I want a child...what about you?

[Fishface]

I suspect that's going to be a rather lucky and well-balanced nipper, Mr Fishy . I hope and trust that all goes well for you and yours..

Thanks so much for your kind words, entheo

I'd always thought I was a bit odd on this one - I get deeply broody whenever the subject comes up - but maybe I'm not such a freak. I'm a fella, but have wanted kids for as long as I can remember. I don't see it happening anytime soon (I'm in my early 30s) but one day I'm sure a happy event will happen. I'm sure I'm not in the best state of existence to seriously consider such things right now, but is there ever a right time for kids? I doubt it. Sometime.

Hope things come right for you before too long

 

[Jabberwocky]

I'd always thought I was a bit odd on this one - I get deeply broody whenever the subject comes up - but maybe I'm not such a freak. I'm a fella, but have wanted kids for as long as I can remember. I don't see it happening anytime soon (I'm in my early 30s) but one day I'm sure a happy event will happen. I'm sure I'm not in the best state of existence to seriously consider such things right now, but is there ever a right time for kids? I doubt it. Sometime.

I get what you're saying here. I think our society has taught us that its 'normal' for a woman to yearn for a child but not nearly as normal for a MAN to yearn/desire for a child to care after and raise. This 'macho' thing is still present in our society even as far as we've come with this and other related issues (embedded in ignorance for the human condition really, racism, sexism, violence, etc).

I just stopped caring what I was 'supposed' to do with my feelings, hormones, neurotransmitters, etc

Sounds like you came to a similar conclusion...life is too beautiful to not share the passage with a few close loved ones...

I also get the 'state of condition' you're talking about and also hear (and read) B9's comments about hedonism and parenthood with interest. I reckon when I do have a kid I will slow down massively on drug intake...if for no other reason than just to save money for our future.

I really appreciate being able to read ya'll's comments so far...it is such a priveledge to me to be able to read such personal thoughts of fellow BLers

peace and light,
samadhi smiles

 

[Shambles]

Thanks so much for your kind words, entheo

Not so much kind, more simply accurate I suspect .

Hope things come right for you before too long

Apart from the odd (often very odd) wobble, things are indeed heading in the right direction, thankyou .

I just stopped caring what I was 'supposed' to do with my feelings, hormones, neurotransmitters, etc

Sounds like you came to a similar conclusion...life is too beautiful to not share the passage with a few close loved ones...

Agreed and agreed again .

 

[lunanueva]

Does anyone hear just have the urge to create their own family? Mine pretty much disappeared about 3-5 years ago , and since then I do have the urge to have my own family system. However, I doubt whether my urge to have kids comes from an intrinsic internal source, or if it's from some of the tragic circumstances that have created parts of my life.

I am very maternal. I have done tons of volunteer work for youth of all ages, and was a nanny for a family for 2 years, often staying for weeks on end. I miss them terribly now. I know when the time is right, I want to have a whole bus load of kids!!! But my tiny one bedroom apartment is too small right now, and sometimes I forget to feed my cat. So...I don't think children are in the picture any time soon, and I'm OK with that.

 

[B9]

Good luck with everything Mr & Mrs Fishy

 

[shith3ad]

had anyone on bl ever put a child up for adoption?

 

[Mariposa]

I'll admit...sometimes. Then the scenarios come, and not a single one is good; if I were lucky, I'd get by with mere insanity by the time the kid entered grade school. For those well-adjusted individuals who can hack it, I have nothing but respect.

So a very firm "no" for now, but anything can happen.

Well put Bel. This is exactly how I feel. It changes here and there.

People tell me I'd be a good parent, but I think that's more a testament to ambition than anything. I don't keep naysayers in my life and I was raised to believe I could do anything I put my mind to doing. I don't think that's a fair sense of what's important when raising a child. It's not a race -- rat or otherwise.

Ironically, I'd probably find it easier to finish school and maybe get a graduate or professional degree after if I did not work full time.

I am not so shortsighted to believe I can have it all the way many women thought when women were entering the professional sector in droves. I know my limits well enough to know that something would have to give eventually. I wouldn't want to put that kind of burden on a child. I more or less raised myself. If I had a child with a dependent personality, I'd feel very stifled.

The biological drive comes and goes. Right now it's not too present. But ask me as I get closer to 30. For my boyfriend's sister (whom we are visiting today to meet his 6 week old niece for the first time ) 30 seemed to be around the time she got serious about the idea. And now she has found a lot of joy in motherhood.

I'll repost after I hold the baby and see if it makes me "clucky" (that's a cute word ).

I do love to read to children. I used to view teaching with some sort of distaste until I met my partner (a graduate school student, part-time teacher, and future professor). He finds it very rewarding. I think parenting would be the ultimate in teaching.

 

[Jamshyd]

Do you want a child?

A child of felsh? Absolutely not!

A metaphorical child? Absolutely.

I do commend your desire to adopt. I believe I made my opinion on having children quite clear in other threads .

you see, this is what's so awesome about nephews & nieces. you can have loads of fun with them (and they love you for showing them attention) but you don't have to clothe, feed, or clean up after them and you can hand them back after a while. it's the best of both worlds.

Absolutely! Now those, I wish I had!

S_S: Perhaps its not really children you want, but are simply getting more and more in contact with, and expressing, your feminine side?

