks for the suggestion. I just want it over with. Really no other reason
 
Rick my relationship with my family went to shit plus I was in a break-up and I almost impulsively jumped off a bridge (literally) while withdrawing from alcohol. I'm glad I didn't. It's been years since that happened. Time can't heal everything but you might be surprised yet you HAVE to stick around to know for sure. The fact that you posted this lets me know that even if it's minuscule, you do know that you're worth something. I hope you find what that is and build on it.
 
Thanks again everyone,

This what I tried:
Psychologists
Psychiatrists
GPs
Meditation
CBT


Medication:
Pristiq
Avanza
Cymbalta
Aropax
Valium
Xanax

Xanax helped a bit but getting crack cocaine is easier to get these days because it's "evil"

This is not a cry for help. My ex wife accused me of beating her and my little boy - AVO

She accused me of molesting my boy - police arrested and released me after realising she is lying. I was arrested at work and lost my job.

I tried it all. I won't leave a dramatic note. I never see my son again. She made sure of that. I wasn't the perfect husband but tomorrow I will die knowing that I never abused or hurt anyone.

Thank you - all of you. You restored my faith in humanity.

Good bye. Bless you all
 
I am so sad that you see no way out. That is a terrible accusation and the humiliation of having the cops come to your workplace just compounds it. I would want to fight those accusations but I can understand that you feel defeated and exhausted. Your son needs to know who you are, even if he cannot understand anything now, he will grow up and have questions for you. Boys do not just forget their fathers. Be at peace tonight. As long as there is breath, there is possibility; there is hope.(((<3)))
 
On the offchance that you didn't do it yet:

I would say go ahead if your mind is made up, but before you do, read "Be Here Now" from Richard Alpert/Ram Dass. Helped me in my darkest moments.

Good luck with the transition.
 
Having a purpose is not something u find, its a choice..u can choose to have purpose everyday..why not help people? Go to any kind of group meetings and just talk and connect with people..why not just ride it out and make the best of what u have..u have a car and internet access,thats more than most people have in this world.. i cant relate to u too much because of the divorce and children but dont give up..u cannot know for sure that death is better than life..i hope u are okay.. if u are gone God bless u and hope to see u in the afterlife

if you are okay dont think we will think less of you if u tell us your alive and didnt go thru with it..there is empathy and wisdom here that is few and far between..u can get the support u need to get back on your feet..much love to u
 
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I am still here. Why? Because deep down I would have never dreamt of meeting so many compassionate souls in on place. And the person that has PMed me - thank you. I figured I have everything ready. I take it hour by hour.

You guys and girls are the best people I ever had the please to meet. You all saved my life - for now anyway
 
Rick if you're still here which I hope you are message me please would like to talk n find out a lot more of your situation n why you feel like this is the only option..
 
Im glad u are okay..u are not alone in this fight we are all brothers and sisters interconnected and we will all lose something if u decide to leave us so i hope u stay here with us

suicide idealization is the subconscious last ditch effort to stop the negative feelings because it sees no hope in stopping them but trust me my friend there are other ways..slowly but surely u can start to build a life again that u can be proud of....theres nothing u can do to change what happen and u will never agree with it but u must accept that it happened..be patient with yourself u will get thru this..
 
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^Opened up my computer this morning and got this very good news. I am so glad that you are taking it "hour by hour." That is a very good strategy when in crisis. More than that, I am just glad that you are here.<3
 
Rick88 said:
You can't always get what you want.
Click to expand...

I can't ever comprehend the pain you feel, but I hope you can keep taking the hours one by one, eventually making it day by day.

"... If you try some times, You get what you need"

For all of us here, please try. You can get through this. I know it may feel a little distant, but we are here for you!
 
Yes, exactly!
It works for me all the time as the 'despair' sometimes lasts only 20-30 minutes and by doing it hourly, you can get used to succeed better each time.
 
I am really touched by everyone's posts. Thank you so much. Well still here but only because a stranger was there at the right time. I was standing at a subway tunnel ready to take 2 steps and my body language gave me away. He stopped me from going on the tracks. But next time? There might be nobody there.

I miss my wife and son so much, I miss my life. I am emptied out. Sometimes the pain is so overwhelming that I just want to drink some bleach or whatever is there.

I used to be in the police force and I know a lot about suicide. I just want to go. I am waiting for a heart attack or stroke to save myself the effort of trying something selfish - like causing trauma to the train driver.

At this stage I wish I had drugs. Some OxyContin etc. just to enjoy the little time I have left. But I wouldn't even know where to look. (I am not requesting sources). Sorry

Thanks again for all the kindness.
 
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