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I want sex more than my boyfriend!!!

katfiona

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 24, 2014
Messages
12
My boyfriend and I have been together a year, and we recently moved in together. Before we moved in together, we had CRAZY AWESOME sex every time we saw one another. Sometimes he would just randomly take me out of nowhere like he couldn't go another second without me.
I know things calm down the longer you stay together, but since he's moved in her never initiates sex. he has maybe 3 times (it's been 3 months since he moved in) and that's not cutting it for me!
He says it's the zoloft that he was prescribed a year ago when his father died. My question... can I ask that he go to the doctor and get a change of meds, or possibly stop taking them? I don't want to ask him to stop taking them of course, that would be wrong... but I feel so unwanted. How do I approach this conversation with him without making him feel bad? I don't know how to say "why don't you want to fuck me anymore???" or to say "well stop taking your medicine, because having sex with me is more important."
We also both take lortabs frequently, so that might not be helping :/

I love him, and he loves me and we had a very healthy sex life, but it's just dead now. It makes me feel unwanted and unattractive. How to I approach this with him without hurting his feelings or making him feel less of a man?
 
SSRI's like Zoloft can kill your sex drive.

I am rather surprised that someone would get medication for grief, especially one that takes several weeks to start working.

I am not a doctor, so I cannot say if he needs them or not, but it really couldn't hurt to speak with a doctor about it.

I personally would not take a medication that made my genitals cease to function.

I also really think SSRI's have a great deal of side effects and cause more problems than they solve, but once again that is more of a doctor conversation or personal decision.

I remember I went off of SSRI's against a doctor's advice and well, I felt so much better, but it never helped me to begin with.
 
Thanks for your input. He got put on Zoloft for anxiety and depression. He also got put on klonopin, and he takes those daily. He's not really the depressed type, but he does have anxiety issues. I'm going to ask him if he would consider doing the Zoloft (after speaking with his doctor) but I'm kinda afraid he won't want to... which I can't understand because it's getting in the way of our sex life which used to be amazing. He says the Zoloft have definitely helped him feel better, so I'm afraid he just won't want to stop taking it...
 
Medications aside, maybe there's other issues there. Maybe he just got used to you and doesn't feel as horny towards you as before, maybe he isn't into you for other reasons and the meds help give him an excuse. Who knows, I certainly don't because I know nothing about either of you, but it's something to think about. Maybe something related to moving in together and the increased intimacy is putting him off.
 
I had figured that and feared it... maybe he's losing interest, and the way it seems is it's inevitable for couples in long term relationships to slow down on sexual frequency, but when I asked he could have told me that instead of lying and making me wonder. What should I do then? Ask him straight up? Because if he's losing interest then he made a stupid mistake by moving in. We're too old for that crap haha
 
Well, I got SSRI's off label for anxiety and klonopin.

I decided to give the klonopin a go without the SSRIs. I had tried a few so I do not remember which one I was taking when I stopped.

I was never depressed, so I really did not think I needed an antidepressant. I really do not get depression other than situational depression, but being depressed for no reason confuses me. There has to be a reason, I think people just do not know why or do not wish to express why.
 
I had figured that and feared it... maybe he's losing interest, and the way it seems is it's inevitable for couples in long term relationships to slow down on sexual frequency, but when I asked he could have told me that instead of lying and making me wonder. What should I do then? Ask him straight up? Because if he's losing interest then he made a stupid mistake by moving in. We're too old for that crap haha

People lie about that sort of stuff all the time, a lot more than they tell the truth. At least I think so. It's not easy to tell someone you aren't as horny for them as you were before, and if you have a good excuse which actually does lower your libido, why not blame it on that and get off easy?

But then again, these things are never simple, he obviously cares a lot for you if he moved in with you. Maybe at this point in the relationship he is more into other stuff with you rather than having sex. That doesn't mean this won't change. And he might just be confused about his feelings for you, so maybe it's not entirely a lie. This sort of stuff is too complicated, and him being on Zoloft makes it even more so. I have no idea what you should do, try to help him and be understanding, but if he doesn't have a plan on when to stop taking this shit and is inconsiderate towards what you want in the relationship, maybe it just isn't meant to be. I mean I hope it works out for you but sometimes people drift apart aye? If he has no sex drive for you and he is entirely OK with that, that's a terrible sign no doubt. Maybe he is seeing you more and more as a friend as time goes by?
 
If I was taking Zoloft, Klonopin and Vicodin I don't think I could even get it up. If everything else is good in the relationship then I'd wager the meds have killed his libido. Like others have said, SSRIs are notorious for their sexual side effects.
 
Thank you all for the responses!!!
I had a talk with him, and as soon as I got home he pounced on me, so he can definitely have sex. I think he felt bad, he didn't really notice not having sex, because we do have sex, it's just not as frequently as it used to be.

Since we are speculating though, fromheretoeternity- you could be absolutely right. He stays at home with my daughter, while I work. He could very easily go back to where he was living easily, so I think it might be more the drugs, as nuttynutskin and RDP89 suggested.
You guys have helped give me a reality check though. We won't have that "newness" ever again. We won't have sex like we NEED it, hah. So I will be happy getting it once or twice a week for now. :p maybe when school is out and i'm home with him all summer we can rekindle that romance ;)
 
My partner is on Effexor for depression, and it has killed his libido too. I agree it is hard to cope with! Tell him to try taking his meds at night time. This worked for my partner, but he kept forgetting to take them, so he had to go back to taking them in the mornings. But if your man can remember to take them at night, then it may work for you. Good luck! X
 
I get my dick up on morphine and klonopin and I get alot prescribed.

I dunno if it comes with age or growing apart or just different mindsets.

But I am almost 30 and if I fancy a woman, I can get my dick hard.
 
This happened to me after my father passed. Get some good hydro. Pot has helped me alot emotionly get passed it. A good vaporizer is bliss.
 
The lortabs are probably killing it more than the Zoloft. When I was on Zoloft I had no decrease in sex drive.

Opiates = "screw sex, I already feel like I'm having an orgasm... Plus I can't feel my dick."

Benzos I could have sex, but it wasn't very good or long (I think.. Memory lol)
 
Yeah doctors will prescribe SSRIs for anything and everything it seems. I got them for anxiety as well. A five minute convo with the doctor and he prescribed me some SSRIs? Those things change your life... yeah I would suggest he stop taking SSRIs!!! There are other ways to treat anxiety, depression, etc. and SSRIs should be the last step.
 
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