 

[happyus]

Does anyone hear just have the urge to create their own family? Mine pretty much disappeared about 3-5 years ago , and since then I do have the urge to have my own family system. However, I doubt whether my urge to have kids comes from an intrinsic internal source, or if it's from some of the tragic circumstances that have created parts of my life.

definately, i have not felt like part of a family for about 4 years now and feel like i need to create something stable and warm for myself. i guess that's perhaps why i feel the urge so much to be pregnant as i have always felt there is something so spiritual and wonderful about creating a little human, that is family, that is something unchanging and constant for your heart to be protected and nurtured by.... unfortunately i cannot see the child yet, though the day i do i guess i'll know i am ready to have a baby. i think for me also after i miscarried i felt so utterly wrecked, i had dreamt of a little girl the night before it happened and she was so unbelievably perfect, a mixture of me and my partner and so happy toddling in a huge garden, all smiles and curls... i don't think i'm ready to handle that possible upset and pain again, and i want to have the big garden one day that my little baby girl deserves to be happy in before she arrives

 

[Finder]

Do I want to give up my life so I can raise another human being for 25 years until they can be out on their own?

No. Fucking. Way.

 

[rangrz]

I know I'm not suppose to post pictures in the SLR fourm, but nothing sums my feelings towards this question up better this picture, so...
(or how I would react if a girl told me she wanted kids with me)

 

[LoveAlways]

^^lol


I'm *kind of* trying to get pregnant right now. Omg thats the first time I've said (typed) that--its really happening! aahhh!!

I've always wanted children but wanted to wait for the "right time" which is now....kind of. I'm ready, my partner is ready. Financially, not so ready but I really think thats just because we're not used to having to budget "baby money." But we both work hard and make a decent living. If you substitute the alcohol/beer/drugs, etc for diapers, etc...I know we could make it.

 

[Porcelain]

I have four...and my life would be worthless without them. They range from 16 years to 3 months, and every one of them has shaped and enhanced my life in ways I couldn't even begin to describe.

If you decide to conceive and have the child you are wishing for, I wish you all the happiness that I have had!

 

[jaymie]

^ I have learned a lot about water births and I think they are very interesting. I wanted to consider one until I found out most of the time you wont get pain meds.

The reason that pain meds arent common in human/dolphin midwifed water/at home births is because the process of childbirth for people who choose that route is seen as more of an intentional be-present-through-the-process sort of thing, not to say anything against the standard procedure. I'm just saying that for ME that I would certainly want to be as present as possible for my own growth and that of my child's at such a pivotal time and whatever that entails I'll get through it. There are also different exercises and herbs available to you to help the process along.

One of my very good friends had her baby at the age of 21 and she took no meds and had a very smooth natural birth. This girl is tiny, but fierce! I really commended her for choosing that path at such a young age.

for anyone interested in this please take a look at this article, it has a lot of very important information on midwifed births: http://www.reclaimingquarterly.org/84/rq-84-midwives.htmland here is a link on Dolphin Birthing:
http://www.planetpuna.com/Birth&Dolphins/index.htm

 

[SigmaSis03]

I have four...and my life would be worthless without them.

This is a scary thing to hear someone say. You don't (shouldn't) have children to fill your voids or give you worth. All other things being equal, the best parents, I'd say, are those who have and recognize their very great worth to and in the world before they have kids and after. I'm not suggesting you're a bad parent at all, I haven't a clue about your parenting, but I think when you start talking in these terms, you're showing extreme dependence and that's just a precarious situation to be in, no matter who or what you're depending on.

I'm certainly not trying to take away from your stated happiness, I'm sure I couldn't if I tried, but your statement just struck me. Let's hope your children choose to maintain close life-long friendships with you, remembering that even the most loved, adjusted, happy children sometimes choose as adults not to, because it sounds like you'll be a miserable empty-nester if they don't.

 

[Samadhi]

^ My thoughts exactly - i was actually a little taken aback when i read that. When I have babies, I hope that as they grow older, they can look back and say "wow, my mama really knew her worth, and was confident in herself as a woman, wife/partner, and mother".

 

[jaymie]

I hope that for myself as well. ^ Unfortunately not everyone has that choice-- babies come when they want, as my mother would say. :D
I agree though that intentionally calling out for a soul to fill your voids is a dangerous signal to send out, but it happens all the time and I feel that mostly it is unintentional. And this is partly due to the ruling system that is set up for us earthlings. Most of us don't live in a reality where we are encouraged to seek the truth of ourselves before we propagate. Most of us are just stumbling beautifully through our existence while half awake.
My mum and dad are perfect examples of this. They got pregnant unexpectedly before they found their confidence and purpose in this world, but that was their karma. They needed us to see an aspect of their potential and thats perfectly okay. I love my parents because they are human. And I wouldn't be so harsh in judging porcelains statement because you're not in her shoes.

 

[km267]

i am really intrigued by this whole dolphin and underwater birthing stuff!

i have to say, i was always ambivalent about having a child. now that i'm very serious with a guy who has had a vasectomy, it's kind of strange... i think it made me realize how much i value the possibility of creating life in the future. my sister's baby also makes me feel a little "clucky."

 

[Jabberwocky]

to her defense, I think what she was saying is shorthand for something to the effect of: "my life would be devastated if they were taken away from me...now who I am is a mother and without that role I would feel lost myself"

My mother is the same way...although she is an independent woman I know it would devastate her to lose one of her babies, I hope to whatever God is listening/exists that day never comes.

 

[Samadhi]

I really didn't mean to come across as judging porcelain, and i apologise if i did. My mum was the same, and i know she felt that i was the light in her life - her marriage to my dad was very volatile (they're not together anymore), but I still look up to my mum as one of my role models, and i'm sure porcelain's kids will too

I've also learned from my mum too, that i needed to develop my own sense of self first. Mum has said this to me herself as well - and isn't that what parenting is about, in part, at least? Children learn from their parents - we learn what do do and what NOT to do?